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Yeah the wolf story was spot on. Very simple but powerful. That can be added to my list of inspirational quotes that i have printed off to put up around the house. I do need to remember how far I have come. I now don’t have a husband in my house everyday pretending that he wants to be there, going through the motions. I don’t now sleep next to him anymore or spend every evening and weekend together doing fun things and spending time as a family.

It’s says a lot about someone who can give all this up for OW or for whatever pathetic reason he wants to give me. Cheater, fighting his demons. Give him a switch and he will flick it if it meant he could be everything for me. That speaks weakness and someone not taking responsibility for their own actions. It’s beyond him to R or even try to sort his shit out without the confusion of his OW.

NB I get that you’re totally wrapped up in the APs influence on him and her clearly manipulative nature but EVERY choice he has made has been him being ‘happy’ to be manipulated. He’s a highly manipulative man himself, so I’m sure he recognises it for what it is but her manipulation suits him atm. It won’t in time and I’m sure he’ll play the victim caught up but right now it suits him.

You can’t cry, beg, plead or love someone back to you. They won’t have an epiphany with a BS behaving like that. All he’ll do is get ego kibbles from it and carry on his cake eating. Implying to you he’s not happy with his decision, keeping you hooked, while being with his AP. Don’t give him anything. NC grey rock.

I get that you’re in shock lovely but please please at the centre of your thinking should be that this is NOT the first time he’s done this. This ISN’T a man in a limerant affair struggling with his demons, this is a man who has casually put your sexual, mental, emotional and physically health at risk, three times THAT HE’S ADMITTING TOO. He is a serial cheat.

His tears, texts, tantrums and crying on your friends means nothing.

Send a clear message to your friends that you do not want to hear about the man who walked out on your three year old child and yourself. They’re playing a silly game right now running between you both, playing right into his manipulative hands.

Then carry on NC and grey rock! You really have got this sweetie. Show in your actions that you’re not to be messed with.

Carry on with your plans. Carry on moving on.

This is definitely the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. The thought of sorting our house and finances knowing that I will have to have some sort of contact with him is a living nightmare. If it was all sorted then I could try and move on and wouldn’t have the temptation to contact him. I will start my NC again from now. I’m aware that we aren’t perfect and that we have backwards steps. I’ve done longer this time than I did before, which is a positive step. And next time I will do longer again. It’s a shame there isn’t places out there that you can retreat to whilst this devastation has been caused.

As I’ve said I desperately wanted to run away. I know so well what you’re going through. I promise time is a healer. It’s a cliched phrase but it’s so true. The shock dissipates and your ability to think ‘rationally’ (for want of a better word), increases.

You’re keeping that little girls world together every day under such painful circumstances! Be proud of yourself.

Hi NB24, I don’t post much these days, but do drop by from time to time. I’ve pretty much scan-read the posts here and you have been given some excellent advice and support. This is an amazing site you have landed on.

Now, there are just a few things I would like to add. See a solicitor. Do it. It doesn’t matter whether or not you go ahead with a divorce; knowledge is a powerful thing and you will feel a sense of empowerment once you know where you stand. You will also be one step ahead in the game if you do start proceedings. You could start with the Citizens Advice Bureau – they may have a list of family solicitors. You could find one on recommendation. Most will give you 30 or 60 mins for free, so make sure you take along all financials. Everything. Including pension stuff. And a notebook and pen. You will forget some stuff that is said to you, so be prepared to write it down. Don't be embarrassed - just say "I need to note that"

Secondly, build a cash nest. I mean cash-cash. Keep it somewhere safe or with your parents/close friend. Or ask them to open an account in their name and keep the money there for you. Obviously this has to be someone you trust implicitly. Money will run through your fingers like sand, so start keeping close tabs on everything from now on. Start a spreadsheet.

Lastly, keep a diary. What you have written here is a good place to start. Document absolutely everything. Arguments, statements made, proof of the affair, photographs, screenshots – anything. You think at the time “I’ll never bloody forget this!!”, but you will. So write it ALL down.

