SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

From what we know about him, he wasn’t always a good husband, but he was a great father. Something most of us can relate to.

Wow. Just wow.

I read through this thread and can't believe some of the responses. Unless you knew him and his wife and family PERSONALLY, no one knows what they went through together.

Jesus people! The man was tragically killed along with his 13 yr old daughter and now his widow is left raising three other girls and one is only 7 months old! She will never know her Daddy.

Give this family a break. I beg you! Stop the judgement and try and feel sympathy for the family. Everyone is wanting to stone him to death and he's already dead!

I say this and I was never a Laker's fan!

We see all the time on SI that waywards can and do reform themselves and unless you were also in that hotel room that night YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE EITHER!

Rant over.

Thank you HHADL.

Being a wayward is not the same thing as being a rapist. Those are two very different things to forgive.

His wife's grief matters. So do his daughters' grief. So do his extended family's, his friends', his fans'. That his wife forgave him matters. That they built beyond his betrayal of her matters. That he loved his daughters matters. That he gave many people aspirations matters.

And his victim's trauma matters too, and today she might well be reliving it. We don't know if she has PTSD or not, but it's not uncommon. Even if his family forgave him, she might not have. We don't know that, and it isn't our place to say it either. The crime was committed on HER.

We can acknowledge everyone's pain. We still don't really have a way of talking about these things, do we? These complicated realities. I've seen it here, where a wayward or an other person passes on, and the varieties of reactions people have, especially the people who were most involved.

And when a person dies who was a role model but also raped someone? He was human. Not a monster, not a saint.

Let's be gentle to each other. We all process this differently. No one's pain is more valid or less valid here.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 11:25 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Please. Only on this site have I seen ANYTHING written about his serial cheating,and the rape accusations,since his death. Unless his wife is here, I highly doubt she will read any of this. The world is too busy mourning a sports legend, to remember things that happened years ago. This is Surviving Infidelity. This is the appropriate place to discuss such things.

Im not going to comment on the rape accusations. My opinion is irrelevant.

I am wondering when the serial cheating occurred. Was it before,or after he had multiple side pieces? I am very strongly opposed to calling a serial cheater a great father. A great father doesn't risk the health of their spouse. They don't devastate the mother of their children. They don't take time from the kids, to spend with sluts. Etc,etc. If he did his cheating after there were children, then he as a lousy father during that time. That does not mean he couldn't have found true remorse, and have grown into a great father. And, it sounds as if that is what happened. But it's ok to acknowledge, that, for a time, he was a shitty dad. If, again, the cheating occurred after kids.

I think what happend was a tragedy. For EVERYONE on that helicopter. For EVERYONE who lost a family member that day. There were 2 mothers, and two fathers, on that helicopter with their kids. Everyone is so focused on Kobe, that the other people are being ignored. I can not imagine the terror those parents felt, knowing they were going to crash, and their children were about to die, and there was nothing they could do. No matter what he has been accused of, no parent deserves that. NO MATTER WHAT.

Every sport has its “groupies”. Even rodeos. They are called “ “buckle bunnies” if you can believe it. These young men are fawned over and spoiled because of their athletic abilities and then thrust at 19 or 20 into the spotlight with millions of dollars at the ready. They have no clue what their lives are going to become but it’s always more than they ever thought. If you read enough about them it’s a wonder any of them stay married. Many of them have no good role models except their coaches. Their coaches just want them to bring in money and it doesn’t matter how they do it. I think Kobe finally grew up. It looks like he was crazy about his kids. The people I feel the sorriest for are the ones left behind because it’s my understanding that that wreck happened very quickly. There wasn’t time to be afraid.

My heroes usually wear uniforms and get paid pittance for what they do.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 12:44 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

My heroes usually wear uniforms and get paid pittance for what they do.

I think this is what bothers me the most. My hero's are the people under the headset that took the initial emergency calls, the responders who put their lives on the line for others every day.

This is a tragedy for all the families involved. Just because someone is a sports star, does not make them heroes.

When this was on the news yesterday, being from Colorado next door to Eagle, my husband and I both were reminded of the accusations and subsequent acquittal. He is being hailed as a hero. On a radio news cast I heard him being compared to Princess Dianna. Really people? She actually made a difference in people's lives. Not a sports star, who probably would not have called himself a hero.

In my mind he is just another rich kid who,got away with bad behavior and spent our tax dollars to do it.

I hope all the families and friends can find some comfort in their grief.

It is too bad our media makes such a spectacle of famous people's lives. If the crash had only included the people who died in the crash with him, this would have been a 60 second story.

