SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rynoz,

A while back you wrote, And why would he leave his family for someone who cheated on their husband with him. He can see and knows what she’s doing to me. He’d be a straight fool to leave.

That made me laugh a little, OMs know what's good for them and know their long suffering wives will continue to be long suffering and loyal to them for God knows what reason.

Must feel like they've been taken by a con man when the OM starts making excuses and ghosts them.

So OM won't commit to women who are gullible enough to have sex with them.

BeyondRage I appreciate the support. I kind of thought that could possibly be the case. I figured with recent events that more pressure would be put on him to step up. I’m still surprised that if things were the way she makes it out that he hasn’t rescued her. Whether she is coming out of the fog, I really don’t know. Doesn’t really matter to me say this point. I have taken steps to get my life back. Its a little scary but I’ll be fine.

You are doing just fine, even if it doesn’t feel that way at times.

Just keep moving one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking straight out of the gates of this hell that she put you in!!!

Update. I was actually feeling sorry for my wife last night and this morning. However, this morning she started back spewing venom about the car insurance. Went on to say how I am butt hurt that she is choosing to be with a man who is in another relationship. That shows how miserable she must have been in our marriage. I believe she is lying and trying to cover her tracks. She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished. I told her I wasn’t going to finance her affair. Of course she said I sounded stupid but that is the reason she is super angry. And to think I was actually feeling sorry for her. That snapped me back into reality. She said I was just trying to hurt her by doing this. I told her I was separating her from my life.

Update. I was actually feeling sorry for my wife last night and this morning. However, this morning she started back spewing venom about the car insurance. Went on to say how I am butt hurt that she is choosing to be with a man who is in another relationship. That shows how miserable she must have been in our marriage. I believe she is lying and trying to cover her tracks. She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished. I told her I wasn’t going to finance her affair. Of course she said I sounded stupid but that is the reason she is super angry. And to think I was actually feeling sorry for her. That snapped me back into reality. She said I was just trying to hurt her by doing this. I told her I was separating her from my life.

Your WW is proving to you that you are making the right decision. She is showing you no remorse for her actions, and in fact, the opposite. She is justifying her actions and her A. She is showing you that the only things that matter to her are things that affect HER.

Hopefully your lawyer can figure out a way to have her leave or for you to leave without causing you any negative impact. The best thing for you right now is to be far away from her. Do not engage with her.

Protect yourself. 180 hard. No reason for you to speak to her. Let your attorney do it.

Also, it seems you need to prepare for things to be very ugly. Your WW seems like she is going to go after everything she can, so be prepared for that.

Went on to say how I am butt hurt that she is choosing to be with a man who is in another relationship. That shows how miserable she must have been in our marriage. I believe she is lying and trying to cover her tracks. She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished. I told her I wasn’t going to finance her affair. Of course she said I sounded stupid but that is the reason she is super angry. And to think I was actually feeling sorry for her. That snapped me back into reality. She said I was just trying to hurt her by doing this.

See a pattern?

I see a me me pattern. What do you see?

Exactly

You can’t R with someone who only thinks of himself/herself

She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished.

Wow - and to that I'd say, at least she feels something for you now...She must have felt nothing for you or the marriage to have thrown it all away.

You’d be better off not engaging her.

If you don’t learn to ignore you’ll just keep yourself wrapped up in the crazy.

That is totally up to you.

Only you can keep yourself in this. No one has that power over you.

What I hear from your WW is, "I'm going to continue spreading my legs for the other man/men and I'm pissed off that you're refusing to continue to fund my activities and pay for my newly decided way of life."

Please continue to take your life back. Continue down the path to shedding the whoring trash that you entwined yourself with. Don't allow the trash to convince your otherwise. Don't ever second guess your decision to get free. I wish the best for you.

Dismayed2012 I must say that in started this thread with a different mindset. I have turned around completely. She said and all of this is via text. So I have not engaged her. That whoever is coaching me to make sure they are around to dry my tears when I’m lonely, miserable, and desperate for love. I would say 2 things to that. First she admitted that right now she’s getting her ass kicked. And second that she is projecting because that’s what she’s doing right now waiting on a call our text from AP.

