Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: HoardMouse

Just Found Out :
Wife has been having an 11 month affair, advice needed

Topic is Sleeping.

 Ark04l (original poster member #79489) posted at 5:39 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Just found out my wife has been cheating on me for 11 months. ADVICE 🙏🏼

I am absolutely devastated. I’ve been with my wife now for 10 years. Married for 3. We have a amazing 8 year old girl, and JUST had another baby.

On my way home from picking up my daughter from a friends pool party. My wife accidentally sent me a screenshot of her FaceTime with another man. I instantly recognized him.

When I got home I confronted her, she explained it was a Instagram pocket dial and she instantly hung up out of embarrassment and took a screen shot in the process. (This was all a lie). I debunked this.

After questioning her, come to find out she was face timing this guy, and fucked up by sending me that picture entirely. She’s been talking with this guy (who is also married) for around 11 months. So I contacted his wife, and let her know my wife and her husband have been hiding their conversations from us.

After talking more with his wife, she discovered he was getting a hotel room down the street from our house all the time. She pulled this info up on their Marriott points account. I called him, and got him to come clean. He has been fucking my wife for months at a hotel during the day.

My wife would drop off my daughter at school, go meet with him. Then come home and act like NOTHING happened. I’ve since confronted her and she’s trying to get me to stay. The worst part is… our new born baby may not be mine. They have been having sex throughout her entire pregnancy.

I got a paternity test today. And should know by Friday the outcome. I don’t want to divorce my wife. But she has absolutely broken my heart, and ruined this family. My oldest daughter has no idea, and I don’t plan on telling her so they can keep a healthy relationship. My wife has never cheated before. I treat her like a queen, we are happy and love our relationship. Or so I thought.

If she had never sent me that screenshot by mistake, I’d have never known. The worst part is I have no idea why she would ruin our family and marriage. I give her my all, I work my ass off for her and the girls.

I’m broken.

UPDATE: baby is mine!

[edit: no soliciting]

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:30 PM, Thursday, November 18th]

posts: 51   ·   registered: Oct. 16th, 2021
id 8693573

 Ark04l (original poster member #79489) posted at 5:44 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Just to update:

-she has come clean. Everything at first was trickle truth.

-tomorrow we have a polygraph test.

-the new born is mine.

-we’ve done marriage therapy. I’ve done therapy.

-I’m having my lawyer draft up some papers.

-I’m have a post nup drafted.

-She will be taking a physc evaluation

Im not sure what I want to do. I constantly wonder how I could ever leave my family and start all over. We are both 30 years old.

But then reality sets in about how awful she really is. And the unforgivable acts she committed.

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention (threw out the day). However, I was. I was constantly surprising her. I’d always ask if we could do lunch or get coffee after dropping our 8 year old off at school (this is prior to her getting pregnant and during). But I explained to her she never did that for me. She never called to surprise me, date me, send me flirty text. I was already giving her so much. And if she was doing the bare minimum I would have done even more for her and our relationship.

Anyway. Still stuck here. Not divorced as of now. I’d like to at least be in the house until the holidays pass. My oldest has been SO excited for the holidays with her new sister. I don’t think I can take that from her right now.

posts: 51   ·   registered: Oct. 16th, 2021
id 8693574

TheWrongOne ( member #78753) posted at 6:02 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention (threw out the day).

Oldest excuse in the cheater's handbook. Not only is she a disgusting, lying cheat, but she is not even original.

posts: 190   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8693575

Felix12306 ( member #78827) posted at 6:24 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Exactly what TheWrongOne said. Mine used that same lame ass excuse. What advice exactly are you looking for? Seems like everything that needs to be done is getting done. Is she remorseful and empathetic? You will be okay no matter what. Both need IC.

BS Together for 15 years, married for 10 on D-Day. D-day 1/28/21, 44-day affair. D-Day that is was physical 6/18/21.

posts: 183   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2021
id 8693577

Marz ( member #60895) posted at 6:31 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention (threw out the day). However, I was. I was constantly surprising her. I’d always ask if we could do lunch or get coffee after dropping our 8 year old off at school (this is prior to her getting pregnant and during). But I explained to her she never did that for me.

