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Have any WS’s ever apologized to the OBS? (In this case they are not married but have been together 6 years and are now expecting a child) Did it help or hurt? This conversation came up today between me and WH on whether he should reach out to apologize. I would have appreciated an apology from her but never got one. Should my WH apologize to her boyfriend, or do you think it would just cause more problems? Not sure if men think differently than women on this. For me, an apology wouldn’t take back what they did but it would help knowing if she was sorry and didn’t feel great about herself for getting another woman’s husband to screw her! Do betrayed men feel the same way or no?

NC. Period.

He needs to respect that this man is trying to heal. He doesn't need to hear from the man who had an affair with his SO.

If the man reaches out to your husband, at some point, then your WS can apologize. Otherwise, he needs to learn to respect boundaries.

Maybe your husband can write a letter of apology to the OBS. And give it to you. It might help you,to read what he would say,if given the chance.

As a BW I can say no amount of apologizing from the OW would make me feel better. If they’ve moved on as a couple with a child on the way, I would say let them be.

Reaching out to apologize was more my idea. But I’m thinking you’re right. Just because I would like an apology from her doesn’t mean he wants to hear from my husband.

I have no interest in the OM and would be pissed if he ever tried to contact me.

We haven’t done this but I’m eager to see the responses. I also want my husband to do this for the same reasons. So far we haven’t because 1) I never actually told OBS about the affair so it’s possible he doesn’t know and is living in ignorant bliss. 2) it violates NC

I kind of like your idea hellfire.

[This message edited by Morecomplete at 6:54 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

The more I think about it, the more him apologizing seems like it’s really more for me. I want to know he doesn’t think he’s “cool” for screwing another man’s girlfriend. But he told me at the time that everything happened, she said she was broken up with her boyfriend, but later on that seemed questionable and they were definitely still talking once they were “back together”. He says nothing about it makes him feel cool and he’s been more focused on the hurt he’s caused me and our family. I think it’s hard for me to accept how badly I got screwed over. We had just found out I was pregnant about a week beforehand and he still did what he did. This has been a hard reality to swallow. I don’t know what I’m looking for in any of this.

I get what your saying. I think what I really want is for him to show some humility about what he did to all the innocent people. Me, OBS, my three kids, their two, and the collateral damage to those around us like my family, the people I work for, etc.

Morecomplete I feel the same way. I would like to see my WH truly humbled to everyone he’s hurt. Even though she is more responsible to her bf, he still took part in it. I do believe he is remorseful and feels ashamed. He was holding our baby early in the morning a few days ago (the one I was pregnant with at the time) and started crying. So why isn’t that enough for me?

Should the dog shit I stepped in last week apologize to my shoe? No. It's a piece of shit and it did what pieces of shit do. Same goes for APs.

Mine did once he realized I exposed to OBS. It was a short conversation.

WH - “I’m sorry...”

OBS - “F*ck off”

*click*

I didn’t know about this until after it was done. Both WH and ONS told me. They had the same version 😂

Interesting factoid - when I asked how he got the number I was told “I’ve always had it. In case he called - I’d know who it was and why they were calling”.

Shaking my damn head.

FWIW - I wouldn’t want to hear from AP. OBS didn’t want to hear from WH

Now - if you need your WH to write OP a letter of apology there is nothing wrong with that. It would be interesting reading. But don’t send it. NC is NC for all involved.

If anyone should get a heartfelt apology letter from your WH it should be you.

(Edited for bad spelling)

[This message edited by Chaos at 8:17 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Do betrayed men feel the same way or no?

No thanks. That fuck face can save his breath for his next damsel in distress and fuck right off. Any words from his face would have likely resulted in a wired jaw for a month or two.

My H apologized to the OBS, but only after I confirmed that the OBS welcomed it. My situation is different in that OBS and OW we’re already getting divorced. In a bit to keep my H’s interest, she told OBS that she won’t be sleeping with him anymore and that set off a divorce. That phone called did four things:

- gave my H a chance to resolve some of his guilt

- gave the OBS a little control back. He got to ask my H questions that his wife wouldn’t answer.

- OW denied the affair even after I exposed her and she still called my H. Once OBS talked to my H, she couldn’t deny it anymore. She just minimized it.

- it bursted their affair bubble in my mind because now OBS is conveying a message from my H to OW about leaving us alone.

This was only possible because OBS was mostly over his wife. Finding out about the affair was a relief to him after 1.5 years of wondering what he did wrong. His response was “I feel sorry for your H because whatever OW wants OW gets! Tell him he dodged the bullet.”

I used to want an apology from the APs because I assumed they had some decency. Then my H shared more details about them or I found out from OBS. I also reached out to one whom I thought was a friend. Nope, they are absolutely crazy. I mean the kind of crazy you just stay away from. Now I am just happy they leave us alone.

It’s not fair,

Maybe you feel screwed over because OW got away with it. You never told the OBS. May I ask why?

It’s not fair,

Maybe you feel screwed over because OW got away with it. You never told the OBS. May I ask why?

I got an apology from the AP. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it. It felt like yet another example of her putting what she wanted first, and there were examples of this even after the apology.

The apology itself was the most selfish, look at me, awful piece of crap I’ve read in my life. She apologised for hurting my kids, with no mention of me, her former friend.

I asked her OBS if he wanted an apology from my fwh. He looked horrified. So my advice would be don’t bother. The damage is done. Don’t take the risk that you’ll potentially cause more.

I received a written 'apology' from ow and quite frankly I was enraged. I was just about to go into an important meeting 4 mths after d day and the email pinged through. I felt violated that she could enter my life again like that without warning. She also sent a letter to the same effect to my postal address just incase I didn't received the email .

I treated her the best way I knew how.... Total silence.

This thread makes me want to ask my WF for a letter to OBH that I can read.... Think a year after dday is too late?

I was never in contact with OBH because I was under the impression that OW already told him. They aren't even together anymore, which makes me happy. Good for him to move on, hope she suffered :)

I really don’t understand this need. If you need an apology letter, your husband can write it to you.

If I got one now, it would hurt all over again. And it would feel like an attempt to re-establish contact.