SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She then tells me her feelings about him! It is almost like she sees me as a friend and as if we were never married or are married?

This is outright emotional cruelty ... or unbelievable inability to comprehend basic human emotions.

She then tells me her feelings about him! It is almost like she sees me as a friend and as if we were never married or are married?

Buddy, she's treating you as her girlfriend.

Just no to that.

Why are you even with her walking the dog? Why are you still in contact with her? Are you afraid she'd get mad and yell at you for not walking with her? Stay away from her unless it's for financial reasons thru your lawyer. No more face-to-face contact or phone calls, only text or email where you control the conversation....and keep that to a minimum.

Based on your situation then if you are now in your own apartment – one that is legally in your name – and can live a comfortable life on your pension/income then maybe you are doing as well as can be expected.

Is the divorce finalized? Or the documents and all that turned in to the system?

Rambler,

Congratulations on getting out of the house.

As for walking the dog together, I understand it’s company for you for a limited amount of time while we’re in full lockdown, however I don’t think it’s healthy for you to be in such close proximity to her atm.

she sounds like she’s actually losing it.

Hang in there, lockdown isn’t here for much longer 🤞

The strange thing is that she rescued a dog just before Christmas and everyday she knocks for me so we walk the dog! She then tells me her feelings about him! It is almost like she sees me as a friend and as if we were never married or are married?

She has made you her emotional tampon. Nice.

It must sound worse than it actually is but for me it works.

I still enjoy her company a few times a week.

I'm sorry if I missed this but have you signed a settlement/divorce agreement yet?

IMO she's keeping you around as a friend to lessen her shame and guilt from her affair.

From her treatment of the OM it sounds like she's unstable and toxic - and needs a victim to beat on.

When the other relationship fails she'll be back at your door.

Therefore, you need to protect yourself by getting that settlement signed so you are never her financial & emotional hostage again.

I agree with Robert22205https except this:

When the other relationship fails she'll be back at your door.

I think she will want you back at her door.

It must sound worse than it actually is but for me it works.

I still enjoy her company a few times a week.

I must ask you WHY you enjoy being around someone who is emotionally abusing you? Are you still hoping that she'll choose you over AP? Are you willing to be Plan B?

Sir, I do believe some IC would help you to find out why you are willing to allow her to treat you this way. I have been there, and I did the same thing with xWH because I wanted so badly for him to "recognize his mistakes and run into my arms begging forgiveness." I know your pain. You are doing the "pick me dance" with hopes that she and AP won't last and she'll want you again. PLEASE PLEASE don't do this to yourself.

Just an update but she has split up with the OM

She honestly doesn't want me back as she wants a 'meaningful relationship that is sexual'

I have taken the dog for a few walks without her bow.

Obviously, she doesn't want you as a H, even if there is no other person in her life. And you will remain her friend as long as she wants.

What is your plan now?

Will you detach yourself fom her and file for a D, or will you continue to give what she wants without taking anything?

The KEY ISSUE and IMHO the only relevant issue:

Have you two legally completed the transfer of the apartment to your name?

Has the marriage been legally terminated or has the process to do that been started?

She has a son who (based on what you share) seems to have gotten some of her assets. You want the legal aspects of your separation done and dusted BEFORE he gets involved.

Remember – and lets speak plain English here… You two are old enough to be living on your pensions. If she were to get a stroke or drop down dead her son could have you out on the street in a couple of months.

Get YOUR security in place.

She honestly doesn't want me back

Her actions have said this for a while, unfortunately. You deserve so much better!

Update

No further along on the divorce front but she has signed over the flat to me.

Can I thank you all for your support.

Of course you can Rambler...but what you need to start doing for your own sake is the 180/Grey Rock and emotionally detach yourself from you STBXW.

Rambler, I'm very glad to see things have progressed in your actions to get away from this horribly cruel woman. Feel happy she doesn't want to get back with you-- as many have said, you deserve better than this and I'm glad some degree of freedom is at least within sight now.

I've refrained from commenting as I've not been very active on SI.com for a while and your case was one where I was afraid I'd probably use the two by four approach. Your ex makes me (and likely others here) very angry at her on your behalf. That was no way to live.

I'm glad you survived infidelity and wish you luck in whatever life brings you next.

Rex

She’s not your friend. And she is trying to make you a friend so she doesn’t feel guilty about what she did.

She’s not a good person b/c she has subjected you to emotional cruelty by thinking you were interested in her feelings for someone else.

That is just wrong.

My stance is mostly directed by what you have shared about your financial status as a pensioner.

If the apartment is signed over to you and you are 100% certain it’s a legally binding contract then great! A very good major first step.

Just make sure it’s legal… Make sure the contract will hold when and if you eventually divorce. Property is generally something you can’t give per se without tax-issues or fees. I would hate for you to have a worthless piece of paper or a substantial tax- or fee debt unpaid.