It’s blame shifting bullshit.

Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

Think long term is this a dealbreaker?

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8693578

SnowToArmPits ( member #50943) posted at 6:34 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention

So she has the temperament of your 8 year old, needing constant attention?

11 months, whoa! Lots of lying right to your face, lots of sneaking about. Lots of sex with another man. If you're going to try to put that out of your mind and reconcile: it's going to take a lot of work, going to take time (maybe years), you're going to be an angry man.

If reconciling, suggest intensive individual counselling for your wife to fix her shit. Might give her the tools to keep her pants on next time. If she's not working flat out to repair the marriage, if the reconciling is mostly you... I think you know there's no point. End it and move on.

Sorry this happened.

Keep your chin up, you're not at fault here, your wife is a broken person. Too weak it seems to be in a long term marriage. Don't take any shit from her, look out for you and your kids.

posts: 467   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8693579

ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 8:06 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention

Ugh. So, not only has she cheated for the better part of a year and created a situation in which you had to DNA your new baby, she's going to stand there and insult you to your face by BLAME-SHIFTING her choice to cheat onto you. Wow. shocked
What happens next time she feels like she's not the center of your attention, hmm?

I'd like to say I'm surprised by the lack of critical thinking which goes into a response like that, but really I'm not. It's par for the course and it's utter bullshit. NONE of this is your fault. Cheating is 100% about the cheater. You were in the same marriage she was, and you didn't cheat. It's about CHARACTER. It's about the gap between a WS's stated values and their actual deeds. Your WW has a "but..." in her core value of fidelity. ie. "She believes in fidelity, but... not if she's unhappy or whatever." You see how that works, right? You and I don't have a "but..." in our core value of fidelity. We have a "so...". ie. "We believe in fidelity, so... we don't put ourselves in risky situations with people of the opposite sex." This is the BOUNDARY. We build these boundaries around our core beliefs in order to protect them. It's intuitive. We don't sit around thinking about it. But it gets done.

For cheaters, not so much. Their core values are weak and permeable. They haven't spent too much time thinking about what they truly believe in and what value they place on those beliefs. I can't be made to cheat with a gun to my head. My core values are strong. My boundaries surrounding them are tall and inflexible. You see how that works? It wasn't your fault. The failure is with your WW and in how she interacts with her own values/belief system. You didn't cause that. You couldn't have fixed it. And you couldn't have stopped it.

I know the most succinct advice is to file for divorce and put the cheater out of your life... and it might come to that, it really might. But for right now, you're not at any obligation to make a quick decision. It sounds like the affair has been stopped, although you and the OBS would be wise to continue monitoring. Broken NC is common in the early days and you're dealing with a proven LIAR. There's no pressing reason though why you can't make your decisions on YOUR time table. I certainly wouldn't start MC with her. The last thing you need is some quack trying to find common ground on who's to blame. Cheating is 100% about the cheater. It's about character and about how a person relates to their own core values.

I'm going to save myself some typing and reprint something to warn you off of therapists who go in for the blame shift of the "unmet needs" model. It's kind of long, but I think it will help you see what it is that your WW needs to accomplish in order to become a worthy candidate for R. It's not just about forgiveness, you know. It's about whether the cheater can CHANGE.

My own WH went on a Craigslist binge six years ago, multiple partners, various degrees of emotional attachment. He even thought he was in love at one point. But ten years before that, I'd caught him out in some online shenanigans, porn, cybersexing, emotional affair, etc. In fact, I caught him out only two weeks before a planned meet-up. I'd already seen an attorney before I confronted him and I was bent on divorce, but he pretty much cried his way out of it and I settled on MC. As you might have guessed already, we too were bamboozled with the "unmet needs" model of therapy, which sounds so reasonable. I upped my wife game, and did my best pick-me polka, but within a couple of years, he was right back at it behind my back. By the time we reached the ten year mark, he had screwed up his nerve to go live and in person on Craigslist.

