SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

With the nanny

Abandonedguy, I don't remember the study or where to find it now. I didn't try to google it again, either, though. IIRC it was 45 for women and 55 for men. I think it wasn't that there was a definite spike at those ages but that number was higher for that age cohort than the others. Apparently there are change of life and stage of life things going on about those ages.

A few cliches, actually.

“We got married too young and I didn’t get a chance to explore!” (To be fair, this was true but no one FORCED him to marry me and cheating isn’t the only available answer to this dilemma.)

“We hardly have sex!” (Untrue: after 18 years and 2 kids we averaged 3 times a week.)

“I honestly didn’t think you would even care.” (Ohhhh, pobrecito! That must be MY fault you didn’t think I CARED. And obviously the fact you hid it doesn’t mean this is a lie, right?)

“You gained weight.” (I did. It’s true. After two pregnancies and working full time and doing the bulk of the parenting I had trouble losing the weight. Meanwhile he’d also gained about 100# but please tell me alllll about how fat *I* am.)

There should be a stone monument in front of the court house with all of these statements chiseled into it as a warning to those who dare enter into this holy sacrament we call Matrimony.

That old cliche - he screwed his secretary. AP was single with no kids and she could make it all about him - laid the ego kibbles on thick.

Told me I had become negative. In the two years before the A I had struggled with two bouts of cancer with no support from him and nursed our son through several life threatening surgeries while under going treatment for my second cancer - so excuse me for not being little miss sunshine.

He had met his soulmate - WTF was I for the last thirty years.

We were having problems in the marriage - well, having an A sure as hell isn't going to solve them.

second Dday - he said he felt our MC and I were attacking him. No - idiot - it's called being her accountable for you shitty choices.

The ex boyfriend from high school who broke her heart and then said "what's up" after 25 years.

Stunningly selfish, weak-minded piece of shit that submits to anything that tells her what she likes to hear.

1st 1, 23 yrs ago “you weren’t there for me” no shit Sherlock I was in hospital having ur twins 🙄 so he fucked my best friend for over 3 months while I was in hospital with our sick son!!

2nd 1, 15 yrs ago ish “I was drunk u weren’t there for me”

while I was away with my friend celebrating her university degree for the night!!

3rd 1, 22 mths ago while on our sons stag weekend he fucked the 22yr old bar person, he was 51 at the time,

apparently I hadn’t been giving him enough attention,

But hey he didn’t get any enjoyment from it as he didn’t “come”

So it’s all good huh 🤮

Midlife crisis at its finest 👏

Definitely consistent in his excuses 🙋‍♀️

Mid life crisis.

I didn't support his dreams.

I flinched once when he tried to touch me.

I hold grudges.

I called him a moron for not understanding DS's homework to help him.

I'm a control freak.

Boss (FWH)/Employee (It).

MLC thrown in for good measure.

Delayed response to childhood abuse and trauma. Violence and power were a part of all of my (many) early sexual experiences. That dynamic came flooding back at middle age when I engaged with AP, who reminded me of my rapist.

I’m not sure if that’s technically a cliche, but I haven’t read many (any?) wayward wife stories that do not include early sexual abuse.

Just sending you hugs Pippin. <3

Back atcha friend :)

Your sharing made it OK for me to share. Your process makes my own terrifying process not quite so scary. Your continued happy marriage to the man who stood by you gives me hope.

And your jokes are so funny! Achievement unlocked :) Wayward humor is a pretty delicate matter. . . .

Seven year itch.

I'm a doctor. STBXH (aged 48) is a doctor. He ran off with a nursing assistant turned crossfit personal trainer who is 25.

Among the many gems I was told before I found out about OW:

You spend a lot of time at your job (no shit Sherlock, so do you since we have the same profession and you knew exactly what our lives would entail).

People change, and maybe we're not suited now. I mean, you used to like lifting weights but you don't anymore. I mean WTAF?! He was scraping the bottom of the barrel there to justify his A to himself.

Its what men do....I think he had this plan to cheat since he was 14..

WE are married 36 years...I have zero doubt he cheated since the day we met.

He would never see it any other way. I am no longer jealous of any new OW...they can have him...I know what they are getting.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 9:31 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

MLC; met 10 years younger MOW while training with a group (all 3 of us are endurance athletes); she was looking for an exit A, and blew sunshine up his ass telling how great he was at everything, and he requires all the ego kibbles he can get due to his childhood trauma and FOO issues. Started with flirty text messages about workouts and progressed to sex. She wanted a new life, he just wanted someone to tell him how great he is 24/7 because he needs constant validation.

My XW went through MLC (work and health stress induced) and had past CSA. She now lives with the AP as a form of denial and continued rewrite. She told me she "settled" with me. Her AP is so many levels below me it's comical that she doesn't see the irony of her statement.

I'm remarried now and further into my new beginning so I could give two fucks about the XW and her AP these days.

Her sister also just recently hit MLC and had same past CSA. She's now repeating what my XW did. I feel somewhat validated by that fact, being able to observe this same exact cheater script played out from the outside. It's at the D stage now. Her AP is miles below standards that exBIL represents. I know how this one is going to conclude!

Both hit MLC at 40 to 50 age range.