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Once you have gotten all your ducks in a row - IE your proof - while he is at work, take all the bottles and line them up on the counter so they are the first things he sees when he walks in the kitchen.

Stand there and ask him if he has anything he'd like to confess, that if he does tell you everything right there you will consider staying - but if he lies, trickle truths etc then you will see him in court. (see a lawyer prior to this too so you know exactly what your options are - so when you tell him about the divorce you are right) and put your divorce papers on the table after you say this (you can stop the divorce at any point)

When or if he lies, bring forth the proof that shows he lied...and let him squirm.

laying it out logically and without emotion shows him that you are serious.

If he doesn't want to, hand him his suitcases and tell him he needs to leave. Then inform your kids what is going. Don't lie to them or try to keep them from finding out, kids always finds out the truth.

^^^This^^^

But only if you want to acutally move forward and try to Reconcile. If not, I would also have a bag packed for him.

You are doing a great job in preparing and ensuring that you are staying the priority.

I find it interesting that he gets new Rx's prior to his trips, wonder why that is if has pills on hand. I mean you and I both know meds still work long after their expiration dates.

I would encourage you to refrain from any further intercourse with him though, no need to pick up an STD along the way because of his bad behavior. Regardless of if stays or leaves, I would make proof of STD testing and results a requirement.

Hang in there. You are one strong smart lady.

A brief update. With help from a highly trusted friend, who is paying the retainer as a loan to me, I have hired one of the attorneys I consulted last month. Today, I hired the PI my attorney recommended to work this weekend while I am out of town. Not cheap, so I actually hope H does something 🙁.

Shocked123, my PI also said he would hire me. LOL.

Hopefully you get the proof you need to move ahead with your life. Please try to use this weekend away to do some serious self care.

Your PI might be able to help you in other ways when it comes to looking at devices he's used, restoring deleted data, and looking for hidden accounts. If he doesn't do anything this weekend, and it's hard to imagine he won't with you out of town, your PI might be able to do something else for you.

I hope you get the answers you need. I am sorry you are in this position. Thinking of you.

It seems odd to me that a Dr would keep multiple bottles of viagra in the bathroom that you both use if he's using these for an affair or hookups. That is so risky. I know you said you're small and not able to see top shelf but he knows you clean and just you being that close to evidence that would ruin his world seems strange. I hope your PI gets you some answers but I wouldn't be surprised if he's using these with you without you knowing or if it's for masturbation or a health issue.

If there are any placebos that look like the V pills, maybe replace them and see how much "fun" he has.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 2:29 PM, December 13th (Friday)]

I like the way you think bpguy.

LOL bpguy.

Demos, it IS odd that he keeps them around, but he does have some hoarding tendencies. And, his medicine cabinet/ sink area is totally separate from mine. It was an absolute fluke that I decided to dust the inside of the cabinet.... And there is NO WAY he was using them until recently with me, since we had a long sexless period.

Thinking of you. Any updates from the PI?

How are you?

Hoping that you didn't get any terrible news after your weekend away. Did you hear back from your PI?

Seems very strange to me. My guess is that if he is having sex with someone its a sex worker if you have been totally unable to find any communication.

People in affairs communicate. And regardless of if hes a hoarder or not, leaving them in plain sight is also strange.

Hope you get your answers from the PI.

Thank you for checking up on me. I didn’t find out anything from the PI, and I probably wouldn’t have hired him for the weekend if I had known H was working on a big presentation for this coming Friday. And no pills were missing, either.

I asked the PI about searching computer, and he really can’t do that legally. Since H uses only DuckDuckGo for searches and any other stuff on the home computer, I can’t search history....

So, after spending a boatload of money, I’ve decided to sort of take a break from this, except I do have a gps on his car I can watch, and I’ll keep checking if he uses the pills. We should have lots of fun with family and friends the next 2-3 weeks.

I have seen my IC again, and she still thinks something is up, too, but agrees to just take a break for my own mental health.

Time is your friend...he doesn't know you know about the pills - so sit and watch.

Observe his actions to you - your family, watch for suspicious behavior when he is off - phone usage etc.

You can pull your financials too - sometimes that gives you clues.

I don't find it at all unusual that the pills were in his medicine cabinet.

Wayward wives buy lingerie that their husbands never see on them, and keep it on their dresser. Same goes for sex toys.

People conduct much of their affairs on their phones, even with their BS knowing the password.

Cheaters get lazy. And cocky.

We had very nice holiday time with family. We couldn’t get everyone together at the same time, but still managed to see everyone before New Year’s. H and I took a one-week trip out of state to visit friends and family. Had so much fun. It’s relaxing to be away from home, because I know he’s not up to anything, LOL.

But since we’ve gotten back, I’m really dealing with anxiety. I do have meds I can take, so that helps. Also seeing my IC every two weeks.

I’m going to hire a PI in the city where my H will be for a conference at the end of Feb. I got the recommendation from the PI in my city. I hate to part with even more money, but it’s my last chance to see if he’s doing something with other people before I confront in March. My IC will be helping me make a plan for confrontation.

I really would like to just go all Sleeping Beauty for the next month....

The PI is a good idea while he is at the conference. What is the PI's plan? Is it a daily rate to follow him all the time?

While you build a confrontation plan with your IC it may be a good idea to discuss it here as well. There are a lot of good minds to help you formulate a strategy.

Remember you don't need to show him any evidence you have or how you got it. That was a tough one for me because I was so proud of myself that I knew or found out about this and that.

I appreciate all your support.

I’m so glad I’ve been patient. I have looked through his email account, which has YEARS of unread messages. I am highly suspicious that he has had (might still be having) an affair with a former coworker of his who also happens to be a friend of mine. She’s single, never married, no kids. If itvv b turns out that’s the case, I’ll give more details later.

I’ve decided I’ll confront this coming Wednesday. (I’m keeping 2 toddler grandchildren until then.). I will only confront re: the pills. I plan to ask what made him decide to get them, then I have questions for him like where he was when hevv VH took them, where was I at the time, who was with him when he got the desired effect. If the coworker’s name comes up, well, there we have it. I actually think he’ll refuse to talk.

Whatever he’s been up to, it’s been 4.5 years without my knowledge, so I can’t imagine staying with someone who holds me in such low regard.

I hope to get a meeting with my lawyer Thursday or Friday next week to plan to prepare petition to divorce. I’m working on a list of what I want for temporary orders and for final settlement, if it comes to that.