SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi there,

I’m looking for some serious advice. I am super hyper vigilant I wake up with a pounding heart and really dark thoughts then I shame myself for those thoughts because it’s not me. It’s been over 2 years since I found out, I called off our wedding and I have been seriously lost since. Does this genuinely get better or am I wasting my time? My nervous system cannot calm down I’m worried about everything I have so much fear.

Shakenup

Even with the best of intentions then we would find it hard to give specific advice based on one post and the info you offer.
What I can tell you though is a couple of things:
For one, the decision of your partner to cheat has nothing do with you or what you are. It’s all about your partner and your partners faults. They cheat despite us, not because of us. Therefore NEVER accept any accountability for why they cheated.

Second: We don’t know if you two are still together, your gender, the situation, what happened, what has been done since... However... infidelity needs to be treated. I for one ignored MY pain, and it wasn’t until over 15 years later that I addressed the PTSD it gave me. Don’t ignore your emotions, but make sure you have some help in understanding them. Like if your partner has been ideal since d-day then your reactions need dealing with, but if little has changed then maybe it’s just your conscious warning you there is something going on.
More info would help us help you.

If you did opt to stay with your partner, as I did, I found that FWH was triggering just being there sometimes. No matter what, you'll have to heal from this whatever you choose.

It DOES get better, but you will have work your own healing. Time alone didn't do it for me. I had to get IC and EMDR to make a real difference.

I'm so sorry you're here.

Are you still with your partner?

If so. Is there a reason for that? Kids, house, business?

Yes I am still with my partner , we have a 5 year old boy and a life built together. Does there have to be external things in play for us to still be together? Sorry I’m just curious.

Our dday was August 2023 and I can honestly say my life has not been the same since. Does it actually get better? Can you actually heal and enjoy life?

Shaken up....sorry you find yourself here. What have you done since DD to heal and enjoy life? Without knowing what you have or haven't tried it's hard to o know how to answer your questions.

I haven’t don’t much really I’m stuck in fear.
I am on anxiety meds and do have a therapist but honestly it consumes my mind the what ifs etc.

Has your partner/husband/wife been remorseful? Have they gone no contact? So they talk about it with you or rug sweep?

My partner (male) me (female) has being doing a lot right but now I feel how do we talk about it since it’s been over 2 years. Absolutely zero contact. V remorseful but what do I do with all this pain and I question myself why would I want to stay even though I know I do but I’m so scared it can’t ever be what it was and I’m too stuck in my own head. When couples say their relationship is better than ever is that actually possible ?