My hero's are the people under the headset that took the initial emergency calls, the responders who put their lives on the line for others every day.

This is a tragedy for all the families involved. Just because someone is a sports star, does not make them heroes.

I think you captured it well. Honestly, I don't consider the first responders "heros" either. They choose a dangerous line of work, yes, I'm grateful to them for doing it, no doubt about it. But plenty of them are display horrible behavior too, I'm sure, because of their nature as humans. I'm sure plenty a first responder goes from the scene of an accident to a bar to drink too much and then into the arms of any willing woman. There's plenty of terrible behavior in their ranks too to go around.

There are very, very few "heros" in my world. There are people with amazing skills (sports, intelligence, etc), people with amazing resolve, people with amazing wealth, people with amazing fame.. And whatever they have, skill, resolve, etc, that's something to be idolized. He was incredibly skilled, there's no question, and from my understanding, he also had a very enviable work ethic. Those things are something to idolize, and to aspire to. But NOT the person, because the person, no matter how intelligent, how driven, is often deeply flawed. Don't idolize who they are, idolize the characteristics they display that you find important. People, all the time, do this tranferrence, "Oh, he's a very skilled player, he must be a great guy". We want it to be true, and, in a lot of ways, we let the image in our head become that of someone who has an impossible number of positive qualities. Perhaps that person exists, IDK, but he/she is wildly rare. Being good at sports, respectful on the field, or a "class act" in interviews means NOTHING about the actual person. If that's not abundantly clear from Tiger Woods, and that scandal blowing up, I'm not sure what could possible clarify it for most. But Tiger wasn't a "bad apple", he was just an "apple" in a cart that, for some reason, people said was the "good apples". Well, no, being great at golf doesn't make you a good person, in fact, if anything, it almost certainly reduces the likelihood your a good person if you're measuring "good" with "not cheating on your wife". Now, if you measure "good person" as "rich", "famous" and "great at sports"; sure, Kobe, Tiger, great people. But that's not my measuring stick for "good person".

Being skilled at something, especially uniquely skilled, does NOT mean those skills somehow grant you amazing talents in other areas of your life. If anything, those other areas suffer badly because they are ignored to hone your skill. I know wildly skilled people in my chosen profession, skill levels that are "world class". There's no knocking their ability to preform in the workplace, but, let me be the first to tell you, the higher their level of workplace performance, the less likely it is you want to be married to them. Great with numbers, no question, but "good people"? Not to the vast majority of us on this board, you would run the other way if you saw their married behavior on display.

And, just so you know, I put myself into that same grouping, I'm a terrible person measured on the whole. Might I be an inspiration to others about how I handled my W's A and my recovery. I suppose I could be. And maybe that is something you could look at (well, not really, but let's pretend) and say "Wow RIO, you really are amazing". You would be so wrong, I've done so many horrible things in my life, if anything, my handling of my W's A does a TINY bit to balance the scale back to "good person". But it's still strongly weighted in the other direction. I'll never do enough good to make up for the bad, and I didn't kill anyone, rape anyone, steal, or really do anything all "that bad" compared to what lots of others have done.

Just to put the faces with the names of all who tragically died.

While I’m a supporter of feminism and equality, I still got a bit of a chuckle from this. It’s just a reminder that we are all biased and that colors our perspectives. It’s important that no one feels disenfranchised or unheard. Part of Kobe’s life story will always include that he allegedly raped someone and she is still a victim.

Man, I remember similar things were said when Chris Brown was accused pf beating the shit put of Rihanna and back when Kobe was first accused. Same thing happened with R Jelly. I mean, yeah, white men get away with more than Black men. But in the case of dv and rape, white men SHOULD be treated like black men. They should be maligned.

but we know NOTHING about their private lives.

And that's literally true of EVERYONE outside our own home

Right. We thunk because people look so happy on fb this means they are happy. That is the whole point. I would also ppint out that the Bryant family had a much bigger incentive than most of ud do to put up a happy front. Maybe he was a good husband and great father. But if he wasnt? Kobe's whole persona has always veen of a nice guy. And his endorcements have come from that - amazing b-ball player and nice guy. If he weren't a good guy, that would mean a loss of endorcements, leading to a loss of income.

Again. He might have been a great guy. But there was a huge incentive for the public to perceive him as such.

I just cannot wjth those munchkins losing their dad and sister at once. And the other passengers were teammates with THEIR mom or dad. Those families...omg.

I was a little early in my previous post, the pilot was at fault because he was flying below minimums in a helicopter that WAS NOT EVEN EQUIPPED for IFR flight.