SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just curious. Mine followed me to the bathroom where I locked him out, and that’s when she told me everything. Then after I sorta remember him saying at least I will still have my girls.. but I can’t remember if I threatened divorce... then his friend walked me home. He came later and we didn’t talk that night. The next day was all the questions and the why’s. But that night because it was in front of all his friends he kinda played a tough guy act. I mean we were 25.. how was your trauma night or day of finding out?

I'll go back to how I found out.

My wife had told me just the day before that she had seen a lawyer about a divorce.

Needless to say, I was in shock. I told her i would go to counseling to become a better husband

She was staying with her parents in an apartment just 1 block over from ours.

When I got back to our apartment, her laptop was left open.

I needed to use it because I had broken my brand new phone and had to have a new one due to work.

I found an email address that I didn't recognize. I guessed her password.

I put it into my phone and never really saw anything alarming.

The next day, while at work, I start seeing tons of emails back and forth to her lover.

I went to my work computer and pulled her email history and there it was.

I showed my boss and he let me go for a couple of days so I could handle the situation.

My trauma was awful. I've never felt so lost, hurt, livid, or ashamed. I wanted to hide from the world.

I would find a bathroom at work and just die inside.

I told everyone I knew, and never have regretted it.

I'm sorry you are suffering. I've been there.

That's the short version.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question on the topic.

My wife's first response when I called was to say, I thought you said you weren't going to be snooping anymore!

The second call I made while I was at the bank changing my account info, she said it wasn't So and So, but someone else.

The next call I made, she blamed it all on me.

When I finally confronted her face to face, she said that someone had stolen their IDs and made the whole thing up.

After all that, she went cold to me. I was dieing but she didn't care.

An affair and the aftermath are purely from Satan.

First EA Affair - complete stonewalling. Would never admit anything was going on or either one crossed the boundaries.

Last Affair - he came and admitted it. I took it on the chin. No yelling. No hysterics. No drama. Until he started the ILYBNILWY snd “I want a Divorce” crap.

Affair ends.

Then DDay2 occurs and I find out it was false reconciliation and it had been going on for months. So I confronted him at DDay2 and he admits it.

He just assumed I would rug sweep this affair like I did his first EA. He was unprepared and blindsided when I told him I was D him.

He tried to play the CYA game and lie his way out of it initially. I was way ahead of him.

On DDay she got mad that I was going to ruin her “friendship”, blameshifted, gaslighted, rewrote marital history, etc, etc, etc.

Later when they were both outed publicly she was embarrassed, ashamed, depressed...quite a difference a few months can make.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I caught her over the phone while she was out with the guy. She clammed up. Didn't come back home for two full hours, with her girlfriend in tow. Why'd she bring her? I can think of a million reasons, all bad. I met her outside and came at her with a litany of questions but she acted sheepish and standoffish. When I told her to pack her shit and not come back until she could be honest with me, she donned this incredible look of disgust, as if *I* were the asshole here. Goddamn was she angry at me for kicking her out, but she didn't even try to stay. She obviously didn't want to even acknowledge what just happened.

Day 2 was the real "exposure" in her mind, I imagine, since she discovered during our two hour argument that I'd already called my mom, sister, and closest friends and told them about this. I also informed them all of some of our more carefully guarded secrets as I frantically tried to talk through just why she would do this to me, to us, and get the best feedback I could from those who had the full and complete Story of Us. Well, she didn't like that too much. She was already blame-shifting that whole argument, but after learning of that, she started lobbing hurtful statement after hurtful statement, trying to get a rise out of me. That was probably when she felt "exposed". So how did she react? By becoming the meanest bitch I've ever seen her become. I think part of the reason why she decided so abruptly to discard me was she simply didn't want to face my family and friends, an incredible coward to the bitter end, that one.

I caught her and her OM in the living room of MY house getting ready to have sex. (She was giving him a blowjob.)

I marched in and she screamed and jumped off him and ran upstairs. I could hear her screaming and begging me not to hurt him from upstairs while I was pummeling the guy to within an inch of his life. OM got away from me, ran outside naked and bloody, and jumped in his car and locked the doors. He left the keys in his pants in the living room.

My fWW locked herself in the upstairs bathroom and called the cops. They got there ten minutes later and I was sitting on the front porch talking to my neighbor waiting for them. I was arrested of course and the OM went to the hospital.

Sometimes I just wonder if I was stupid to forgive. Like he should have chased me and didn’t. I guess we all handle things differently. I mean it’s also a good sign too cause he wasn’t prepared. Like the typical chase immediately I am sorry and then months or years later chat again. Plus booze was involved so... that’s not helpful.

