SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After 28 yrs of marriage kids all grown up , we are financially secure and I am just about to tell my wife I am leaving her but I know she will beg me to stay,

Anybody got advise on this.

I have given my tenant 2 months notice and I will move into the cottage then, unfortunately I will have to live in the same house as my wife for the next 2 months.

I feel I should at least give her 2 months to let it sink in.

I am leaving her for her infidelity reasons and the fact we have had a Argumentative last 8 yrs together, I am exhausted and my reservoir has run completely dry

Stay as calm as possible. Please tell her face to face and not in a text (like mine did). Be as respectful as you can, no matter what she did. No matter how you do it it is going to suck, but good luck!

Keep it short and simple. I've made the decision to divorce.

Cut out discussions you don't need to talk further.

From your previous posts if you don't get out now you'll probably end up living through another affair.

If you refuse to engage there's nothing she can do about it.

You just walk away. Go out, etc.

She doesn't own you.

Be true to yourself - be kind, be respectful, be calm.

Two months will go by quickly. Make sure your ducks are lined up, and look forward to when healing really begins.

Best of luck.

Oh Fireflyuk,

I went back and read your other post.

As absolutely disrespectful as your wife treated you, I wouldn’t tell her you are divorcing her. I would just have her served. Ideally, have her served in front of her friends and family.

She should be horribly embarrassed to have behave. The way she did.

You are showing your WW too much respect for her behavior. The EA, the blameshifting, the overbearing behavior towards her. She does not need two months notice that you are leaving her. I agree with having her served in a public setting. She wants to hide her behaviors just like trying g to go for a ride with her EX after dark so no one will see her. She is more concerned about her perceived appearance then she is of your relationship. She hasnt answered you questions to begin your healing process.

You worry about you now. She let another into your marriage and your not having it. Let her begin to face her consequences with the shock of being served like you were shocked that she betrayed you.

FF, you know that these next 2 months will be hell. They will be full of your WW throwing out every last trick in the book to get you back. If you know D is right for you, see a lawyer first and start getting everything in order. Plan to have her served much closer to your move out date.

Are you planning to divorce, or simply live separate lives? Tell her the day before you leave. No need to add additional misery for yourself for two months.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 6:54 AM, August 30th (Friday)]

The reason I am giving her 2 months notice is the fact she will find out in a couple of days that I have given our Tenant in the cottage 2 months notice and plan to move in there.

I have no family in this area and nowhere really to stay.

I have to stay nearby for my Business , and Hotels are very expensive here.

Ideally I would’ve liked to have my Tenant leave tomorrow and I then move in.

I also want to be fair on my Tenant and give her enough time to find other suitable accommodations.

I wouldn't say anything. Did she give you a heads up prior to cheating? No.

Get you ducks in a row. If you haven't already, meet with lawyers and figure out what your financial situation will be going forward (will you be required to pay spousal support?). If she asks you why the tenant is moving out, then you say it's because you asked them to vacate, as you need the space for yourself.

I agree with Marz and other that you should limit the amount of "notice" as much as possible. It is not your job to protect her any longer.

Whenever you do tell her, or if you have her served, I agree that you do NOT need to explain your decision. Don't discuss it and defend yourself, you don't have to. You say you both have been unhappy for years and she was unfaithful. That's all. Nothing left to discuss.

Sorry to hear it has come to this, but I'm happy for you that you have chosen a path forward. Good job for taking control of your life. Make it what you want it to be.

You tell her directly that you want a divorce and that you plan on moving into the cottage.

BUT…

She has a say. She has a voice.

She can’t refuse a divorce. Even if she doesn’t want one you can carry on. It only delays the process a little bit. But if you want a divorce you can get one with or without her approval or acceptance.

But chances are that cottage is half hers, your home half hers. Chances are you co-signed loans and mortgages, joint accounts and credit cards and the such. You two need to resolve the financial aspect of divorcing.

Seeing as how you have a joint business and work together… I don’t really see you simply walking out without some major preparation.

The reason I am giving her 2 months notice is the fact she will find out in a couple of days that I have given our Tenant in the cottage 2 months notice and plan to move in there.

I figured this was your reason. Usually having a tenant move out does not happen overnight. I have no advice on how to deal with your living situation - I gave my cheater another chance and he gave me a year of false R and then another 6 months of garbage and then decided he couldn't stand me anymore. Work late, don't engage telephonically, and try to stay out of the way as much as possible (I live with my WH and I KNOW that is easier said than done).

Of course you could just take the Steve Martin approach: "You want to break up with a girl? You go to her and you say, 'I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee'... and then you throw dog poop on her shoes."

(I believe this was on "Let's Get Small" album)

I say no matter what she's done stay as calm and respectful as you can. That is for your benefit, not hers. However you do it, approach it with dignity for yourself.

With the divorce papers and a process server. Your spouse didnt give you the courtesy of letting you know she was thinking about sleeping with someone else. That's exactly how my X, now, was told.

I’ve decided to wait until my Tenant is back from holiday to tell my wife I’m leaving her.

So far I haven’t really talked to her for 4 days and we have separate bedrooms anyway due to my apparent snoring and her Menopausal night sweats and erratic sleep pattern.

I’m keeping my distance from her.

So this is another thing I’ve been putting up with for the last 7 yrs, all the erratic menopausal mood swings,

So the Cottage I will move into also has a house on the same property rented out also.

We live in a very large private home which is valued at about 30% more than the other property.

I guess she can have her pick of which one she wants.

We have a considerable amount of cash, shares , dividends to go around so if split neither one of us will be needing.

My two children are grown up and are doing well with they fledgling careers .

I’m hoping for a equitable division of assets

Landlord here. I've had a lot of success with offering cash to a tenant to move out quickly.

Not bad advice,

My Tenant doesn’t need the money she just needs another place to stay.

It’s very difficult finding a rental in my area and will easily take 2-4 months

So I finally told my wife of 30 yrs I will be leaving her in 2 months once the cottage becomes available.

First she was angry and then reasonable and begged me to go to counseling with her.

I told her I don’t have anything left to give this relationship, it’s over.

I now need to stay strong and not give in to her manipulative ways, any suggestions pls

Cut off as much contact as possible. Stay away from home by finding other things to do.

Contact is a killer in these situations. You do have the right to just walk away.