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Women, When You Get Dressed, Is Your Goal to Impress Men?

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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 6:31 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Hmmm....I guess you forgot about the other 40% that DO.

#usingselectivefacts

There’s nothing to suggest that other 40% reported they did. You’re assuming there were only 2 responses available.

#poorlogicalreasoning

Hell no! I don't know a single woman that dresses for men. And I can't understand the level of narcissism some men are coming from when they assume that we do. I dress the way I dress so that I really like the reflection I see in the mirror. Simple as that, really.

Limiting the sample size to the women known to the poster and not all 3.5 billion of them.

#poorreadingcomprehensionskills

[This message edited by KingRat at 12:35 PM, April 8th (Monday)]

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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

The whole 25 pages of this (and before) have been because some women keep insisting that wearing sexy clothes has NOTHING to do with attracting attention, but because it's (pick a reason).

The guys have been calling bullshit on that for the very reason that we all know women DO do it.

Do they do it 24/7, 365 days a year? Of course not. But they DO do it.

To somehow conflate that statement into: "You men are just reading too much into it and just want an excuse to attack women," is also mind boggling. And extremely insulting.

I personally never said that women never dress to impress a man or that I never had. I certainly haven't in quite a while nor have I in the vast majority of my days on earth. I'm pretty sure there's been no difference between what my intentions were on days when I've had someone say something disgusting to me or actually grab me or worse.

As I said, it's too easy to get laid to bother dressing uncomfortably to try and get a man.

Even in those embarrassing days post DDay when I put extra effort into my clothing to be sexy (plus I had lost about 30 lbs in a couple of months, so needed new clothes anyhow), I wasn't dressed that way in the hopes that all men would think that I wanted to fuck them. I was dressed that way because I was a very sad insecure person who was trying to come to terms with my husband sleeping with women half my age. That phase lasted only a couple of months until the rage hit and he could go fuck himself if he didn't like anything about anything at that point.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 6:43 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

There’s nothing to suggest that other 40% reported they did. You’re assuming there were only 2 responses available.

I guess you're right, it must have been zero women then.

Of course that info you cited from the Daily Mail is probably perfectly legit and followed all the scientific protocols.

My bad

Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

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Rideitout ( member #58849) posted at 6:50 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

I personally never said that women never dress to impress a man or that I never had. I certainly haven't in quite a while nor have I in the vast majority of my days on earth. I'm pretty sure there's been no difference between what my intentions were on days when I've had someone say something disgusting to me or actually grab me or worse.

So, fundamental question, how am I supposed to know the difference? Is that outfit to impress me (or other men) and I should smile and say "pretty dress" or is it just for her and I should pretend I don't see her unless she's being harassed by men I know she's not trying to impress, in which case I should jump into the fray? Do you realize how impossible that standard is to even try to uphold?

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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 6:56 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

RIO,

I suppose what I don’t understand is, why does the difference, if there is one, even matter to you?

If you were single and dating, I assume you’d notice a girl you thought was pretty and strike up a conversation whether she was wearing jeans and a T shirt or “clubwear.”

But again, that is JUST my assumption. Are you actually saying that you’d pass over a “jeans and T-shirt ‘9’ ” in favor of a “yoga pants ‘6’ ” because you’d assume she’s looking to get lucky and you’d have a better shot at sex?

[This message edited by Darkness Falls at 12:57 PM, April 8th (Monday)]

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

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TKOGA ( member #58595) posted at 6:58 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Holy shit this is a toxic, snarky, sarcastic shit hole of thread. I didn't mean to speak for all women. When my friends and I are ready to go out we want to look hot for each other and ourselves. There's never been a thought of, "I hope 20 guys ask me for my phone number if I wear this outfit." We understand guys will look and I've never been offended by this. It's when people make the assumption that because they think my skirt is short, I'm asking for sexual, leering, disrespectful behavior from the opposite sex.

Also, if women do want attention from men, is that a terrible thing? I'm confused as to what we're arguing now, but I haven't kept up with the whole thread.

27 year old woman. Walked in on my fiancé with his best friend's girlfriend. Called off the wedding and broke up with him but no one knows why. This sucks.

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TKOGA ( member #58595) posted at 6:58 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Yes DarknessFalls, that's what I'm confused about. What is the difference? What are we even discussing at this point?

27 year old woman. Walked in on my fiancé with his best friend's girlfriend. Called off the wedding and broke up with him but no one knows why. This sucks.

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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 6:59 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

So, fundamental question, how am I supposed to know the difference? Is that outfit to impress me (or other men) and I should smile and say "pretty dress" or is it just for her and I should pretend I don't see her unless she's being harassed by men I know she's not trying to impress, in which case I should jump into the fray? Do you realize how impossible that standard is to even try to uphold?

This is not a hard question. If you are single and you see a woman and think "man, she's attractive and I'd like to meet her", go start up a conversation that doesn't sound like "Hey baby, love your tits in that dress. Nice ass too.".

If you start an innocuous conversation and she's a complete bitch in return, obviously you don't want anything to do with that person and you walk on.

There is no way to read the mind of any person to know whether or not he or she is available or will be interested in you in particular without actually having some interaction with them.

