SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Like the people that dress to impress themselves and wear what they want to wear have an easier time validating themselves? Whereas people that dress with the goal of attracting attention or illiciting a certain response from other people are seeking external validation/feedback/attention to feel good about themselves?

I dress to wear what I like - depends on the situation totally. I like to look nice for me AND yeah, I like other people to think I look nice as well. Does that mean I'm looking for men to "leer" at me? No. Does that mean I wouldn't be happy if someone told me I looked nice or was "checking me out?" Nope. That feels nice too. Do I give a shit every time I walk out the door whether I look good and/or may attract attention from someone? Haha! Hell no!

Does that mean that I'm searching for external validation all the time? Don't think so. Is it "bad" to want others to think you look nice? No, I don't think so either.

If we did, I guarantee I'd get a memo home from school about the required length of my daughter's hosta leaves. My son could wear any size bear skin he chose, as long as it wasn't dyed a gang-associated color.

I wasn't thinking there'd be a gender difference in leaf vs fur. Up here in the great white north, female or not I'd be wearing the fur lol

I don't think there an answer to pleasing everyone with regards to how people dress and their intentions. I say to each their own.

I say to each their own.

Absolutely.

I think there is an expectation in a society for a woman to look pretty, otherwise too much judgement and negative comments.

The desired traits in man are to be strong, competitive, emotionless, etc, and in a woman her looks.

So, same as men struggle to not appear weak, women put their efforts in looking their best.

In a way, to look good is equal to be successful.

Some truth to this ^^^^

I've also seen criticism of wives who "don't even try" to keep themselves up. Can't win, I guess.

She's dressing to impress herself remember

And if a mother knows these kind of clothes will send an "unwanted message"

A grown ass woman who dresses like this KNOWS that they sending an "UNWANTED MESSAGE"

That will make anybody think that the " unwanted message" is not that "unwanted"

I find this absolutely disgusting. While I dress modestly, I have every right to dress however I want and not be molested, ogled, catcalled or anything else because of it.

We should be teaching our sons, that it's absolutely wrong to disrespect a woman or her body based on what she's wearing.

Society hasn't changed as much as people think it has.

I wear what I want.

I work with many overweight women, some of them bursting out of their clothes (usually ripping their pants and leaving to get more). Nobody ever calls them "dressing sexy." If you have a nice body, you better cover it. If you are overweight, wear what you want. Hmm. Sounds like judgment inspired by jealousy?

Let me get this straight: overweight women wear the same tight clothes as slim women, no one thinks it's sexy, and you think that attitude was engineered by the overweight women? If you think that overweight women aren't criticized every damn minute of every damn day over what they "can" and "can't" wear, I have about 10,000 links to share with you.

ETA: Also, thanks for presenting "overweight" and "nice body" as natural opposites. Great recovery message for anyone whose WS's AP was slimmer than they are.

[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 5:20 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

If my daughter wears a tank top to school because it's June and the place has no air conditioning, it's not being done to make the anyone gawk. Now, if she were taking duck-lipped selfies in that tank top, with a camera angle pointed at her cleavage, she and I would have words about the context and the message that sends. (It hopefully goes without saying that no outfit or attitude gives permission to harrass or assault.) Body language, facial expressions and context define the message. Clothes alone do not.

Finally, to wrap back around to the original question, my daughter is self-confident in many areas of her life, not just clothes. She could snap her fingers and be in a relationship tomorrow if she wanted to (I know this factually, from offers she's turned down), but she says she doesn't have the time to spend on anyone else with all her classes and activities. She dresses for herself, and while she's happy if a friend finds her outfit to be cute, her self-validation does not appear to be tied up in it in any way.

This is a very refreshingly healthy and balanced attitude for a father to have on this topic r.e. his daughter.

My DD is in the "dresses for girls" category. As far as the standard dilemmas and vicissitudes of parenting a teenage daughter go, I'm pretty sure I'm cheating at life.

"I taught my daughters to dress appropriately for a given situation (including leading by example), and to have respect for themselves in the process. Something must have sunk in because they do just fine."

The problem with this is that the onus is on the female to not attract unwanted attention. That's pretty impossible. The onus should be on males to not assault females, period.

