First of all. an apology if there are grammatical mistakes, English is not my mother tongue its Spanish, that along with the emotional charge of this text, I hope nothing get lost in translation. And I’m sorry if I don’t use the abbreviations correctly, I haven’t had the time to learn them. And I’m sorry to for the brick of text you are about to read, I hope its not too cringy.
It’s not my first time writing here, some of you maybe remember a threat I open in the Just Found Out forum a year ago approximately (Just Married was the title). I wasn’t be able to continue to that thread because, first I lost my password and then I haven’t had the energy or the strength to continue writing here or anywhere for that matter. But recently I’ve been lurking here again and I gain confidence to write again, I appreciate this forum a lot! The experience and the advises here are unparalleled to anything.
So here’s the story:
After 11 years of courtship and one year (one year!!) of marriage my wife cheated on me with a malenurse (Im sorry if thats not the proper term) while her mother was on treatment on the hospital. She had intercourse with this person on the hospital, she stayed some nights of the week just to keep monitoring and take care of my MIL, by orders of the hospital only one relative could stay in the room during the night.
So, long story short my wife began to talk with some of the staff, she practically lived there during that 3 months of treatment. But you know, that small talk started to transform and she begun a friendship with this so-called nurse, soon they waited each other to grab a bite a coffee and a conversation (suddenly they will be grabbing much more than a bite). During one of the nights she stayed, they had (unprotected) sex in a supply room there in the hospital, in the same floor her mother was lying in bed tied to an artificial respirator (the nerve of that woman right?). She later told me that, in that particular night her mother had a seizure and she was very vulnerable and the nurse tried to calm her and then he kissed her and one thing led to another…
I found out when I catch her texting a lot much more with a grin in her face, I tough she was gossip with one of her girlfriends but something was off, I took her phone while she was sleeping and there it was, that dumb woman did not deleted the conversations, that’s when I found out. They were talking to move the party elsewhere the next time they met, she was in fact the one that was pushing more. She even called him honey and she was demanding attention that he cannot deliver because, just to make the things shittier the guy is married with children, and from what my wife told me he even have a child outside the marriage that his wife is not aware of.
You can imagine, when I read that conversation my heart was beating like crazy I had and strange taste in my mouth, my legs were trembling, I couldn’t feel my hands, my head was aching and I felted that my eyes were about to pop out, I almost passed out, It was like my body didn’t know how to react and the answer was to make every possible reaction, it was a miracle that I didn’t piss myself (sorry for the image) BTW, that abnormal heart beat lasted for weeks.
Needless to say I didn’t sleep a minute. In the morning she take off to work while I called sick to grab some clothes and some belongings and I headed to a cheap hotel where I stayed for the weekend. Before I leaved I wrote her a letter with my wedding ring on it.
I was a devastated. The love of my life cheated on me.
I don’t wanna put so much detail but we have an extreme hysterical bonding when I returned home. I said extreme not just because of the hardcore sex we had but because the emotions were shifting every hour I was horny and then angry and then crying… you get the picture. It was awful and beautiful at the same time. We talked a lot, like 22 hrs a day I became addicted to know everything, everything she had to tell me, everyplace she’s being, who she talking, you name it, we became a wreck.
She still had to go to the hospital but she took the day shift at expense of being away from work some weekdays, that way she wasn’t alone. She took the initiative and she confessed herself to the chief of nurses but unfortunately there wasn’t any kind of punishment to the nurse, they just place him in another unit and they make him to participate in an ethical and sexual harassment seminar. That’s all. I couldn’t find his wife contact information, I have his number, and I personally went to talk to the hospital but there wasn’t response (it’s a public healthcare facility I don’t know that guys have their unions and truculent stuff going on).
I was thinking to roast him on social media like “are you the wife of this guy? He’s being cheating on you inside the hospital and he have a 9yo child with a colleague. Be aware!” but I desisted.
