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Women, When You Get Dressed, Is Your Goal to Impress Men?

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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 7:14 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I put on clothing because it's not legal to go naked...(maybe it's ok to be topless in Canada, not sure on that law) and it's to damn cold NOT to wear clothes.

That and I'd scare the crap out of anyone who dared lay eyes on all this womanness lmao.

I dress according to what fits, is comfortable and keeps me warm...Period. I couldnt care less what anyone thinks of what I wear, whether or not I have makeup on, if my hair is all done fancy or quickly put up in a clip.

My WH says certain clothes I have do a fine job of getting him aroused and that all he wants to do is take them off. Under no circumstance do I dress to get him excited on purpose. I simply want to be comfortable and warm. Did I mention warm? I have spent most of this winter with four layers on the top half and thermol pants under jeans or regular pants.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

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max2018 ( member #63663) posted at 7:18 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Ok

By what said here all parents how won't let there daughters go out in low cut tops , daisy dukes, full make-up and high heels are abusive

Got it.

On a serious note

RESPECT THE COMMUNITY WHEN YOU DRESS YOURSELF

IT'S SIMPLE

[This message edited by max2018 at 1:22 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

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TKOGA ( member #58595) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Max2018 WHAT?!?! Where did anyone say that? One hell of a leap in logic there.

27 year old woman. Walked in on my fiancé with his best friend's girlfriend. Called off the wedding and broke up with him but no one knows why. This sucks.

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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I think how we dress is primarily how we express our selves and our individualism.

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sunwillshine ( member #47200) posted at 7:32 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

When I was very young, I tried modeling. I hated the make up and the heals. So, I quit. It just wasn't for me. However, as a young woman when I was a waitress, tight jeans doubled my tips. Was I dressing to flaunt what I had? Absolutely.

As I matured, I did not dress to impress anyone but myself. I do think captain Rodgers has a point. Some young women/teens do dress for the attention. Most grow out of it. Some do not. I am old fashioned, because I never considered yoga pants acceptable running around town wear and I only wear them while exercising.

Again, I know I'm old because I see more women in yoga pants than jeans these days.

D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R

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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 7:32 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Max, what are you saying? Your sentence doesn't even make sense.

I dress for comfort, which usually means yoga pants and a tshirt. I do do yoga every day, too. I also don't wear makeup or do my hair. It's up in a messy bun type thing. A lot of my clothes are tight. Some are low cut and short.

I don't need external validation. I really don't care what others think of me.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

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max2018 ( member #63663) posted at 7:34 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Leap of logic !!

YEAAH RIGHT.

keep telling yourself that

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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 7:38 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I dress for myself and age appropriately. I like to be comfortable and I am actually fairly modest/conservative with clothing. Even during my affair. The AP commented once that I dress like a teacher or libriarian. I didn’t care.

However have there been periods in my life that I might dress for male attention? Yes. Definitely.

I think there are stages we all go through. This is a board comprised of primarily married folk or of a certain age or maturity so I am not sure it’s the best representation of women on a whole. I know plenty of people who do both. It’s a generalization to say women do or don’t. It’s the ones who do that I believe get some men confused. We color our lenses with our experiences with it.

8 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 7:39 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Well, I don’t, but then again I don’t dress super cute. I am athletic and usually wear what is comfortable – example high heels would be a nightmare for me while recovering from a really long run so I just don’t really mess with them much at all. I don’t wear much makeup and don’t do anything special with my hair other than blow dry it.

I don’t think dressing for attention is necessarily a bad thing. I don’t know how to apply eye makeup haha. But sometimes I see women with a full face of quite a lot of makeup and I think it looks great, even like art to me! Sometimes I don’t think it looks great but then again, art! We don’t all like the same things.

I suppose to some extent I am dressing to impress in that I don’t go out in my pajamas, even though it is more comfortable. And I don’t go braless, even though it is more comfortable. I want to look put together or appropriate to where I am going so maybe that is me dressing to impress on some level.