Of course, I was pretty shocked as you might imagine. I thought we were good. I thought his "needs" were met. Damned if I hadn't been turning myself inside out for a decade to make sure, right? The more I thought about it, the more I revisited what I knew about the "unmet needs model", the less it made sense. I was doing everything right and he still CHOSE to cheat.

Here's the fly in the "unmet needs" ointment...

Healthy ADULTS don't need to be validated. They validate internally. Healthy adults are self-fruitful in the matter of contentment and life satisfaction, and when things come up which make them unhappy, they address the cause and solve the problem. OTOH, the vast majority of cheaters cheat because they're seeking external validation. They are NOT emotionally healthy. They can't do it on their own. They've got a hole inside them and no amount of external validation will fill it. Certainly, the old and familiar validation of a spouse doesn't get the job done. Our "kibbles" are stale and boring. They don't create enough adrenaline anymore to make the cheater feel special. It's like getting an "atta boy" from your mom, right?

This is old pop-psy which is still being taught in schools and still selling books. But it's bullshit. NOTHING you can do (or fail to do) can MAKE another person throw away their core values and do something that's in this kind of opposition to good character. If you're a person who BELIEVES in fidelity, who VALUES fidelity, you don't cheat. End of story. Because when we truly value something we protect it. The cheater has a "but..." in his values system. ie. "I believe in fidelity, but... not if my needs aren't being met." For people like you and me, we have a "so..." in our values system. ie. "I believe in fidelity, so... I don't put myself in risky situations with the opposite sex." This is the BOUNDARY we create organically. We don't sit around planning it out. It just happens, because it's innate to our character to protect what we value. The cheater doesn't have those boundaries because he doesn't really honor his values. He only claims to.

I'm not saying that your marriage is over or that your WH can't change. What I am saying though is that this "unmet needs" model is NOT going to challenge him to clean up his flawed character. In fact, it allows him to offload responsibility onto the marriage and onto YOU. It's not your job to MAKE him feel (fill-in-the-blank-here). It never was. It's his job to control his feelings. You could have been doing everything exactly perfect for the entire length of your marriage, and he would still have cheated... because there's NOTHING in his character stopping him and he has no coping mechanism to fall back on when he feels unvalidated, inadequate, unappreciated, etc.

It's HIS job to see that his "needs" get met. Sometimes that might mean negotiating with you, say if it's about sex or about the division of labor in your home, etc. But sometimes, it might mean that what he sees as a "need" is unhealthy in an adult, like external validation through attention and flattery.

MC's are there to treat the marriage. The marriage is the client. So, of course they're going to talk about communications, resentments and expectations. The MC doesn't want to alienate anyone, so s/he's looking to find balance on both sides. But marriages don't cheat. People do. The only way your WH is going to make a change that safeguards against further perfidy is by correcting his need for external validation and becoming an emotionally healthy adult whose deeds are as good as his word. No excuses, just honoring the things he claims to value. For that, I would recommend IC (individual counseling) with a therapist who is well-versed in adultery.

The last thing any newly-minted BS needs is to walk into an MC's office, believing that they've come to safe harbor, and being handed a copy of The Five Love Languages or some other "unmet needs" gobbledygook. It would be really nice if we actually did have the power to control our mate by giving them "acts of service" or "words of affirmation", but sadly, we aren't gods who can stop a cheater from seeking out his/her choice of adrenaline rush and new kibbles. Although, this kind of pop-psy suggests that their behavior is somehow our responsibility. The more you dig into this ridiculous line of thought, the more absurd it becomes.

Anyway, my advice is to take whatever time you need to make sure that you're making the best decision for YOU. What your WW wants is immaterial. She's had her choices. Now, it's your turn to make yours. Don't pressure yourself and don't allow her to pressure you. It's okay to not know what you want right now. You've been betrayed and traumatized. It's going to take some time to sort through your feelings.

