SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know exactly where you are in your thinking. I tried to move on the first time my WW cheated and in my case did the world's dumbest rugsweep/faux reconciliation, only to find out years later that she was an incorrigible, serial cheater.

But when I got to that point, I turned off completely. Ending the M, getting a lawyer and moving on with my life was so patently obvious at that point that although it was a shitty few months dealing with all the D stuff, I never doubted myself for a second.

My advice is to stick with this attitude you have - there's zero need to prove anything to her, to talk about anything frankly (other than issues involving your son) and just let the lawyers hash things out. The rest is just a total waste of energy.

If you're not exercising, get to it. I started running every day and it was a huge help in my case.

I'm 5 years past all that nonsense and now remarried and with a 1 year old daughter. Life is good and you'll get there too buddy.

Damn. I'm sorry.

I am glad to see your sense of humor is intact. That is a promising sign.

Soldier ready to execute and do a fucking job? Hoorah!

Well Damn.

I have to say I'm not surprised. You were doing the heavy lifting initially, and the rugsweeping was too easy for you.

I would encourage you to get at least a phone consultation w/ an attorney before throwing her out. IF she pushes back you need to know what you can and cannot do legally. You certainly do not want to do anything that would hurt you or your son, or your custody of your son.

Also be ready for anything when you do show her the door. I would encourage you to record the conversation - you don't want to be accused of anything you did not do.

Hang in there. Stick around. We will support you through this.

So sorry you found yourself here again. You just learned a hard lesson that quite a few people have learned the same way. Never choose to be a second or a difficult choice in you own marriage! The second your wife started to entertain anyone else, You should have told her he can have her. You can't force someone to love you or be faithful to you. I learned that panful lesson years ago. Again, Sorry you had to go through this...

If you're not exercising, get to it. I started running every day and it was a huge help in my case

You know, that was the FIRST thing I thought to do.

I have been hitting the weights and the jump-rope super hard. It's productive and it keeps me from having to interact with WS more than I have to.

Beats drinking, right?

So your name doesn't really fit any more does it?

Congratulations on taking the steps out of infidelity. I hope you are looking forward to your future without the dead weight holding you down.

So your name doesn't really fit any more does it?

That's right!

Gonna purchase a premium membership here and change it. Something tells me I'm gonna need it

So, I confronted WS last night.

There was no begging, no yelling, nothing.

I told her that she gave me chlamydia and that the Maine CDC would be calling her to ask her about her recent sexual partners.

Initially she flatly denied it, then just sat there with this... churlish expression on her face. Irritated, I went in the garage and detailed my car to de-stress a little.

I came back in to get a glass of water and she spilled her guts. Said she slept with a co-worker while she was at a trade show. The co-worker is from a different state in a different division of the company. And no, I'm not calling HR and getting her fired; she'll need a job when she's on her own.

She said that she did it because she was angry with me about a number of issues. So, rather than be a fucking adult and talk to your husband of 7 years, she got hammered and took a ticket to Pound Town with a random guy. And of course, this was all accompanied with a nice side helping of histrionics, crying, and whatever else. WS says it's the truth and I don't believe her.

The sad part is, she'd have never told me had I not contracted an STI. If that's not poor character defined, I'm not sure what is.

I didn't throw her out as I planned to. A lawyer advised against it during a consultation. So, I'm sleeping in my office on my comfy futon. I don't want to be in that bed ever again, and she's taking it with her when she goes.

All that I can say is that you are doing the right things in the right way. Good luck to you and good riddance to her.

Unsure, you're doing the right thing. Expect more histrionics in the coming days and some last minute hail Marys. Keep your resolve! Her trying to blame you is ridiculous and so very disrespectful after you have offered her R twice in the past.

Whether the story about the random OM is true, it's pretty safe to say he probably wasn't the only one in the last 3 years. I'm betting these issues she's angry about aren't new so if they are the justification for cheating, she probably acted out more than once. She has no respect for you, the marriage, or monogamy.

The great thing about kids is that they are more resilient than you think. It's not going to be easy having a selfish, promiscuous mother but having one stable, healthy home with you will make all of the difference. And if things really are terrible at her home, he will get the option to choose when he's old enough.

