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So I just found my WH burner phone in his car. Found text about them wanting to kiss each other all over. Do I put it back or do I keep it???

We are in the process of S and D but living under the same roof.

I don’t know what to do. I almost want to keep it. If anyone is still awake I would love some advice

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 2:45 AM, Thursday, November 11th]

I would take pics of everything and put it back.

If your sure about S/D...work on getting emotional distance between you and him.i know that's hard as hell. Because continuing to look at the phone will hurt you.

Im sorry.this is really shitty of him..

First off, I am very sorry. Please focus on staying healthy through the process. Next, I think I would keep it and play dumb. He can think he misplaced it or wonder if you have it. Definitely keep the phone backed up, more than just pictures on your phone, send those pictures to your email or something you can keep it backed up with.

I put it back. I could literally throw up reading the stuff they were saying to each other. She knows he’s married too. Both of them are crap. I feel like I’m living in a dream.

Thank you both for responding. I just can’t believe this

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 12:33 PM, Wednesday, November 10th]

If she’s married send copies to her husband.

I’m sorry for you. But if you are "separated" (yet living in same home) and heading to D, this is a sure sign you need to emotionally detach as well.

It is clear your H has other plans for his future.

I would suggest you get some help or read a book or two about D and emotionally separating yourself.

He’s not your problem any longer. He’s made that clear. Do a hard 180 - no meals cooked for him, no laundry, no grocery shopping for him, no errands etc.

In essence STOP BEING HIS WIFE!

Stop caring what happens to him.

Be home as little as possible. Don’t tell him where you are going.

I hope this helps you.

I have pretty much been doing a hard 180 for the past several weeks. Just two weeks ago WH was apologizing and saying I don’t deserve any of this and he wanted to be a family. I’m almost relieved I found the phone. Up until now I only had phone records and some random text to and from other women. I am so ready for this to be over.

Just hang in there. Don't let him lure you back in with words. I was in a similar position years ago and although my fwh and I are content, I can't help but wonder occasionally what my life would've been. My husband realized that I was truly at the point of leaving, and I told him I just didn't care anymore. He got himself together and we've had a solid relationship for several years. Things are really good now, (can't help but wonder if our age plays a role). You're still young enough to enjoy the rest of your life and cherish your kids. Don't get too caught up in his bad behavior (keep up with the 180 and take care of you!) We're all rooting for you!.

You can see his actions don’t match his words.

So he SAYS he doesn’t want a D but then behaves as if he’s already D.

SMDH - at least you know exactly what you are dealing with and his intentions to put his own selfish desires first.

I’m almost relieved I found the phone.

During my D (and beyond), anything I found like that I took as a sign that I was on the right path (ie Divorcing).

While it hurts, it is showing you what you need to continue to do.

Stay hopeful for yourself and your children. I know it's it's an emotional upheaval right now...

Wishing you courage and determination...

Have you told her husband? I would do that totally irrespective of anything else you do.

However… Since you are divorcing you have fired him from the role of husband.
It’s like if you fire a worker for constantly being late for oversleeping. Once fired you don’t drive by his house early mornings honking your horn. His actions are no longer your concern.

If you want to you could simply hand the phone to your husband along with words like "this just confirms why divorce is the right thing for me. Since I don’t really see you as a husband anymore feel free to have that phone on you if that’s what rocks you boat. It would be in good taste to be discreet – but this just wants me to get the divorce over as fast as possible."

Thank you again for all of your responses.

I am not sure if she is married or not. I really don’t care but it would still be interesting to know who she is

He just came in the room and asked me...."Do I need to pick up something or are you cooking dinner?" I just said "I’m not sure what I’m going to do". So he left to go pick him up something to eat. He’s probably happy so he can talk to his ho again. And I’m glad because he’s out of the house for a little bit.

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 12:35 PM, Wednesday, November 10th]

"I am never cooking dinner for your sorry ass again."

You say you are "in the process" of S and D. Have your lawyers already set a legal separation date, or is new income still going in to joint assets? Have you filed for D? Are you doing mediation? Where in the process are you exactly?

To me it doesn't make sense that you or he would do ANYTHING for one another at this point.

We are in the beginning phase of this. He won’t move out, at least right now. Me and my kids aren’t moving out, at least at this point. I have an appointment with my attorney on Monday so hopefully we can file some more formal paperwork. But unfortunately S doesn’t legally start until we live apart. My attorney just told me to keep gathering more evidence since we aren’t legally separated yet.

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 12:36 PM, Wednesday, November 10th]

He won’t move out, at least right now

A WS foot dragging? I'm shocked! Absolutely shocked!

It may or may not be the same situation I'm in. My wife and I do not legally share the same last name. Everyone calls her my last name, but it's not on any official form. It's worth checking to see.

It seems to me we are seeing a lot of ws who are serial cheaters. I guess covid stopped them from getting their daily fixes so burner phones are all over the place.
I hope you get this resolved quickly. The bs who were able to go NC or gray rock seem to get their lives back. You don’t deserve this. No bs does.

Found his burner phone again. She seems to live up north and is planning an exit strategy. From Their text it looks like they are planing to meet tomorrow. All kinds of I love you and can’t wait to hold you. I wish I knew how to contact her husband or whoever she is trying to leave. This is so crazy. I can’t believe it.
WH said he had a plan for them to meet. This is all so surreal

I'm going to take a totally different stance on this. Take the phone and keep it safe so you can show her H or her sig other. If he asks about it, deny deny deny. He won't ask because he doesn't think you know he has it.

Then enjoy yourself tomorrow or the next few days with worndering HOW they managed to meet up with him having no burner phone.

And enjoy thinking about that. Remember the burner phone was bought with money that belongs to you TOO and he has no right to be spending funds on his affair since you are not D yet.