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5757   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8693582

Marz ( member #60895) posted at 9:27 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Reconciliation after infidelity needs specific actions. If those aren’t there you’ll have a problem.

Upfront most waywards are just sorry they got caught. That will get you nothing.

Beware of marriage counciling. This field is full,of morons. She broken not the marriage. If they try and blame you for her affair walk out.

Good luck

[This message edited by Marz at 7:11 AM, Wednesday, November 3rd]

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8693584

OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 10:05 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Let me give you advice that I wish I had when my WW cheated the first time…divorce is a good option right now, before you’ve been married too long, otherwise you may get stuck with lifetime alimony if you split up later. She sounds very selfish and not a good candidate for R.

Being an emotionally healthy single dad is better than staying with her and not being healed and healthy.

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3415   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8693586

OneInTheSame ( member #49854) posted at 10:09 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She broken not the marriage. If they try and blame you for her affair walk out.

Ditto. Do not expect marriage or couples counseling to help ANYTHING right now. Individual counseling, however, is highly recommended — even mandatory.

The deceit and betrayal are mind-numbing. Be kind and gentle to yourself and do not rush anything. I am so sorry you had to join our little "club" but know you have our ears and our support.

(I edit to correct typos)
I am the BS in a lesbian marriage. My WW's ex-girlfriend was the AP.
D-day of the 6 mo A was 10/04/15
We are doing okay, but by now I wanted it to be better

posts: 2512   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 8693587

The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:05 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

I am so sorry for you and your family.

I suggest a post nup that you demand is signed before even considering reconciliation. Do not put in the post nup "if my wife cheats" as this limits the validity of the post nup. Put in "should we D for any reason" b/c you may reconcile and sometime later you want to D.

Well you are not D b/c she is cheating so your post nup would not apply if it states "D b/c of cheating".

Second, you have much to accept here. She cheated while pregnant. That’s hard to accept.

The marriage dynamics need to change. You pointed out you did all of the pursuing and she still blamed you for the affair. Wow! But typical cheater behavior.

Her actions - not her words - will now become the most important thing. They will represent everything about her — her intentions, her commitment and her remorse. If she’s not remorseful and continues to blame you for her affair — you have nothing to work with and she will most likely be a person who cheats again.

Ask me how I know. Lived through that scenario too.

Best of luck to you.

One word of advice - DO NOT help her reconcile. Do not tell her what to do or how to do it. That’s enabling. She figured out how to cheat so let her figure out how to make amends. If she doesn’t do that in her own — you then are dealing with a third child and not an equal partner.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12318   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8693591

Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 1:55 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

People cheat for a reason. They never admit it though. They look you in the eye and tell you it’s your fault. You work too much. You don’t pay them enough attention. You are too needy. You are too standoffish. You get the drift. The reason they cheat is because they want to. You never came into the decision except to be lied to. She is a garden variety cheater.
I don’t know you and am not getting into the R or D issue. Just questions for you. Can you live with this? What about 5,10,20 years from now? Will she do it again? Did she tell him she loved him? What is to stop her from doing this again? Is she authentic? Does she value her parents? How was her childhood? You are at the beginning of months/years trying to digest all this. Good luck.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 3392   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8693598

HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 2:59 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

I don’t want to divorce my wife.…My wife has never cheated before.

You don’t actually know who your wife is. The wife you (thought you) had would never have cheated. So that wasn’t actually your wife.

This person standing in front of you with your ring on her finger…she’s a stranger to you. Un-know everything you thought you knew about her and just watch. Only after you’ve figured out who she actually is, should you decide whether you want to be married to her or not.

Sending strength!

DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

posts: 2843   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2014
id 8693602

fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 3:49 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Lots of good advice here. Specifically, I agree with The1stWife that the marriage dynamics have to change. You put her on a pedestal and did all the pursuing. This led her to an attitude of entitlement that she could do whatever she pleased and you would still grovel and never leave. Just IMO but never put your partner on a pedestal no matter how wondrous you think they are. It becomes a form of the pick me dance where they lose respect for you. Your M is a partnership where both should be working their ass off to support the other. Not just you doing the work.