I teach my sons not to treat people as objects. All people deserve respect no matter how they look.

"We should be teaching our sons, that it's absolutely wrong to disrespect a woman or her body based on what she's wearing."

Amen!

Society hasn't changed as much as people think it has.

Humans haven't evolved much apparently. Some posts back it was mentioned that we all have that natural instinctive drive to do what nature deems necessary to procreate. Be that dress to attract attention or whatever.

No humans have definitely not evolved much. Here I thought we had. So sad.

No matter what your gender, shape, size it shouldn't matter what you wear (as long as you aren't wearing flip flops in snow...Then you just risk getting frost bitten toes).

WCE, I'm actually a woman, despite my username, but I'm happy to report that my H feels exactly the way I do about this issue.

We should be teaching our sons, that it's absolutely wrong to disrespect a woman or her body based on what she's wearing.

Ahhh, the conversation that never happens.

We've been talking for decades about "how women should or shouldn't look. for men."

Somehow it's never about "how men should or shouldn't look. at women."

Because, you know, one is obviously a "choice," while the other is presented as an "immutable fact of nature."

WCE, I'm actually a woman, despite my username, but I'm happy to report that my H feels exactly the way I do about this issue.

Well that's some sort of gender- normativity on my part. I plead guilty and am donning a hair-shirt, forthwith.

But I'm very glad to hear the child has 2 parents with healthy attitudes toward female sexuality. So many of my daughter's peers have stories from home that make me think: "Well, that's going to be years and years of therapy down the road..."

"The whole purpose of a push-up bra is to make your breasts appear to conform to the male-gaze-ideal-fantasy-version of breasts."

omg. you've likely never been age 50, having nursed many babies.

The more I read about people saying that people dress for the attention of the opposite sex the more I feel like I should just never wear anything but yoga pants, PJs, or sweats when I leave the house. Then I remember that what you wear has absolutely no bearing on anything, I mean I was raped when I was wearing sweatpants and a messy bun.

Those talking about teenage girls giving the wrong impression by the way they dress, get real! Teen boys don't need any visual stimuli, they are vats of hormones. Also if dressing provacative were such a turn on, why in all the "barely legal" porn are the girls dressed younger and tommyboyish?

omg. you've likely never been age 50, having nursed many babies.

Hahahahaba

Oh how true. I'm in the DD size range now and man these girls need some support. Of course the bra comes off every chance I get cause I hate them!!! I only wear the darn things to stop myself from being knocked out when I run.

I try to hide my breasts as much as I can. I had surgery to remove a suspicious lump leaving one breast perkier than the other due to how much they removed and how it was stitched back up. Always been a source of self conscious weirdness for me. So no I don't dress in any way to flaunt them.

Why on Earth would someone go through the misery of wearing a wired push-up bra, and then squeezing themselves into a skin-tight, low-cut shirt, if not to make their breasts look sexually "tantalizing"?

Push-up bras are misery? Since when? I am a 38J and not wearing a push up bra is misery. Corsets and bodices are amazing, doubly so if you have them made to fit you. They are the only thing that actually supports well if you are a large breasted woman. Which comes with a WHOLE host of back issues.

It bothers me more when women get surgery to get attention.

Fashion is strange anyway. Why do we all have to follow whatever they put in the stores? I sew from vintage patterns. The only time I wear heels is with a vintage dress. I'd rather wear a tailored thing I made myself or knit myself from really nice fabric. When clothes fit and the fabric feels good that's the most important thing for me. I think a person who has spent the time to dress well is nice to look at. But I don't judge anyone who does not have the resources to do so or who wants to be comfortable in modern stretch casual wear or the person who wants clothes that are easy care, just wash and dry and wear.

As far as dressing sexy, I feel women are encouraged to do so. Some want the attention and some like the feeling that they are sexy. Some wear sexy clothes because they have always done so a d some do it because they think it makes them look younger.

We should be teaching our sons, that it's absolutely wrong to disrespect a woman or her body based on what she's wearing.

Society hasn't changed as much as people think it has.

Thank You!!!

This starts and ends with how a man reacts to the way a woman is dressed. I have NEVER seen a woman or a group of women cat call a man.