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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 12:33 PM on Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021

LadyG - I truly hope you find a way to free yourself from contact with your WH. He is a POS. Have you been able to gain any distance from him at all? Are you still caring for him during his treatments?

My healing truly only began after my WH passed…ie. no contact. And I am not fully and completely healing yet…enough to want a new beginning, but there are days when I feel I won’t ever be whole and complete again. I am definitely not the same person pre-Dday. In some ways I am a better person…so much stronger and found love for myself. But like I said earlier…I lost my trusting nature. I now no longer believe any everyone is good.

Please try for some separation from WH…so you can continue on your path to healing. Sending you support and hugs.

Me - BS Him -WS DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017DDay4 - found out about LTA with ex-wife

posts: 533   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8696326
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Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 5:03 PM on Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021

TA999: belated happy birthday! and thanks for replying to my question, I think my stomach would flip too in your situation, even though you're right and they don't owe you anything (yet). I am glad it's going well and your personalities seem to mesh. Please keep us updated!

I too loved Maid, like @gmc94 said: it was very cathartic to me.
I think they did a really good job of portraying abuse and the cycle that is continued when you grow up in an abusive household.

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 267   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8696381
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 1:01 AM on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021

TA999, WH has all but recovered from any serious illness. He’s not in the best of health but neither am I. Helping him has left me depleted. I am alone in my apartment. I have as little contact with him as I possibly can.

This entire year has been about him. He decided now would be a good time to start confessing his sins. Pleading for forgiveness and another chance.

This person has abused me in every way possible and isolated me from my family and friends for so long.

Wh asked me if I was ashamed of him. Of course I am. But I am more ashamed of myself for allowing the abuse to continue so long. As my son said, I played fake happy family for so long that It became my normal.

WH has TOXIC AMNESIA.

**** WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT ****

With the Gabby Pettito murder recently, all the years of abuse came flooding back. Being slapped, punched and choked. That footage of her, well that was me. I jumped out of moving cars to get away from him.

I won’t elaborate on the rest.

I am in a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery group. It doesn’t help me but it keeps me in check and reminds of why I had to get out. We share similar experiences.

The sickest thing is WH telling me that he loves me more than ever before. barf

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8696505
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 6:34 PM on Thursday, November 11th, 2021

Hello Goddesses!

I took the day off as I accidentally took 8 hours of vacation time on a Saturday back in March.

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2170   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8697994
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 9:08 PM on Sunday, November 21st, 2021

Hi womenz, hope all is well. Hugs.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1953   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8699548
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:33 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021

Hello Womenz!

I wanted to ask each of you something.

Now that you know you didn’t marry the man your WH presented himself to be,

Do you blame yourself for not seeing through his facade sooner?

Is there a sense of relief that it’s out in the open?

I ask for an odd reason

Last night, we were falling asleep in bed

I was on my left side, he spooned behind me.

He asked me not to fart on him. As far as I know, I haven’t farted on him. But once he said it, it made me WANT to.

I was never like that before. I laid there thinking about it. After discovering he lied to me for three decades, I now find him unworthy of avoiding farting on.

When did that happen? I am not someone who goes around farting on people.

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2170   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8699619
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 1:01 AM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

20, farting on STBXWh should be an honour and privilege for my WH. He should be so lucky.

This past 2 years I have almost completely withdrawn any emotion or feelings for WH and this extends to his mother.

He has cancer, she has cancer…. Blah blah blah. I no longer care about their health and well-being. I was never like this in the past. Blah blah blah was WH’s usual answer to me when I spoke about his infidelity and abuse of me. Now I tune out when he speaks and all I hear is blah blah blah.

I may sound cruel but I am not crazy. WH s***t all over me and our marriage for years. A small fart would be a relief.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8700069
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 3:31 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

20, farting on STBXWh should be an honour and privilege for my WH. He should be so lucky.

That made me giggle. Wh should feel lucky i haven't Dutch Ovened him lol

Now that you know you didn’t marry the man your WH presented himself to be,

Do you blame yourself for not seeing through his facade sooner?

Not at all. My wh is a sweet talker. He can manipulate anyone. As he did with his IC he made her believe I was unreasonable asking for transparency and accountability from him.

Having caught him in many lies i can now see right through his bullshit. And he hates that. I call him out on crap. He never got called out by his OW's.

Something has been bothering me for a while. May i get your opinions?

Wh snd his ows mainly had doggy style sex. Quick. Emotionless. Just quick fucking. I couldn't bring myself to do it that way with him for years. Sex at all was brutal. Then slowly i started to reclaim many things. Doggy style was one of them.

Then all of a sudden wh refused to do it. He would start then stop and say he couldnt. Then he refused completely.

He said its because he wanted to see my face.

To me its like he wants to save those memories of them and not include me

Does that make sense? Im i right to feel put off by him refusing that with ME now?