Take care of you. Watch her actions not her words. Accept no blame. She was unfaithful because she wanted to do it. Period.

[This message edited by fareast at 1:05 PM, October 16th (Saturday)]

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3212   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8693605

M1965 ( member #57009) posted at 5:01 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Hi Ark04l,

I am very sorry that this has happened to you.

She said all of this happened because she didn’t feel like I was showing her attention

This gets used as a justification by a huge number of cheaters, and it is always garbage, because:

(1) It blames you for her actions and decisions. You are not to blame for them; she is.

(2) If she perceived an issue in her relationship with you, why didn't she talk to you about it?

(3) People who cheat invent justifications that make them 'right' for cheating, often casting themselves as the victim. What you will find is that they did not perceive any big problems in the relationship before the opportunity to cheat came along. If they had, they would have mentioned them. It was only when they wanted to cheat that they invented their reasons for doing so.

(4) Cheating did absolutely nothing to improve her relationship with you, or the level of attention she got from you.

(5) It attempts to portray the decision to betray and deceive as reasonable, natural, and unavoidable. It is none of those things.

(6) It diverts focus and attention away from questions about their integrity, honesty, commitment, and investment in relationship that is founded on mutual trust and respect, not to mention love. The issue is not what feeble excuses somebody gives for cheating, but why nothing inside them or the relationship stopped them from doing that.

(7) It is frequently attempted as an excuse when there was plenty of attention being given, which this...

I was constantly surprising her. I’d always ask if we could do lunch or get coffee after dropping our 8 year old off at school (this is prior to her getting pregnant and during). But I explained to her she never did that for me. She never called to surprise me, date me, send me flirty text. I was already giving her so much. And if she was doing the bare minimum I would have done even more for her and our relationship.

...illustrates perfectly. The truth is that your wife was getting plenty of attention from you, but she wanted MORE when some opportunistic piece of crap offered it to her. That is not being a victim of neglect; it is selfish greed.

(8) It is frequently an example of projection, where the cheater accuses their spouse of a 'crime' they are guilty of, as when your wife complains of neglect when she was actually neglecting you, and expecting the traffic to be all one way.

(9) It suggests that there are get-out clauses hidden in the marriage vows. They usually run, "...and forsaking all others", not "...and forsaking all others, unless..."

None of this is or was about you. None of this is or was about neglect. There is an English actor called Colin Firth. He is a good actor, he has been in a lot of successful films, and loads of women find him attractive. He is handsome, wealthy, talented, and famous. And guess what? His wife cheated on him. Which illustrates how no matter what some people have or are given in a relationship, they still think they should have more. And I stress that it is only some people.

There is a lot of good advice here, and I particularly agree with fareast that if you do stay together, you need to take your wife off the pedestal she has been on, and she has to start making a lot more effort for you. Love is supposed to go both ways, and she has let you down on that score, both within the relationship, and by having the affair. She has a lot of work to do on herself to up her game.

posts: 1232   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2017   ·   location: South East of England
id 8693611

Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 5:15 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

She's not remorseful, she just regrets getting caught. I highly recommend FULL EXPOSURE with both sets of parents, relatives and close friends. She may still have feelings for OM, EXPOSURE typically kills the "beautiful, exciting and romantic" aspects of the A and replaces them with pure shame and embarrassment, the more she hates the A, the less likely she is to continue it and to cheat again in the future, it's part of her consequences for her huge betrayal. IMHO it's way too soon for you to jump in the R bandwagon, the opportunity to R should be earned, it takes years to R after infidelity even with a fully remorseful WS doing all the necessary work, right now you simply don't have that and she's even blaming you for her decision to cheat. But if you insist on giving R a shot here's some of the basics:

1) She needs to send an NC FOREVER text to OM, one you approve and watch her hit send (no sweet goodbyes). Anyone who knew of the A and/or enabled it in any form should go too, they're not "friends of the M".

