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I don't think it is blackmail if you tell her you have evidence of the affair. If there is no trial, there is reason anyone needs to see it. However, if you are forced to go to trial, you will be providing evidence of the A to substantiate your claims of infidelity.

the action, treated as a criminal offense, of demanding payment or another benefit from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them.

Kinda sounds like blackmail.

Kinda sounds like blackmail

I think if you do make the threat of exposing the evidence yourself, it probably could be construed as blackmail. However, I bet if you let your lawyer bring it up in without prejudice discussions with her lawyers it'll be treated as part of the negotiations because the threat is implied. Her lawyer will understand and he will explain it to your wife.

I think hans has it right because you are not the first or last person to get a better settlement legally out of someone you have dirt on who also doesn't want to pay you a dime. There's probably a correct way to handle this and your lawyer can advise you on it.

In a no fault divorce state, does the infidelity matter?

I believe that is where this is divorce is taking place. Just asking since I don’t know the D laws.

I’m certain his lawyer knows what to do here.

If she used martial funds to pay for her "fun", are you not entitled to half of that money back? Deduct it from her new numbers of support and whatnot.

As a possible compromise though, why not let her have the equity in the home in exchange for not touching the 401k?

Westway,

I am meeting her Monday.

Hope you had a productive meeting.

Spoke with my attorney. She has no problem telling WW's attorney that we have a very detailed dossier of all her clandestine activities for the past 4 years which will prove that she used our common funds for her whoring. She is going to send him a letter today to that affect. So we will see what happens when WW finds out about the binder.

In a no fault divorce state, does the infidelity matter?

I believe that is where this is divorce is taking place. Just asking since I don’t know the D laws.

I’m certain his lawyer knows what to do here.

No, this is not a fault state. But I can see my lawyer getting nasty in the custody portion of the D and using the info from the PI to show that my WW neglected our minor daughters during those times when she was out throwing her legs up for her thugs.

[This message edited by Westway at 1:30 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

Westway, just wanted to pop in and tell you that you are handling all of this like a total badass. Proud of you!

I'm with you - New Year's can't come quick enough because 2019 can eat dicks. I am so ready to turn the page.

ElleKMAS

Westway, just wanted to pop in and tell you that you are handling all of this like a total badass. Proud of you!

I'm with you - New Year's can't come quick enough because 2019 can eat dicks. I am so ready to turn the page.

Thank you Elle. Yes I want this year to be done and over and in my rear view, and I want to be in my new townhouse yesterday.

One thing about working out every day is that it boosts my testosterone. I'm horny as a herd of goats.

Would it be wrong of me to date women on the side once I move out, since I have already filed and divorce is certain? I guess I need to ask my priest huh?

Because I'm sure once I move out the WW will start catting around. It is inevitable. She claims she isn't going to, but her word means nothing to me.

Not sure you are ready to date. You don't need a rebound just more pain, etc.

You might want to take a little time to adjust

Date when you want to date once you have filed for separation but be honest with whoever you go out with. I'd make sure they knew you were separated, you don't have to give them the details, and that you are heading to divorce. Most adult woman will understand that this means you are not likely going to be a serious BF for anyone any time soon. You owe them that honesty.

I would think that your lawyer would have something to say about you dating. It may be an idea to ask her first.

She may try to use it against you - you are not divorced yet even though we all know the marriage is over.

Be careful

Spoke with my attorney. She has no problem telling WW's attorney that we have a very detailed dossier of all her clandestine activities for the past 4 years which will prove that she used our common funds for her whoring. She is going to send him a letter today to that affect. So we will see what happens when WW finds out about the binder.

Looks like your lawyer is a smart one, and you are in good hands.

The exposure will decimate your WW, and she will probably ask for the folder to be handed over to her if she agrees to all your demands for the D.

Up to you what you want to do with that folder after all the dust has settled, but it might be a good insurance policy for the long term.

[This message edited by RocketRaccoon at 8:46 PM, December 12th (Thursday)]

Take care and don’t put on any cement shoes.

My lawyer put the ix-nay on any fraternizing by me before the D is final. So it looks like I'll be celebate for the next year.

Glad to see you have a great attorney. Many don't