SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm going to start off by saying that yep, you seasoned pros were right. She did it before and she's going to do it again. I should have listened. I didn't. By staying 3 more years I did this to myself.

I caught her, for what is now the fourth time. Randomly caught chlamydia after 11 years of monogamy. Isn't that nice.

If I stay longer I'll get all the STDs and a free coffee on a punch card.

I'm completely disgusted. I'm getting the results on paper tomorrow, filing for D, and throwing WS out.

No more games. No more lying. No more half measures. I have a son to protect.

It feels different this time. So far I've skipped the anger. I feel like a soldier ready to execute and do a fucking job.

I'm done. Time to fight back....

Have you seen an attorney?

Protect yourself and your son at all costs.

So sorry. You now have clarity and a path to new and better experiences.

Nothing like learning the hard way.

Never make someone a priority when you're only an option.

It's not uncommon for a hopium addiction to overrule the facts and common sense.

You aren't the first and won't be the last.

Learn and grow from it.

You're still young and your new found wisdom will make your future better if you use it.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:02 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

I too partook of the hopium... But I just tell myself that I had to come to my conclusion in my own way and my own time. Sorry as hell that you have had the STD thing. But I am glad for you that you are resolved to get out if it now!

Unsure,

It's a virtue to believe in people and try to fix them. It's on her that she flushed you down the toilet. Nobody blames you or feels an I told you so kind of victory.

It can be difficult for someone who's not a serial cheater to comprehend their mindset. The closest experience most of us have is with alcoholics.

Unsure, I am so sorry. At least coming out of this is you are now absolutely certain you are doing what Is right for you. No more doubt.

Just a clear path.

Sorry it all turned out this way. I always hope that R is going to work out.

Cut off all communication with her. Assume she's dead. No more talking, tears from her and false promises about how stupid she was ... blah, blah, blah. eff that.

Time to see the D attorney and get it over with.

With STD's now showing up in your blood, you know what you have to do before you get something completely incurable. She is a POG.

I'm so sorry.

Don't feel bad about only just now seeing the ugly truth for what it is. Many of the rest of us were in the same hope-infused place as you for just as long, if not longer.

I'm really glad you got to this point while you still have time to build a quality life for yourself and your children that infidelity is not a part of.

Keep your eye on the prize.... getting away from this cheater, and don’t let anything get in your way of achieving that prize!

Have you talked to an attorney yet?

So sorry,

Time to go surgical. Don’t move without a lawyer and a carefully executed plan. Make sure all bases are covered, financial, family planning, and your health. Document everything and care for yourself. Time to surgically remove her from your life with a plan to care for your child.

LHAP

I haven't talked to an attorney yet. I'm looking for one now who specializes in men's divorce.

My plan is to be (reasonably) fair to her. Half the assets, split custody and try to move forward as quickly as possible. I'm a good father and a good person. She has no reason or legal standing to ask for more.

I know she'll try to flip the narrative and avoid accountability. That's what WS does when pressed. Doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to extricate my son and I from her mess and move forward without her.

You gave her a lot of chances. Time to move on and

divorce WW without guilt.

FWIW, you may get to see your son more than you think.

In my experience, after a short while, my WS realized he was free, and being the selfish POS he is, stopped making our sons a priority. I got first right of refusal, and I got my kids every single time he backed out, plus every time he had to work an extra day at work, etc. He only got them 1 Christmas visitation, and 1x he got 2 weeks in the summer., That was it!! He travels everywhere with OW.

My kids are great and see 2 distinctly different types of homes. They are now 22&19, and love visiting home (both away at college).

Keep pushing. You got this.

My lawyer asked me if I wanted to come say, be fair. Or be hard. I said fair. Then she denied having an affair in court papers. I said bury her. Why be fair if they completely Fuck you over and over? I mean, what is the high road Any way? I am soòo done with bloody cheaters.

I'm going to extricate my son and I from her mess and move forward without her.

If you can carry through with leaving her behind, there's every chance 2 years from now you'll be very happy with this decision.

Staying with her is inviting more of the same. Leave her and her STDs in your past.

You tried your best. And now you will do your best to save yourself and your son.

Remember, she will behave no differently during the divorce....and actually she will probably behave worse. Be prepared, document everything and be wise. Play the long game to get the best result for your son.

I remember you! And I'm sorry you had to find out through an STD. I'm also not surprised because she was never really trying to R with you.

I think you're smart to get a lawyer who specializes in men's divorce. Find some local and easily accessible good lawyers as a fall back option too. You don't want to give yourself an excuse to stick around longer for more abuse because you can't find the "perfect" lawyer. But this time you do see determined to follow through.

Do you think that you will confront her? Is it even worth it?

I remember you! And I'm sorry you had to find out through an STD. I'm also not surprised because she was never really trying to R with you.

I think you're smart to get a lawyer who specializes in men's divorce. Find some local and easily accessible good lawyers as a fall back option too. You don't want to give yourself an excuse to stick around longer for more abuse because you can't find the "perfect" lawyer. But this time you do see determined to follow through.

Do you think that you will confront her? Is it even worth it?

Hey! I remember you, too! And yeah, you're right. We never really R'ed. We rugswept and I was the one left with dealing with the anger since it happened.

Honestly, I'm not even going to bother with a heavy-duty confrontation - the evidence is damning enough and there's no lying her way out of it. She's not worth a second more of my headspace than she's legally entitled to (and to me, that's limited to divorce logistics and the health of my son).

I'm getting the test results in writing today and meeting with a couple of lawyers to determine strategy. Ideally, I'll show her the test results, the papers and then the door.

The thing that makes me saddest about this is that my son - my amazing, sweet and precocious little guy - is going to be dealing with the consequences of her affairs for a long time. He didn't ask for any of this.... but I'm going to do everything I can to protect him and to give him a safe, loving, stable home.