I think what matters honestly is that no matter how a person is dressed they should be treated respectfully and not ogled. Of course humans notice each other or find each other attractive, but I am sure most people know the difference between noticing a person and looking them up and down/making people feel uncomfortable or vulnerable.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 7:39 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Ok

By what said here all parents how won't let there daughters go out in low cut tops , daisy dukes, full make-up and high heels are abusive

Got it.

If anything, I think this is evidence that supports the otherside's argument. I think parents are worried the child may send a message that she is not intending to communicate.

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max2018 ( member #63663) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

KingRat

What message ?

She's dressing to impress herself remember

And if a mother knows these kind of clothes will send an "unwanted message"

A grown ass woman who dresses like this KNOWS that they sending an "UNWANTED MESSAGE"

That will make anybody think that the " unwanted message" is not that "unwanted"

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CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 7:58 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

unless you are wearing a three-piece suit with a hat every day.

OwningItNow, I work in an industry now where our clients have millions of dollars in assets that they entrust to us to manage on a daily basis, so yes, I do wear a 3-piece suit to work daily. There are some "old-fashioned" ideas that are still embraced. Ypur interpretation of it as being "sexist" is your prerogative.

I taught at the high school and college levels for two decades. I have daughters. And yes, I am judgmental. Why? Because there are things to judge between and among. If anyone says that they aren't "judgmental" then they are either naive or a liar. I am neither.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 8:01 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I have to dress professionally. I match colors so the colors are pleasing to the eye. I don’t dress to enhance or downplay my shape.

I just don’t

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 8:19 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

What message ?

She's dressing to impress herself remember

And if a mother knows these kind of clothes will send an "unwanted message"

A grown ass woman who dresses like this KNOWS that they sending an "UNWANTED MESSAGE"

That will make anybody think that the " unwanted message" is not that "unwanted"

That wasn't the question though. The question was what is the primary motivation in dressing a certain way. You are assuming motivation is to fit your own bias.

Rapists often use the same argument: If she didn't want to me to come on to her, she should have not presented herself in such a manner. I'm not implying you are a rapist at all, I'm only making a point that assuming why someone presents themselves in such a manner is usually doing so to fit their own narrative.

I'm not suggesting there are not incidental consequences of presenting one self in a certain manner. If an adult male dresses in drag, no doubt he will unfortunately have to deal with a negative response. However, his primary motivation is most likely not to dress in drag for"attention" or to seek a negative response. The difference is an adult is able to weigh the consequences of his/her choice where a child is not.

I would bet dollars to doughnuts that if I cat-called a woman on the beach in a bikini, she would likely not be responsive to my behavior no matter how good looking I was. She may choose to dress that way to feel sexy or proud of her body but that is very different than doing so to be eye candy for any man that should see her.

[This message edited by KingRat at 2:24 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

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Followtheriver ( member #58858) posted at 8:29 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Since my work involves animals, barn clothes, my hair pulled back and being covered in muck of some sort every single day, I usually do dress up when we go out.

I wear clothes that I feel good in and my BH appreciates seeing me in. Sometimes it will be a pair of black jeans, silk shirt and high heels and other times it might be a leather skirt, pretty blouse with knee high boots. Whatever it is, it is for myself and my BH.

I also do my hair, nails, put on makeup and wear perfume. All for myself and my BH. He loves it when I put effort into looking good for him, especially when we go out and I love the look in his eyes when I do.

Max2018

We live close to an Amish community and whenever I go, I dress respectful. I usually wear a long skirt, a modest blouse and my hair up. I go as far as to usually take my BH or my DS with me. I do this because I do respect their religion, beliefs and community. But if they come to my place, it is whatever I am wearing at the time.

The only time that I have a problem with what a girl or woman is wearing is when she wears a pair of cowboy boots that you know have never or will ever get dirty by stepping in a pile of horse shit. I will admit that pretend cowgirls drive me crazy.

