SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I

[This message edited by Humbled123 at 12:11 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

I am not a WW. Does she usually post selfies or send you selfies? Maybe these weren't cute so she didn't send.

I am not a selfie person but, I did just take a selfie by our pool this past weekend. But it was just of my stomach because I thought "gosh my stomach looks yucky from this angle, sitting in this position in our lounge chairs - does it look that bad for real?" so I took a selfie of my stomach and was happy it was better from that angle. LOL. I deleted it because I felt creepy taking it in the first place.

I think you could tell from the pic if it was like that or not. In the cleavage selfie is she posed cute? Are there other things that are making you feel triggered lately? Do you usually check her pics or did you feel compelled to lately and then right away see selfies?

I very rarely take selfies and if I do - no cleavage or anything sexy. Period.

If you don’t get those photos something is going on. Something the cheater doesn’t want you to know about.

[This message edited by Humbled123 at 12:12 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

[This message edited by Humbled123 at 12:13 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

I'm sorry Humbled. Try not to say anything until you have enough info to be satisfied. Recorder is a good idea. I am sorry you are STILL dealing with this type of shit. Get a plan together, try and get things lined up as much as you can before you confront her.

Not a WW.

This thread should be in the General subforum and not here though. Friend, you and your WW are clearly NOT in Reconciliation.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 11:30 PM, August 2nd (Monday)]

I agree that you should say nothing until you have done a little more work to get more info.

Having said that, I think it fair and reasonable that, if some part of the betrayal involved even in the smallest ways, selfies, that a remorseful and R worthy WS would agree to no more selfies....period. None.

Of course, a promise to not take more selfies from an unremorseful, not yet fully repentant cheater would be a moot point. In this case, I think your digging deeper has merit and you should stay the course and see what you find. If you find she is clean as a whistle and nothing is amiss, it would be more than fair to insist that selfies are a thing of the past. If she balks, you have more problems than just being frustrated over selfies.

I understand the pain and likely anger this may be causing you. Whether ill intent or not, it does also show the level of not fully getting it that she still exhibits and internalizes. That alone is cause for concern.

WW here. During my A, I exchanged many selfies with my AP. When confronted by my BH, this stopped. There was the rare occasion that my BH asked me to send a selfie, but that was too triggering for him, so it stopped all together. If your WW took a selfie that was not shared with you, I would consider that a red flag. Are there any other red flags? Is she hiding her devices or changed passwords recently? Has she changed her wardrobe or make up? I am sorry you are here, but as a WW, I avoid things that are triggering to my BS.

It could be something. It could be nothing more than her feeling herself. I get that it's triggering and a behavior that she did while cheating before. I think it's a good idea to place the VAR and continue watching.

What made you start watching the iPad? Is your gut talking to you?

If you want specific help from waywards, there's a thread in the I Can Relate forum for BSes to ask questions of WSes. Only WSes can respond to BS questions in that thread.