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First of all you need to realise that you cannot rely on her or her good will. The agreement with the house is built on sand if you don’t have something official, so if it’s being given to you - get the deeds into your name ASAP. If not, then speak to your solicitor about what can be done around making it a binding agreement with fair terms I.e - if she still owns it you must have the rights of a renter in terms of privacy (can’t come and go or bring OM around).

You need to be somewhere safe, where you don’t need to be scared of her. Can you stay elsewhere temporarily till the flat is empty and you can live in it (I’m guessing that’s where you are now).

Getting yourself out of that situation should be a priority and I would suggest speaking to Kent social services/council here. You are scared of her, she is breaking the Covid laws and placing you in a potentially abusive situation, so I think this would qualify for emergency help, especially with you being so reliant on her for your well-being. Find out what they can offer in terms of crisis loans, emergency accommodation and general support. Speak to CItizens Advice as well because they can often help with accessing help and support, I have used them previously and they are excellent.

Good luck

Last night was awful!

If you look at what made last night awful you will notice that the predominant factor was the proximity to your soon-to-be ex wife.

Hearing about your ex drinking, OM being so close, the strain in their relationship due to his wife…

You state a solicitor has made you an offer and that you consider the offer fair. Get it over with. Sign on the dotted line and move her or move you out.

You state a solicitor has made you an offer and that you consider the offer fair. Get it over with. Sign on the dotted line and move her or move you out.

Once the tenant has moved out of the property at the end of March and we are not in lockdown I will move out

Getting yourself out of that situation should be a priority and I would suggest speaking to Kent social services/council here. You are scared of her, she is breaking the Covid laws and placing you in a potentially abusive situation, so I think this would qualify for emergency help, especially with you being so reliant on her for your well-being. Find out what they can offer in terms of crisis loans, emergency accommodation and general support. Speak to CItizens Advice as well because they can often help with accessing help and support, I have used them previously and they are excellent.

I have spoken to Citizens Advice and they helped me get to where I am. The problem is the tension between the two of them! He should be with his wife until she is admitted to a care home but my wife won't have it! She is behaving like a monster and drunk!

Is the agreement signed and officially completed?!!!

This is of the greatest importance! If the agreement is to your advantage then you need to find ways to cope until it's been signed, the i's dotted and the t's crossed.

Start complaining or making waves and your ex will renege on the deal.

I have spoken to Citizens Advice and they helped me get to where I am. The problem is the tension between the two of them! He should be with his wife until she is admitted to a care home but my wife won't have it! She is behaving like a monster and drunk!

You could report him for breaching the Covid rules? Particularly with a vulnerable person such as his wife. Suspect it might just be a fine but might be enough to make them stop for a bit.

Can you ask the tenants to move out earlier? It may be that they go earlier anyway. You don’t need to wait till lockdown ends, the rules allow for moving in situations like this where your mental and emotional well-being is under threat and you are in an abusive situation (which I think this is).

Os the flat going to be in your name? Make sure that it is or that you have a proper agreement drawn up by the solicitor - remember, she is not someone to rely on.

I can't add much as everyone else has been very honest with their advice. My heart hurts for you because you seem like such a nice man you are allowing her to abuse you emotionally.

I did last night and he said it is none of my business!

When I was alone with my wife I told her how rude he was and she said he was right and it is none of my business and if I don't like it I can leave!

She needs to be gone, like yesterday. I know you have plans in place and all I can do is pray that you find the strength to move on with your life. You don't have to be single for the rest of your life; the right person will show you that.

I have spoken to Citizens Advice and they helped me get to where I am. The problem is the tension between the two of them! He should be with his wife until she is admitted to a care home but my wife won't have it! She is behaving like a monster and drunk!

I’m so sorry you are still in the thick of it, damn your STBXWW is seriously not right in the head, tbh she sounds like a bloody psycho.

Surely now with lockdown in full measures there may actually be something that can be done? With vulnerable people to think of surely some form of authorities should be involved!!