FWW
D-day 2015




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max2018 ( member #63663) posted at 8:34 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Rapists often use the same argument: If she didn't want to me to come on to her, she should have not presented herself in such a manner. I'm not implying you are a rapist at all

I will lets the mods deal with this

And by the way that WAS the question

Women who dress like this are looking for a message to send and it's not positive at all

If you will stop your daughter then you should start with yourself

[This message edited by max2018 at 2:34 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

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Girl123 ( member #62259) posted at 8:38 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

It's a little difficult for me to express myself in English but I will try.

My point in my last post was that I think most women dress to impress both men and women, no just men. I don't mean reveling clothing but to be presentable or fashion.

I lived in several countries and most women dressed to impress.

The exception were feminists and very busy woman (several kids + work).

Maybe it's a culture thing, a just have one American friend and she dressed more for comfort. Like you guys are saying.

I dress for comfort and form. In my job I wear the same as everyone around me. Outside I'm more hippie so several dresses that are comfortable but looks good on my body type. I don't leave the house without light make up and earrings.

Both men and women compliment me about my style and body (the men compliment my husband about that) and I don't see any problems with it.

This is just my personal experience!

In regards about the teenagers, yes you can see the ones that want more attention just looking at the clothing. My mom used to call the parents to talk about it, even if the student was outside the school

[This message edited by Girl123 at 4:38 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]

Him: WS/BH, serial cheater, Ddays 2011- June/2019
Me: BW/MH, 6 months EA- 1 week PA, Dday April/2019
Divorced
"Here comes the sun"

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Zamboni ( member #65496) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I recently heard “ Women dress to impress other women” and I agree somewhat with this.

If you are wearing designer shoes or a style that is unique, it’s usually another woman that will notice.

Is a man going to notice that’s a Tory Burch skirt? Probably not.

I dress up for myself because it makes me feel better as most of the women are here said. When I was still with my WH I dressed most times for him because I wanted to look nice for him, not other men.

My WH had a three year affair with a COW. In an email he told her to wear a nice dress “only for him with no underwear”

I know she dressed up FOR HIM. She dolled herself up

to attract his attention because she is a vile whore.

So, of course some women dress trampy on purpose to get attention from men. Some lack common sense and just put it all out there with their boobs hanging out or their skirts so short you can see their ass. I have seen that on my 17 year old son’s Instagram.

When people are having an affair it’s common for both parties to invest more time in their appearance by dressing better, working out, etc.

Me: BW
Him: WH Serial Cheater / NPD
Multiple affairs
Almost Divorced

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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 8:59 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

Oh I'm in the mucking boots category as well.

No point wearing anything nice when out with barn animals lol.

Of course do you have any idea how difficult it is to find cost effective fashionable clothing for someone that's only 4'9"??? Ya I can shop in the kids section so..... If fashionable means a 40 something woman dressing in kids clothes I'm all there lmao.

It's sad that a woman cannot wear what she wants without being labelled "looking for attention" or an easy target for rapists. It shouldn't matter what you are wearing, people shouldn't be judgemental and rude about it. I think the powers that be (whatever you believe) screwed up when they took away our fur...

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

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cheatingwho ( member #37407) posted at 9:09 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

I am so sick of men thinking this! Like my brother keeps posting on FB about how women don't need to wear all that makeup cause men prefer a natural look (except what he thinks is a natural look is still women in a ton of makeup that is just understated). My sister-in-law and I keep trying to explain that women wear makeup for themselves but he doesn't even acknowledge it.

With my chronic illness most of the time I dress for comfort, if I dress up it's cause I am feeling slightly better and want to dress the way I feel or because I want to cheer myself up.

I don't dress to impress anyone

ME: Non-binary and Queer (pronouns are they/them/theirs)
HIM: Irrelevant Divorced - 01/2015
------------------
1 living kidbit (DS-22), 2 in heaven
Still you wonder who's cheating who and whose being true

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