Okay. That’s about it for now. Take care of yourself and your DD. Hold your friends and family close. Keep MIL at arms length. It’s a shame, but as you have said, it’s HER son. Disengage from his family. Hugs to you.

UKg xx

Yeah I do forget to give myself credit for things. We’re too tough on ourselves at times. I’m still at work, still meeting friends and trying to enjoy some aspects of my life. I’ve got 2 holidays booked and my little girl will have an amazing birthday in a couple of weeks with lots of family and friends around her. My friend sent me this today: NB, where you stand is on your own two feet, tall and strong with DD at the side of you looking up to her beautiful, brave mummy 🌹❤

You’ve previously mentioned about being true to yourself, now you need to really put that into action because the NB we know & love is a strong, independent woman who has a lot of pride and deserves the best! Not this, and certainly not a philandering excuse of a man.

It now needs to be about you taking back control of your life, and concentrating on what’s going to be best for YOU, more so than for DD because you can’t be the best for DD until you’re back on your feet and moving on. It’s going to be a rocky road ahead but the end result will be worth it and you will be better off without him. Xxxxxx

I’m still at work, still meeting friends and trying to enjoy some aspects of my life. I’ve got 2 holidays booked and my little girl will have an amazing birthday in a couple of weeks with lots of family and friends around her.

Come back to this whenever you're feeling wobbly. You're killin' it. Really. I know it probably doesn't feel like it, but you're miles ahead of where most people are in this process. :)

Oh I don’t feel it ChamomileTea but nice to hear it from an expert. I say that because we are all that on here, expert in feeling shit at someone else’s expense. The good times are great but make the bad times even harder.

I saw him yesterday to collect my DD and he looked like death warmed up. Very nice to see. Hopefully all is not well in his new Rose garden. And he is feeling a tiny bit of what I am feeling. He’s upset that we aren’t spending DD birthday together. And he won’t be invited to her party. He can arrange his own party for her. He’s not going to be welcome to my family party, until he starts to make amends and build the bridges he has burnt within an instant.

I think you are doing great.

I suggest you just move on with with D proceedings. You will feel so much better.

Also, him telling friends how bad he feels for the pain he has caused. I think it's just about painting himself the good guy to friends.

And paving the way in case D becomes hard, that he always wanted to do the right thing, continue as friends but you are the one being "bad".

Also, moving with D while he is still fogged up and "manipulated" by OW might benefit you in terms of you having more or full/ custody time with your DD.

I know in "normal" circumstances nowadays 50/50 is common. But you should try and get full so your daughter wont be exposed more than necessary to this OW, who doesn't even like children, and future GF's he will have.

Yeah D defo the option here. Im keen to move on and make the steps needed to be rid of him. I’ve been overwhelmed by the support that all my friends have provided. I’ve got more people around me now than I ever have. They see the hurt and injustice he has caused me and DD. The Ribble affect that it has had on them is also massive. He things hat don’t kill you definitely make you stronger. I have moments were I think, god I could do anything. Go anywhere and explore with my DD. Nothing is holding me back anymore. I will be so happy in time with all the qualities I have as a person to allow me to flourish again in this scary world.

You are doing great (all things considered), NB...many hugs to you! You're going to be okay; you have to heal...this takes time (the dreaded, but necessary, four-letter word).

May I suggest a great thread in which you could post in the Divorce/Separation forum? It's called, "Stay No Contact - Post It Here 2" - you can vent away at your WH without having to contact him. Let it all out there.

Hang in there, sweetie; keep posting (you are very interactive with us, which is awesome)...we're here for you...

Hugs,

Lala

Oh I will defo look at that thread. That’s defo what I need at times. Nice reminders to stay NC to enable me to heal. I do feel comfortable posting on here and find talking my best therapy in times of difficulty.

Today’s a good day, enjoying it while it lasts. I know that sounds negative but I’m aware of the ride I’m on.

Newbeginnings24, Please read my post. Make it a priority to see a solicitor asap. It doesn't matter if you are going to D or not - but way more important if D is your plan. Get ahead of the game. Believe me, when you start proceedings, you will see a very different man and things will take a turn when the financials and property are at stake and when you will definitely need your bitch boots on.