Went on to say how I am butt hurt that she is choosing to be with a man who is in another relationship.

She really thinks this thing is a great romance, some special and admirable courageous thing she's done-- or she wouldn't use these terms. It's like admitting "I've just done something society generally condemns, and now I'm justifying it" I guess we all have to be the hero in our own stories.

She definitely using the active verb: "Choose" and that's interesting. This divorce is happening because of HER stupid choices to be involved with "a man who is another relationship". How do you deconstruct this? Does she mean, he's in another relationship with someone we haven't seen yet? Have I missed something? I thought he was a widower.

She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished. I told her I wasn’t going to finance her affair. Of course she said I sounded stupid but that is the reason she is super angry.

It's probably better not to engage with this nonsense. If she presses you, you might try something definitive, like:

"I don't hate you, I'm just not obligated to spend my money supporting your adultery, it's that simple. We're getting divorced. Our finances will have to separate immediately. You made your choices, as you said. This is just ONE consequence of your decision. This is going to happen again with other recurring/split bills, so get used to the idea. Do you actually think I'm going to continue paying your bills after you leave this marriage? Divorce doesn't work that way."

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 9:21 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

What he needs to tell her with a straight face is this. " The more you speak, The more I am so glad I am choosing to divorce you! With every word out of you mouth, You prove to me you have, and probably only ever have had love for yourself. Every venomous word form you mouth, Just confirms that the person I was married to was a lie constructed by you to deceive me and everyone around you! By the way, When will you be getting the hell out of my house, SO I won't have to see your lying face again????"

"...whoever is coaching me to make sure they are around to dry my tears when I’m lonely, miserable, and desperate for love."

Tell her you're not going to have time for that. You'll be too busy framing the divorce decree and clinking beers with friends.

I would say 2 things to that. First she admitted that right now she’s getting her ass kicked. And second that she is projecting because that’s what she’s doing right now waiting on a call our text from AP.

Or door #3... her ego is actually THAT malignant. Scary as that option is, it does explain why she thought she could get you wheedle you into allowing her to keep a boyfriend.

What she's telling you in a nutshell is that she doesn't actually believe you can go on without her. So, egocentric as she is, she's never going to see your side of this and she's never going to empathize with your feelings about what she's done. You might want to start looking up information on "divorcing a narcissist". It's an unpleasant business, but it would explain why she's threatening a counter suit.

She says if my goal was to make HER hate ME inThis process then mission accomplished.

As opposed to when she loved you and was fucking another man outside of your marriage.

Went on to say how I am butt hurt that she is choosing to be with a man who is in another relationship.

Did she actually say "butt hurt"? Either way, this statement shows you how vile she is internally, and how she doesn't care for you at all.

You dared to not accept her horribleness!

***

By the way, you are proceeding like a champ!

Fog or not, repentant or not, do you really want this person to share in your life after this?

I must say that in started this thread with a different mindset. I have turned around completely.

Yes, you totally have, and it's impressive how quickly you became decisive. I didn't do nearly this well, and paid the price for it.

She said and all of this is via text. That whoever is coaching me to make sure they are around to dry my tears when I’m lonely, miserable, and desperate for love.

Hmmm.. by "love" she means.. HER, right? Hmm? The woman who was f*cking the other guy? That's right, her. One thing I always notice is when a WS resists D and makes a lame attempt at R, they have a hard time coming up with a benefit of reconciliation. Like, what could possibly be in it for you? Nostalgia? Okay, anything good, I mean. Because distrust, trickle truth, paranoia and feeling worthless while she goes out and bones another guy is so attractive to you.

Update. The car insurance thing was a real sore spot. She realized the cost of car insurance and has decided to take the car that is in her name from me that I got separate insurance OK and wants to turn in the license plate so I don’t have anything to drive. She said after a few choice words via text that I won’t be driving her car while she has to drive without insurance. And that I’m doing all of this because I’m bitter. Nothing to do with her actions. This is almost getting comical her predictable reactions and word choices.