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ClaireDF (original poster new member #64401) posted at 10:03 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
Just a query, wondering if anyone has had to deal with this and how they did? Have been separated for 17 months from my STBX. We were married 24 years when I found out he had been having an on and off affair for 6 years. During which time I had breast cancer and daughter diagnosed with serious mental health issues. Early this year I ended up in psych hospital from the trauma of it all. We have been going through financial mediation for last 4months, think we are finally at an agreement but it has been really torrid. I have moved out of the family home in September as it is on the family farm and my head was wrecked from never knowing when he would arrive. Finally have my safe place and am settling in and am much happier. Out of the blue today he messaged me asking for addresses as he wants to send Xmas Cards! I asked him specifically whose addresses he wanted and he names 4 mutual friends (fair enough) then my brother (who doesn’t want to have anything to do with him) and brother’s new wife (who STBX has not even met.) Then an aunt of mine that we stayed with in US 5 years ago. And to cap it off my elderly aunt and uncle who don’t even know that we are separated!!! I just HATE that he asks me stuff like this. 
annoyed also that he plans sending these people cards as if he has done nothing wrong. I didn’t send cards last year and am not sure if I even will this year as I don’t know even where to begin to tell some people.
Not sure how to deal with his request. Should I just tell him to message the people himself for their addresses??? Any advice much appreciated. Thanks.
allusions ( member #25376) posted at 10:08 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
"Sorry, I don't have any of their addresses." Or as a lot of people suggest on here, limit contact with him to essential stuff like finances and the like. You are divorcing. You are not his pal.
You can apologize over and over, but if your actions don't change, your words become meaningless.
Behind every crazy bitch is a sweet girl who just got tired of being lied to.
I've found the key to happiness: Stay away from assholes.
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 10:14 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
Crickets. You are under no obligation to give him any of that.
Seriously, just ignore it.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
landclark ( member #70659) posted at 10:59 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
You could share the mutual friends and say you won’t be sharing your family addresses. Honestly though, it’s not that hard to find addresses on the internet, and if they are really friends he could reach out to them himself.
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
Snapdragon ( member #4286) posted at 11:43 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
I am not your secretary. You fired me from that job. Look them up yourself.
'nuff said
Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
Doesitstop11 ( member #49432) posted at 11:56 PM on Thursday, November 21st, 2019
Give him the wrong addresses. If he doesn't the their addresses, he won't know the dif.
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 1:09 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
This is plain nutty. Seriously. It takes such a little time to find people on the net but he would rather make you do it. Selfish, entitled jerk! Give him crickets.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:18 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
So freaking helpless he comes to you for something he could Google himself.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Thanksgiving2016 ( member #63462) posted at 3:13 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
If they were his friends he could contact them himself for addresses. Do not respond. Advise your friends and family that you and your contact information are not his business. Do not respond.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 3:50 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Crickets. No response at all.
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:42 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
ClaireDF (original poster new member #64401) posted at 8:12 AM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometimes you just need clarity from others. That was what I was thinking. This is what I replied:
“This request has been bothering me. I am going to set a boundary here. I am not your secretary any longer. You should just contact the people you want addresses for by FB message or however you are in contact with them and ask for their addresses. Simple as.”
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:48 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
People in hell want ice water, too.
He fired you from that job. Therefore, you are under no obligation to undertake it.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
MamaDragon ( member #63791) posted at 2:48 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Text him back that you are no longer his wife and therefore no longer have any desire to help him resolve his issues.
Or just crickets.
Crickets drives everyone nutty, even when they are metaphorical.
BS - 40 something at A time, over 50 now
WS - him, younger than me
Reconciled
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:04 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
"No" is a complete sentence.
((((Claire)))))
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
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