Please NB, make that appointment. And do NOT tell him - or anyone who might pass on that information.

Wow! I checked out of SI for a bit and returned this week and it’s fantastic to read your thread and see how strong you are! You are such an inspiration to me! I wish I had your strength and dignity. It seems like you could do anything! Well done you!!!

Oh I don’t feel it Masa. Your strength is there and swiped away a second later by the continued fuck wit that is now my WS! I am delusional at times to think he’s in a fog. He collects our DD and is so troubled to look at and I think he must be feeling this. But maybe his troubles are with OW and he doesn’t care about me and DD anymore. It’s one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. ‘Knowing’ someone for more than half of your life and them cause massive devastation within minutes. OMG I can’t believe what I now know and experience. It’s beyond my comprehension!

I am living everyday for Karma which is wrong but gets me through.

I can completely understand. Just found out the OW is pregnant and got pregnant whilst he was playing happy families with me. She now knows he’s abusive, a liar and cheat but still wants to be with him and have their own family. I am just waiting for the day for karma to come and destroy their lives. I felt so horrible the other day because the NHS rang me and left a voicemail and I was hoping it was because he got in an accident and died! It wasn’t, it was talking therapies. But that person who I’ve turned in to isn’t me, it’s the hurt he’s caused has made me in to this bitter person that wishes people dead?!

But I am so pleased to see that you have booked holidays, meeting friends and moving forward. How is your daughter with the situation? Is she happy to go with her dad? How old is she?

Yeah she loves to see him. She will be 3 in a couple of weeks. Her sleep has been disturbed and she has started to ask questions. Is daddy coming on holiday with us? Is dad coming to my birthday party? He’s actually asked if we are having a birthday party for her. My question ‘well not really, because who would we invite?’ I’m not just having your family around and my family and our/my friends won’t want to see you. WTF? He’s living a double life! He thinks getting rid of me, splitting all finances, getting his own place and OW will bring him happiness. God is he going to be shocked. He’s firing blanks so won’t be making anyone pregnant anytime soon, which is one bonus in all of this bullshit!

I was having such a good day to before he ended that yet again. I wish i wasn’t so bitter at times. It’s no good for anyone.

They are absolutely delusional, my WH thought we would all be going on holiday together, having parties, he even said he felt like he deserves to stay in my new house when he comes to visit the children. I’ve said no and made strict boundaries and that’s killing him. I’m Glad you have firm boundaries too.

I am so glad that your daughter is happy to see her dad, my 4 year old is struggling, she suffering with separation anxiety from me big time, I think it’s still important they see their dad though even if he is a shit dad and breaks his promises all the time and just pumps them full of lies. He is a crap dad but he still has rights to see them.

Well the pregnancy shocked me coz we had to go through fertility treatment for both our children and he didn’t have healthy swimmers and took over a year to

Conceive with both of our children. He is now 6 years older, started smoking heavily and 4 stone heavier and got her pregnant straight away?

The whole process is a complete mind fuck. I question those who cake eat. It doesn’t make sense to me. If you have a clear mind and your decision is made 100% why would you want to cake eat. Boundaries and NC is the way forward. Actions speak volumes it’s just so bloody difficult to adhere to at times when you have rage pumping through your body. His mum thinks its a bid for freedom and he will see the light. What does that say about me?! That I’m worthy of this shit? I see this more and more each day. I need to move on to get a better future, I just wish I could blow it all up as fast as he did.

However, this then puts him in the hero bracket to the people who surround him. When actually he’s just as evil and cruel as the next cheater. But maybe more planned and deceitful. I have wondered time and time again that he has approached her and she has refused to be second best and the OW so he has had to choose.

Oh ffs, this so speaks to me. I’m in a very similar situation, except you’re a little ahead of me. Right now, he’s staying in the spare bedroom and eating cake after giving me the speech that he loves me but is not in love with me and wants to move on before he gets too old or before he hurts me with another affair,

Oh, what a gem you are, trying to spare my feelings. And I’m sure his friends and family will think he’s so great, leaving me cause I was such a terrible wife. That might be what pisses me off the most!

I admire your strength. This thread is helping me a lot!