NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 1:39 AM on Thursday, October 16th, 2025
Heard this line on a show I was watching, and it triggered me. I think it's a load of nonsense.
"Love at first sight" is not love, it's attraction. Maybe you can't control attraction, but falling in love? That takes time and getting to know someone, and if your feelings are one-sided, then it's infatuation - again, not love.
I would agree to the statement that you can't force yourself to fall in love with someone, but I think you have the ability to prevent yourself from falling in love with someone, and you can open up to loving someone. My attitude comes from my parents being of Indian culture with arranged marriages as the norm. Their entire generation and all the ones before them weren't raised with the notion of falling in love as a prerequisite to a loving marriage. Love was expected to come *after* marriage, as long as both of you were decent people. Historically, I think this was the norm in other parts of the world too.
I realize that "love" is a complicated word with different meanings and layers of complexity, but I'm curious what you all think about this: do you believe that you can't control who you fall in love with?
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Separating.
HUM1021 ( member #6222) posted at 3:59 AM on Thursday, October 16th, 2025
Spot on. I hear this misconception from lots of college students.
Arranged marriages are a great example of developing love. The opposite, a vow of celibacy, is a very different example of refusing to develop romantic love.
We aren't little babies in our cribs who cannot control our desires.
Me: BS 34
Her: WS 33
M 5 years
dday with 1st OM 4/30/04 EA/PA
dday with 2nd OM 12/11/04 EA/PA
on the reconciliation rollercoaster
*This profile is 20 years old*