I went from Hysterial Bonding to mayor depress in a couple of weeks, then sometime after, my MIL passed away so I put my big boy pants and started to being supportive to my wife, but the depression and the sadness were there, lurking.
With the hypervigilance and all I discovered that she had been sexting and sending erotic pictures to her former boss, just months after our wedding. And she told me that one time while she was my girlfriend she kissed another boy in a party or something. I was disgusted. The pictures that I saw still hunts me, they were beautiful pictures, she barely send me anything like that to me, she was always told me that she didn’t like how she looked on photographs, but there she was with fantastic model poses and new lingerie just for him.
I gave her three months to make amends, I bought a lot of books starting with the crushingly fantastic Not Just Friends, I send her links to read or to listen podcasts , I was the one giving her tools, she was not capable of investigate by herself. I was very disappointed of that because she is a psychologist herself… I know!
In the three months notice she didn’t do a lot really, of course I had all of her passwords, full access to her phone, computer, etc, I GPS’d her ass 24/7, she had zero contact with the AP. But she still didn’t wasn’t aware of the damage, pain and trauma I was receiving , and I could tell that because she did some things in the R that infuriated me.
A weekend I went to my grandparents’ house in the country just to hang out with them and talk, I didn’t even tell her just a Friday night I called her from there, you know what she did? She had the need to talk with someone and she went to the movies with a friend of her, male of course!
Sometime after she had the idea of putting a tattoo in her forearm with a Celtic symbol that represented the soul, body and mind with my initial in the center of it. Sounds nice right? Well she went to the tattoo parlor with a friend of mine (male) just because he lived by the neighborhood. I was furious with both of them. I didn’t even saw the tattoo, to this time she didn’t even mention it, she didn’t publicly mention the meaning of the symbol to anyone.
But there were some apparently insignificant stuff that put me down. By Xmas I still had some expectations. I’m a kind of audiophile so I tough, maybe she will get me some of my favorite records for my always growing collection, or maybe an expensive Home Theater, a new guitar … it was an opportunity for her to make something meaningful. Well, she got me the most awful and cheap pair of earbuds on Amazon, they were literally the first in the listing. Like she didn’t knew me at all. I make her returned them. I’d preferred to have no presents at all.
In my birthday was the same, I had nothing, just a regular dinner at my folks house, hell it wasn’t even my birthday it was two or three days after because nobody could make it in the weekday.
Then the whole lockdown covid thing, we were both working from home, it was awful. During the quarantine I learned a new hobbie though, mixology, the boose helped me a little.
So the R was meh, a limbo of sorts, I was just hanging in there, the sex was practically inexistent, we were like roomates.
Then a couple of months ago I started notice some, like moles in my genital area, I went to a doctor and I found out that I had HPV. I was devasted, now I have nasty, ugly looking and especially contagious warts.
That week all the little advances we had on R went to shit. I again took my stuff but this time I went to a new house that we recently bought (or started mortgage payments) months before DDay.
I secluded myself there, she never went to see me, she barely talked to me, during the seclusion the DDay anniversary passed with no mention.
Then one day she went to the house to ask me for a divorce. She said that the R was unbearable, that she wasn’t in love with me anymore. Later I found out that in the almost two months that I was away she found a boyfriend. So there that. That’s all. This weekend we went to the divorce lawyer and in a two or three months I’ll gonna be legally single again with a mortgage that I barely can pay by myself, with a lifetime sexual disease, I cannot even have revenge sex. I will cannot look for another girl. I will be alone and on my own now. She crushed my dreams and expectations. She destroyed my mind, my body, my heart and even my bank account, I have to pay for the divorce and the whole proprietary change of the house.
I don’t even know why I’m even writing all of this here, but I don’t trust therapists, the couple I had they were shifting the guilt to me. I don’t up to that shit anymore. My self steam is in the lowest I cannot stand that. I feel like a complete idiot to trust this woman, and I feel like a don't deserve any of this shit, its like Im living the life of another person.
[This message edited by RichT at 12:15 PM, November 14th (Saturday)]