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24314   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700141
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:31 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Hi Dragn,
Is it possible that your wh feels shame? That doggy style triggers it?

Tg

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1953   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8700442
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 1:23 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Hi Dragn,
Is it possible that your wh feels shame? That doggy style triggers it?

I wont say its not possible. But it seems unlikely for him to all of a sudden feel shame after years of doing it.

Frankly there are times i do not want to look at him. And reclaiming a trigger only to have him take it away seems cruel.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24314   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700484
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 9:14 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

I don’t think he’s doing it for you at all

Remember, it’s all about them


Eve if they do something for you, it’s about how THEY feel by doing it for you, to you, with you

So, I think he does it to preserve those good times in his head.

When he was giving it to his cumdumps doggy style, and you didn’t know


Our knowledge just takes the fun out of it

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2170   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8700525
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 12:25 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Sometimes i wish i had less details.

Sometimes i wish i knew every little bit that he did behind my back. Every word he said.

Ugh! This shit is hard some days.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24314   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700547
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ISurvivedSoFar ( Guide #56915) posted at 12:17 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Hi Dragn - have you asked him why it is important to see your face?

It seems to me that there is an impersonal part to that position and it relates very much to his response about seeing your face so it is more personal. It may be the shame talking here and his attempt at trying to force himself to change.

Just a thought...

Most important is it makes you feel badly. Can you tell him that?

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2813   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700572
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 2:11 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Yes i have asked. He said because everything he wants is "right here".

It is an impersonal position but it gives me more pleasure. Sorry TMI.

The thing is he goes on about wanting Only Me. But i am not special, no different than any of his Ow's. I am just the vagina that does laundry and cooks dinner.

I may have the title of wife but that doesn't mean anything. He isn't authentic and vulnerable with me. We are not a couple, not partners. At least not how we used to be.

Somewhere along the line he put up a wall and wont let me in.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24314   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700580
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 2:26 AM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

BW only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:11 PM, Monday, December 20th]

Not Just Friends

posts: 637   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
id 8702522
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3yrsout ( member #50552) posted at 3:07 AM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

20 yrs,

Thanks for the first smile I’ve had all day, (re: farting on your WH).

Might I suggest that just a moment before you fart, you ask, "Is someone cooking popcorn?".

I find that to be a perfect opener, if you will.

Now I’m laughing out loud. Thanks! I needed that.

posts: 635   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2015
id 8702528
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:56 PM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

Dragn,

I am sorry for your struggles. All of this stuff is hard, and it boomerangs just when you think you are in a better place.

I know you have a lot on your plate, can you take some ‘me’ time for a morning or afternoon? Certainly harder with the holidays approaching.

Big hug.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1953   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8702907
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 7:35 PM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

For example - I experience muscle cramps in my legs when body gets in certain positions. Could be this is the problem with your man?

He has leg cramps when in missionary. Standing at the edge of the bed with me on it...not an issue so no.

Also, "getting it on" can be an olfactory experience not enjoyed if both parties are less than pristine.

Ok now i small like shit? Ahh no. This is a man who was intent on anal sex. And he and his whores werent exactly showering before fucking on their work breaks. If he could do it doggy style with them then he can do it with me.

Of course redundant at the moment since we aren't having sex.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24314   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8702945
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Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, December 16th, 2021

I feel sick to my stomach.

First I get an unexpected text from my EXWBF's father. I left my ski's at their house 2 winters ago and I never bothered to ask about them after I've gone NC with ex. Nobody was skiing with the pandemic and all. So his dad texted me to ask me if he should give them to ex (to bring them to me, I guess). I'm just going to ignore.

Next: I suddenly came across screenshots of my text conversation with my EX the night I caught him cheating on me. It feels like a punch to the gut. I am most gutted by the things I said myself. Not so much because I feel guilty of the horrible things I wished upon him, more so because I can read the pain in my words. Nothing less than utter devastation caused me to lash out like that.

To see your raw pain like that, black on white, so suddenly, really hurts. And now I'm left with a nauseated feeling. I wanted to ignore and just keep going with my work but the feeling is there.

ETA: I should add I also came across a couple of pictures of me and my ex very shortly after D-day. And it just pains me to see how 'normal' and 'close' I was with him, so short after that horrible night. There's a picture of him kissing my hand and I'm repulsed. Why did I let him so close to me after what he did? Current me could never do that.

[This message edited by Hedwig at 9:43 PM, Thursday, December 16th]

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 267   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8704557
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:55 AM on Sunday, December 19th, 2021

I am sorry Hedwig. It is so hard when you find anything like that. It teleports you back to that moment.

Maybe crack some wine and put on Mike, you know MAGIC Mike.

And just smile. Big hugs.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1953   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8704994
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