SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes I am overweight and that is something that bothers her and me. I was always chubby but in the past few years I have gained a lot of weight! I am a snacker and eat far too many sweet things! I don't drink alcohol though!I will make an appointment with my Dr and see about my weight.

Thank you

[This message edited by Ramblerbyday at 11:52 AM, November 7th (Saturday)]

Don't worry about it bothering her. Not your problem. Get checked out for yourself. I'm a snacker as well so I hear every word you're saying. Trust me, get the snoring checked out. It may save your life.

Sleep apnea can kill brother. I lost a good childhood friend about twenty years ago from apnea. He was only about 35. His wife woke up one morning and he was cold and stiff as a board.

He simply stopped breathing in his sleep.

[This message edited by Westway at 12:59 PM, November 11th (Wednesday)]

Ramblerbyday why are you and seemingly so many British guys so damn passive with your women? I don't understand it. Is it a cultural thing to just roll over and take it?

I look at the way Prince Harry just lets Meghan lead him around by the nose. She literally p*ssy-whipped him into renouncing his royalty. It's a mystery.

Westway,

I’m British & trust me when I say my XH definitely wasn’t passive,

I’m guessing I would probably still be married to him if he was even slightly passive

I’m sure it’s in every country, culture & walk of life...not just the British!

BigBlueEyes

Westway,

I’m British & trust me when I say my XH definitely wasn’t passive, I’m guessing I would probably still be married to him if he was even slightly passive

I’m sure it’s in every country, culture & walk of life...not just the British!

I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry if I came across that way. I stand corrected.

I make it clear I am passive and I always have been. It annoys my wife a lot but I cannot help that

Westway,

I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry if I came across that way. I stand corrected

No worries, thank you for the acknowledgement & apology.

Rambler,

I make it clear I am passive and I always have been. It annoys my wife a lot but I cannot help that

Your wife married you knowing full well who & what you are, if she wanted you to change then it was upto her to tell you that before having an A,

Even if she did tell you or complained about it over the yrs it still doesn't give her the right to step outside the marriage

I think some women are attracted to passive men because they can control them, but they don't take into consideration that a passive person is passive in ALL aspects of their life, not just marriage and sex.

@BigBlueEyes

'Your wife married you knowing full well who & what you are, if she wanted you to change then it was upto her to tell you that before having an A,

Even if she did tell you or complained about it over the yrs it still doesn't give her the right to step outside the marriage'

Indeed I told her that and she said why did I put up so many walls between us! I said I didn't mean to

@Westway

When I first met my wife what attracted her was my passiveness and she new I had hardly any experience but found that sweet after being in such an abusive relationship. Her previous marriage was violent!

So I was ideal then but now obviously not!

The atmosphere is now dreadful and my wife was always an understanding and patient person but she now is so rude to my face! I think she lied about this man and they are not just having a relationship but making plans!

I told her that and she said why did I put up so many walls between us! I said I didn't mean to

Ramblerbyday, you don't need to apologize, for your W's A is NOT your fault! It is her choice. Why did SHE chose to step outside of marriage? I think we do have answers at least on the surface and it is just a tip of the iceberg: morals, lack of ability to communicate aka expressing desires and needs, etc. By saying this, she excuses her A , it is in her own mind the reason to get into A. It's like "since you did X, I'll do Y and throw all the boundaries and morals away."

There is definitely more into this whole ordeal, but the KEY is , the whole situation is not about YOU.

Do whatever you WANT to do to grow and make improvements, but do them for YOURSELF 1st and foremost.

When I first met my wife what attracted her was my passiveness and she new I had hardly any experience but found that sweet after being in such an abusive relationship

No, she saw easy prey she could predate. She is a predator.

Her previous marriage was violent!

]

Did she have proof of this or did she just tell you that? Because... you know... cheaters never lie and never make up false stories about their husbands.

Did you ever meet her ex-husband? Did you get his side of the story? Maybe the reason he beat the hell out of her was because she cheated on him. Not saying that is right to do, but it could explain a lot.

The fact that she is being so cruel and rubbing the affair in your face clearly show she is not her first ride at the rodeo. She has done this type of thing before... probably many times to many men.

[This message edited by Westway at 9:33 AM, November 16th (Monday)]

I apologise I missed your reply this morning,

Indeed I told her that and she said why did I put up so many walls between us! I said I didn't mean to

Look I know why you are replying "I didn't mean to" but it doesn't make it right for you to do it, you don't have to feel bad about her stepping out on your marriage, like I said before she knew exactly who you were when she married you.

She's playing to you being passive & accepting,

The atmosphere is now dreadful and my wife was always an understanding and patient person but she now is so rude to my face! I think she lied about this man and they are not just having a relationship but making plans!

You don't deserve that treatment. This is NOT your fault!!!!

Have you made any appointments? Doc's? IC? CAB? Solicitor? I know we are in lockdown but all these are still operating even if its just by phone.

Plz start taking steps to control your future Rambler, I know its hard but trust me it can be done.

Did she have proof of this or did she just tell you that? Because... you know... cheaters never lie and never make up false stories about their husbands.

Did you ever meet her ex-husband? Did you get his side of the story? Maybe the reason he beat the hell out of her was because she cheated on him. Not saying that is right to do, but it could explain a lot.

The fact that she is being so cruel and rubbing the affair in your face clearly show she is not her first ride at the rodeo. She has done this type of thing before... probably many times to many men.

Yes I met him a few times to collect her belongings. He was very angry and told me she was poison!

The more I think about things the more I feel so useless and I am paranoid as it now looks like she has done this before!

You don't deserve that treatment. This is NOT your fault!!!!

Have you made any appointments? Doc's? IC? CAB? Solicitor? I know we are in lockdown but all these are still operating even if its just by phone.

Plz start taking steps to control your future Rambler, I know its hard but trust me it can be done.

I have made a Drs one yes

I have been very low and I think she thinks it is all my fault

I am close to tears all the time and she is so cruel now.

It is so hard and I have no one to help me

sorry

Hon, that's not true. You have all of us trying to help you. You are not alone.

Yes I met him a few times to collect her belongings. He was very angry and told me she was poison!

Which was probably a true picture of her. Have you heard anyone else other than her verify he was knocking her about?

Oh Rambler,

I swear you are not alone, you have so much wisdom, empathy, strength, advice & genuine concern & much more from (yes I know complete strangers) however it’s strangers that know exactly how you feel,

At any point there is always someone here to lend an ear (albeit a keyboard ear) but still we are here for you.

1st, Please don’t suffer in silence, inform your Doc when you see him, he may be able to prescribe you something to help a little,

2nd, when she starts her blaming, WALK away, SHUT her out, she wants & needs an audience, don’t give it to her!!

3rd, check with CAB, honestly I’m sure you will find someone there that can help you, they were fantastic when I needed help with my circumstances.

Have you got any close friends local to you?

Hon, that's not true. You have all of us trying to help you. You are not alone.

Thank you so much