Is anyone in this thread upset if a man speaks to her because he thinks she's looking good? Isn't that how pretty much all of us do the mating thing? Even if you're not out there trying to meet a man, is it upsetting if a man says hi to you or whatever? We're not talking about being bothered by normal interactions with other humans, are we?

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

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GrayShades ( member #59967) posted at 6:59 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

No one said no women ever in the history of women dress to attract men's sexual attention. No one said that, not even in the quotes you provided. But really, why are you so adamant in tearing down an argument that no one made? Why are you so angry about the claims of people here that most women, most of the time, don't dress to sexually attract men, especially men they don't know? What is it here that has so pushed your buttons? Of course there are exceptions. Streetwalkers, for instance, typically dress to attract men who are willing to pay to have sex with them. Doesn't undermine the argument that most women don't do this most of the time.

Me: 50 on Dday
WH: Turned 48 the day before Dday
Dday: 05/16/17 One son, now young adult.

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sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 7:05 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

"It's when people make the assumption that because they think my skirt is short, I'm asking for sexual, leering, disrespectful behavior from the opposite sex."

This ^^^

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Carissima ( member #66330) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

I think it's obvious that PEOPLE dress to attract the opposite sex at certain points in their life. To suggest it's every time they venture out is simply ridiculous.

I do like to go all out when I go out for the evening because I rarely have the opportunity these days. I have health issues so knowing I look good is a confidence booster. It gives me strength to face the world, it's certainly not to look for sexual attention!

I mentioned earlier that we should not discount peer pressure for young women. If their friends are wearing short shorts and skimpy tops there is a good chance that's what they're going to veer to. It can take a long time for girls to be strong enough to say that's not for me.

I have a friend who identifies as asexual, she is in her forties and has never looked for a sexual relationship. My friend still loves clothes and dresses to flatter her figure, she doesn't see it as dressing sexy just what suits her.

I will admit that I can judge with the best of them. I think the main problem I see is that some women don't wear the correct size clothing. Just because you can squeeze into something doesn't mean you should. That's when most of the mishaps with yoga pants and leggings seem to happen. They're just that bit too tight and sometimes means the material is see through.

BTW that's another issue, there are certain items that can look opaque in the house but become see through under current lighting. What men think is a come on is simply a fashion mishap.

No matter how someone is dressed it does not excuse ogling or touching!

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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 7:17 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Dee,

I have never once had a problem with any man (or woman) complimenting my appearance, ever. In fact, I’m flattered. So no, not all of us are saying that.

But most of us seem to be saying we don’t mind it, or necessarily even dislike it, but we’re not seeking it or looking to “impress” anyone, which is what was asked in the topic title.

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

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 ibonnie (original poster member #62673) posted at 7:27 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

I've now started to get shown ads for places to vacation in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thanks RIO.

[This message edited by ibonnie at 2:37 PM, April 8th (Monday)]

"I will survive, hey, hey!"

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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 7:38 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

When I was young I didn't dress to "impress" men. But, I dressed in what I liked and what I felt would make me attractive. I wouldn't wear anything I didn't like because I felt it would impress someone.

Now, I dress to cover my body and be able to go out in public. Looking presentable is a #goal. Nothing more or less.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 7:51 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Ibonnie, I think, somewhere in this mess, that you found an answer to your question. Unintended side effects excluded I think that answer was something along the lines of yeah sometimes people, men or women, do dress a certain way when seeking external validation.

Me personally, I like to use the forehead sticky note method when I'm wondering if my eyes are pretty, but it seems to me that alot of other people are a shitton more subtle. But forehead sticky notes work or they wouldn't be a thing, ya know?

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 7:53 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Me personally, I like to use the forehead sticky note method when I'm wondering if my eyes are pretty, but it seems to me that alot of other people are a shitton more subtle. But forehead sticky notes work or they wouldn't be a thing, ya know?

Oh so much better than the bedazzled....Sac. that's an attention grabber for sure, just not the kind of attention you really want, googly eyes or not.lmao

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 7:56 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Well, yeah, bedazzling my sac is not about wondering if it's a good looking sac. Its more like a rich dude giving his pet poodle a cashmere sweater, ya know? Different motivations.

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 7:58 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

Should we be thankful that the motivation for bedazzling sac with googly eyes isn't a popular trend?

Rich or not I dont know how well that would go over, walking down the street hahaha.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

I mean, if you had a pet dog that really loved going on walks but got cold easy, what would you do?

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 8:11 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2019

I guess you're right, it must have been zero women then.

Of course that info you cited from the Daily Mail is probably perfectly legit and followed all the scientific protocols.

My bad

Maybe. But I don't think its nearly as legit as offering a few pictures of women dressed in very objectively revealing outfits and claim that is evidence that all women who dress sexy, which is subjective, are doing so for the purpose of male attention.

However, I'm going to end this side bar. I personally do not like engaging people with sarcasm and contempt. I only am responding to you in such a disrespectful manner because I have to assume that is how prefer to communicate on this topic based on the nature of your posts and response to mine in this thread. There are people I know that use sarcasm when they are arguing in ignorance, but I am not going to make that assumption about you.

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” - Oscar Wilde

Feel free to have the last word and correct any of my spelling.

But on a serious note, I generally like what you have to offer and think you give people great advice.

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