Again with lockdown here your situation is absolutely terrifying to imagine what that woman will do next.

Please take some measures to protect yourself from this toxic environment, she sounds unhinged.

I appreciate all your kind advice but at the moment I am only thinking about my sanity.

Because of her erratic almost violent temper I don't wish to crank it up any higher than it is!

His wife is now in a care unit as she had a fall! He feels terrible for not being there and his daughter has basically disowned him because my wife told her to get a life and he stood by my wife! She is behaving like a brattish teenager! To give you an example I was in my room last night and she was downstairs laughing at the news in America! He said he is not funny this is very serious and she screamed very loudly 'It is fucking funny you c@*t'! I got up to tell her to keep the noise down and she said who are you? I said what she said get out now!

Today she has not had a drink and is in bed but is so much better!

Just so you know! I have not signed anything. The agreement as far as I know will be honoured!

One other thing is I have a feeling they won't be a couple for much longer!

When will this all end!

Wow...I don’t know quite what to say!!

Although I will say...

For your sake I hope they stay together till you are away from her toxicity.

At least he’s getting her filthy mouth opposed to you.

So is her AP submissive/passive/quiet too? I didn’t know the correct way to say it. I don’t want to offend anyone.

BigBlueEyes

Member

Member # 71441

Default Posted: 12:23 PM, January 7th (Thursday) View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate Message

Wow...I don’t know quite what to say!!

Although I will say...

For your sake I hope they stay together till you are away from her toxicity.

At least he’s getting her filthy mouth opposed to you.

So is her AP submissive/passive/quiet too? I didn’t know the correct way to say it. I don’t want to offend anyone.

I cannot see them staying together now! He has become submissive and quiet like me yes! He certainly wasn't and that is also annoying her! Last night I heard her shouting that he is useless and incapable of making a decision! That is exactly what she always told me but if I ever did make a decision it was a pathetic one or pointless! At this rate he will be sleeping in my room!

This will be my last post on this thread unless I see action on your part.

To me it’s like watching someone dousing himself with gasoline while complaining about the person next to them smoking.

I don’t care if you don’t expect her to go back on it. I guess you didn’t expect her to cheat either.

Get

Don’t do ANYTHING to rock the boat. She can blow the OM in your presence for all I care – SHE IS HISTORY. SHE IS THE PAST.

Get

Legal!

I have now moved out!

Moved last weekend and feels strange but it is for the best.

Thank you everyone for all your support and advice.

Thank you for the update, Rambler. I hope that you can get the D official sooner than later and have her in your rear view mirror!

Congrats!

WOW, that took a turn ! Glad to see you got out. Is the ink dry on all of the agreements though? Looks like her new fling is already hitting the skids. Get yourself settled and take care of yourself. Grab some popcorn because you can sit and watch her implode....

Only thing signed is the property I am now in!

The relationship she had is not good and her mood is now quite scary so I was so happy to be out of there!

The strange thing is that she rescued a dog just before Christmas and everyday she knocks for me so we walk the dog! She then tells me her feelings about him! It is almost like she sees me as a friend and as if we were never married or are married?

Seriously think she needs therapy!

Why are you engaging with her in any capacity? You're walking her dog and listening to her ramble about her relationship? You have moved out - you should be completely NC.

When she knocks, ignore it. And keep that VAR on you always - you don't want a trumped up charge of DV on your plate.

Seriously think she needs therapy!

Of course she does. You should be in therapy as well - you've been through a great deal.

So you did her a favor. You didn't leave her, you just left them alone. You don't bother them with your presence, but she finds you when she needs your company.

I think you should build yourself a new life without her. Detach yourself from her. Remember how disrespectful she was (they were) towards you. Ignore her when she comes to you and say about her (their) problems; "none of my business".

Your WW seems to need therapy regarding relationship management style, but you seem to need a therapy too to handle this situation.