Unsure, you're doing the right thing. Expect more histrionics in the coming days and some last minute hail Marys. Keep your resolve! Her trying to blame you is ridiculous and so very disrespectful after you have offered her R twice in the past.

Whether the story about the random OM is true, it's pretty safe to say he probably wasn't the only one in the last 3 years. I'm betting these issues she's angry about aren't new so if they are the justification for cheating, she probably acted out more than once. She has no respect for you, the marriage, or monogamy.

The great thing about kids is that they are more resilient than you think. It's not going to be easy having a selfish, promiscuous mother but having one stable, healthy home with you will make all of the difference. And if things really are terrible at her home, he will get the option to choose when he's old enough.

Yeah, I definitely didn't appreciate the thinly-veiled blameshifting. We've had these issues before and they've never been addressed properly. WS has a hard time with honest, healthy communication.

Oh, I'm almost positive there's more. Every time I've caught her it's been the "only time". One thing I've learned about cheaters is that what you see and learn about is often only the tip of the iceberg. Usually more comes out during the separation and divorce.

My son is an amazing and quite perceptive little kid, and I have zero doubts he'll handle this with aplomb after a rough patch. I'm gonna be there for him. We'll make it, but it's gonna suck for a while...

I've been on three separate antibiotics now and I'm still showing symptoms of the lovely little souvenir that WS gave me.

Ugh. What kind of Cloverfield monster STI is this?!

The past few days have been okay. WS and I are on autopilot. She knows that I don't want to be around her, and we are kinda just going through the motions in front of my son.

My immediate family and a couple of friends know. Responses have ranged from "that's disgusting" to "well, I told you so". All are correct.

I have just been focusing on my son, lifting weights, jumping rope and getting my financial house in order. Not sure what else I should be doing at this point...

I'm with others who support your decision unsure. At some point you have to cut your losses and this is a good time to do that. Take care of yourself and your son. You deserve better and you'll find better once you're free.

She said that she did it because she was angry with me about a number of issues.

The sad part is, she'd have never told me had I not contracted an STI.

That doesn't make sense. If she did it because she was mad at you, then logic says she would rub it in your face to get back at you.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 6:54 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

Any talk right now is just a waste of your time. Start practicing the 180 no contact.

If it were me I carry around a can of Lysol

Said she slept with a co-worker while she was at a trade show. The co-worker is from a different state in a different division of the company.

Bullshit translator:

I'm gonna tell a big ole fibber. It's always worked before so why mess with success.

Has your wife been to the doctor to get treated for the souvenir STI she gave you?

That doesn't make sense. If she did it because she was mad at you, then logic says she would rub it in your face to get back at you.

It doesn't. At all. She's been mad at me for working too much for a long time, yet seems pretty okay with being the benefactor of my hard work.

If you want to be with a successful man, be prepared to put up with a busy man.

Any talk right now is just a waste of your time. Start practicing the 180 no contact

Working on it. Moved into the spare room and I'm talking to her only when I need to.

Bullshit translator:

I'm gonna tell a big ole fibber. It's always worked before so why mess with success

You're exactly right, Marz. This isn't the truth. That said I'm not concerned about the truth anymore - she's done what she's done, so I'm done.

Has your wife been to the doctor to get treated for the souvenir STI she gave you?

She has an appointment next week. I have a follow up with my doc next week for what I can assume will be a *fourth* round of antibiotics. Absolutely disgusting.

Did you tell WW you didn't believe her story?

I ask because he offered my XWW an opportunity to tell the truth. We had already made the decision to D and were in process. I though I deserved to know the truth and thought she might appreciate the opportunity to be honest and be freed from the lies. She never mentioned one or more guys I knew about. I told her I didn't believe her. I felt good standing up for myself.

You are standing up for yourself by your decisions and I am glad you are taking control of your life and moving out of infidelity. Keep taking steps to do this. Your focus should be limited to what you want and what you want for your son. What she wants or needs are irrelevant. Not your problem anymore.

Did you tell WW you didn't believe her story?

I did. She also prefaced her explanation with "i know you won't believe me, but..." which is just doublespeak for "I'm lying through my teeth"

Like i said I don't really care whom or what at this point. I don't need to know more than I do to know that this marriage is done.