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DestroyedWife80 (original poster member #66005) posted at 6:55 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
I feel like such a fool, an idiot! I don't understand how I can KEEP finding stuff & not just leave.
One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real.
Married 4/2018
D-Day #1- 8/2018
D-Day #2- 1/2019
DD#3 October 2019
Me: 38 BW, I am broken
Him: 47 WH, sex addict/sexting/escorts: lie & deny everything! Gasl
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:51 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Do you have a support team?
Friends and family, trusted clergy or minister (if you are into religion) a day good counselor for you are the needs right now.
Do you have a plan in place for when you leave?
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:02 AM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
DW,
Leaving is difficult. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I haven’t called it. You are not alone...
Some of my reasons are...
- fear of being alone
- what if he becomes a good husband, and I let him go
- everything will change, I don’t seem to be ready yet
- what if could work.
These are all things I can get through if I felt whole, I am slowly coming back after being gutted to the core. Clarity comes in time.
When I am ready, he will be the second to know.
[This message edited by Tallgirl at 5:03 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
Emotionalhell ( member #39902) posted at 12:10 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You are not alone. I have ask myself the same question.
I am in IC working on myself so I can become stronger. I want to be totally at ease with whatever decision I make.
There are couples that stay together just bc....
It’s convenient
They can’t afford a divorce
Family expectations
Stage of life
Illness
Don’t pressure yourself. You have a right to take as much time as you want. He was the one not true.... forget what he wants.
Me BS x2. 50ish Divorced WH #1. IHS with wayward #2 Dday #1 Oct. 2014Dday # 2 August 2018. Dday #3 December 17th.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 12:10 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You've been married less than two years.
Your happiness should not depend on him.
Find a good support system and seek therapy.
Is this the way you want to live the next year, two years, five years?
You deserve better, there is happiness out there without this toxicity in your life.
Once you make the decision to get out, I think you will feel a great sense of relief.
Buzzy ( member #72001) posted at 12:18 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Under two years! it probably wont get any better. Dont live your life worrying every time he is late home or texting on his phone. Who you think he is, is an illusion. Leave you deserve much better.
Also known as Discord, a dramatic troll.
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 12:27 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You leave by taking one step at a time. Get an IC and then see a lawyer even if it's just to get the information for when you are ready.
secondtime ( member #58162) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Hugs.
You'll leave when you are ready.
It always takes me a while to process. I actually don't start processing until at least a year after DDay.
In the meantime...I think doing the 180 and focusing on yourself would be a good strategy.
DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:18 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You aren't a fool or an idiot, and I believe that you will leave. I don't believe that you'll condemn yourself to a marriage with him long-term. I believe that you are inching closer and closer to the point of leaving and you asking yourself this question is another step.
I was only married for a short time too when I found out that my XWH was having sex with prostitutes. It took me some time to get out of the pure shock of it and actually see him for who he is. It is a devastating shock to do so and your brain will fight you on it. Once you accept that he is who he is, you will likely be done with this marriage and start to choose yourself.
This kind of trauma is HARD to come to terms with and it is a rare person who does so gracefully.
DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).
Evermore ( member #72002) posted at 4:28 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Do what helps you heal that day, if it is keeping the WS in your life, that is ok. You are not a fool for not being quick to decide. Everyone needs to go at their own pace.
Staying gave me a sense of control in a situation where I felt my control was lost.
bella444 ( member #68825) posted at 5:40 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
DestroyedWife80 - I feel your pain. 
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:51 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You leave by taking one step at a time. Get an IC and then see a lawyer even if it's just to get the information for when you are ready.
^^^This it takes time and takes when you are ready. Keep detaching and watching actions. Definitely form a support system and start going to an IC.
I feel like I was a very slow learner. I guess I had to go through it all to get to done, but you will know when you get there. I lived in limboland for years it was hell on earth.
What done felt like to me was wanting out of the marriage more than wanting to be in it. Also that I needed to save myself or nobody would.
Hugs!
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
OptionedOut ( member #69105) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
You've only been married two years?
Like others have said, It's not likely to get any better. And is being with someone who you will never fully trust for the next 40-60 years okay with you?
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