Why do you feel that your forgiveness is stupid ?

Is it that you feel you lost come "control" over the situation ? You gave up your leverage ?

My Dday is a blur. I remember my W going catatonic. Me telling her that I was going to D her. That I don't take being walked all over lightly,etc. Anger. Lots of blazing white hot anger. I said a lot more, but I don't remember. My W doesn't remember either. She was at her breaking point and going catatonic muted everything I said. Tears, but no words.

There was one response when I suspected something ....denial and then a great deal of attention, affection and trying to prove me wrong...close to 18 months later . my suspicions were confirmed and he rushed home to find me in hysterics...and he then TT , minimized and we have been up and down in our R process ever since

The second time I found out I confronted him immediately over text and sent him a picture of the Starbucks VDAy card she had sent him and left a copy on his pillow. Needless to say he didn’t respond right away but knew the gig was up and started with the sorry and we started talking again. Only later two days after did I finally speak to him again and found out that he had been fucking her. So my pain went from hopeful to completely shattered in a relatively short period. The only saving grace was that he spared me the trickle truth and told me what I wanted to know.

The coward that my X was(and still is), within an hour of the exposure, he was packed and gone.

That was it.

To this day, we have never talked about any of it.

He is the biggest coward I have ever known.

It was 20 years ago and it could be yesterday. She was on a business trip with her sister. I called her hotel suite and a man answered and laughed when he found out I was her husband.

The phone was set down on the night stand so I could now listen in on three men with my wife! I finely hung up after one man got back on the phone and said it was his turn again. I got sick then drunk for the first time in many years.

When she came home she stood by the story that I heard the TV on in her room! YA she really said that with a straight face and stayed with it.

When I finally guessed what she had done and asked her directly she looked away with an 'I just got caught and this guy is smart' - smile on her face.

[This message edited by babypuke at 1:50 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

He was so unimaginative. He denied and gaslighted, then reacted with anger and blame.

Oh, he also blamed her. How could he refuse her relentless pursuit without being rude?

I never did true exposure. Just dumped all her shit, 36 LARGE lawn bags worth, on his front porch when i found out she was cheating and I knew she was there.

I never let her come home. Over the next couple years, every time i would see someone we knew, or someone called for her, I'd spill every freaking bean there was. Then they'd call her and she'd be pissed off.

That's even how her family found out.

I got a lie after lie after lie.

I received a "friend invite" on FB from OBS and wondered outloud why this person I rarely spoke too wanted to be friends on FB.

Lie 1: WW said she knew it was because she was trying to be a good friend to the AP and he misconstrued her intentions and made an advance and probably lied about it and she was reaching out.

As I exchanged more info with OBS, I began pushing:

Why would the OBS be saying X, Y and Z which led into the other lies:

Lie 2: It was sexting and it was wrong, it started in Dec.

Lie 3: It was sexting and it actually started in October.

Lie 4: I stepped out of our marriage and sex began in December.

It wasn't until I lied to WW and told her the OBS was sending me print outs of their sexting and she had 1 change to be truthful and if there were any other lies, she was gone.

Truth: Started in June, sexting in July and sex in October.

Liars Lie. Her crying was her for, not remorse she was in defense mode for how long, I can't even remember.

On DDay she was crying all over, 'cause I didn't discover them, it was POSOM BW who found them, and WW told me the story that afternoon.

On DDay2, we were in a discussion started by a message she sent POSOM, and with frustration and anger, she told me the true lenght of the A. After hours of crying she shutdown for the rest of that day.

*duplicate*

* - Hey, my first one! Sorry, mods!

[This message edited by BetrayedPR77 at 12:08 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

Sooo pretty much wayward way...

Deny deny deny..

So EA1 he refused to admit something was ever wrong.. said it was in my head and I was crazy. It was the first time I had to consider he could cheat.. unfortunately I rugswept and did everything to better the marriage but he was OFFENDE” that I accused him of cheating.

Note to Anyone listening... RUN 🏃🏽‍♀️

EA2 coworker told me I was imagining things and I was crazier than before... she was my friend too!

I thought it must be me and my insecurities.

Note to self!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID I SHOULD HAVE RUN 🏃🏽‍♀️ before.

PA1 - OW3

I had been suspicious 😒 but He denied it for weeks on... I found a text from SOW on his phone wishing he was there with her at a concert ..apparently he had broke it off when I found the condom!

Note to Everyone... If you find a condom in your car.. and he says it’s your DD from her party the previous week!!!!

🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️.

SOMEHOW I’m still here and feel like a Stupid loser...

had not found SI.. maybe if I had I would have left.

Anyway WAYWARDS LIE!!!