2) Demand she gets tested for STDs/STIs (full panel), yes she was playing russian roulette with your health and during a pandemic no less, and make no mistake about it, if the newborn was not yours, she would have probably kept silent.

3)Demand FULL on demand access to her phone and ALL electronic devices and passwords, no questions asked, just because you now know, doesn't mean the A won't continue or restart again in the future, or she may find a new AP. Do not buy the "it's my privacy bs", when you get married, it becomes "our privacy" instead, do not confuse "privacy" with "secrecy".

4) Consult a D attorney to know your legal options and yes by all means get a postnup in your favor (no alimony, she doesn't touch your retirement, etc.), one that would stand in court should you decide to D her in the future for any reason.

5) Full exposure to both sets of parents, close relatives and mutual friends, exposure also helps with remorse, no true remorse, no chance to R successfully.

6) Demand she goes to IC with someone who specializes in infidelity, forget MC for now, it's typically a waste of time and money at this point while she's still blaming you after just being caught cheating.

Others will chime in with more advice, but if she refuses to do any of the above just file for D and get out of infidelity, keep posting frequently, the collective wisdom of SI could help you go through this difficult situation, we've literally "seen it" play out THOUSANDS of times here on SI and other forums.

posts: 2615   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8693615

 Ark04l (original poster member #79489) posted at 5:30 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

And to clarify: She knows this is her fault. She isn’t blaming me. But telling me why she thinks she did it. She is still unsure why she ruined a perfectly good marriage.

But she knows and has told me this is 1000% her fault. She holds no blame on me, because it’s in her. And she said she’s willing to do ANYTHING to prove she can reconcile and be forgiven.

That’s the hardest part for me right now. Because I believe she could put in the work. But I’ll always feel like #2. And she’s only doing this because she got caught. I feel Ike I can forgive, but I know I could never ever forget.

Her parents are divorced. Her mom cheated on her dad. Then her mom got remarried and was cheated on and divorced. Her dad remarried, got cheated on and divorced.

Her uncle was cheated on around 20 years ago and went into and still is in deep alcoholic spiral.

She has every reason not to cheat. But she did it anyway.

So I’m leaning more towards D than R. But I’m going through the steps of R. So I can at least tell my daughters I tried.

Thanks for all the advice you all. This is the darkest time of my life. Definitely needed the helping hand.

posts: 51   ·   registered: Oct. 16th, 2021
id 8693617

Marz ( member #60895) posted at 5:34 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

See what is versus what you want to see.

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8693618

 Ark04l (original poster member #79489) posted at 6:29 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

This is what has been done this far.

-her number was changed. And his number was changed (his wife called me and assured me of that. He has a flip phone).

-she has NO access to social media of any kind. It’s even blocked on her computer and phone internet.

-her phone has a parental lock down feature on it now. She can only use it for some things.

-talked to an attorney. I know where I stand.

-paternity tested the new born (she’s mine)

-STD test has been done on everyone.

-already went to marital divorce therapy.

-polygraph is today.

-post nup is being worked on

-her phone is tracked.

-cameras are in every room of the house and outside of the house.

-trauma therapy is being scheduled.

-computer is locked down.

There are more steps that will take place. But that’s what has happened for now. Just for me to be in the house and not kick her out. So we can both be there for the new born. Which is currently on oxygen. She spent 9 days in the hospital with RSV. So she needs a little extra love right now.

posts: 51   ·   registered: Oct. 16th, 2021
id 8693624

fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 7:04 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2021

Most important thing right now is care for your newborn. Prayers for her. You listed some good first steps. This is not a race. You will figure out what you want going forward. Is your WW defensive or is she willing to listen to your pain and anger. , and answer all of your questions? Is she open and transparent? Is she working on her own brokenness that allowed her to betray you? She has destroyed the trust in your M. Is she capable of true remorse and empathy for you? Watch her actions. Her words are meaningless.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3212   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8693629
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220813 2002-2022® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy