SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

BW,

I am so happy for you!

Even though none of us ladies personally know each other I feel a closeness to all of you. This isn't a topic that we can discuss with just anyone.

Kristine,

I don't know what it is like in your state. But in my state the lawyer is handling EVERYTHING. Be sure to tell your lawyer everything that goes on.

In my state, since my H is represented, all correspondance goes to the lawyer.

Whore has been through 3 lawyers. The last one sent a notice of a hearing directly to my H. My H gave it to his attorney and he handled it. Actually, her attorney thought that my H would be in court with no representation. Whore's attorney was full surprised to see that he had representation.

Even though my H sued her initially to establish paternity, child support and healtcare. She has countersued him on various issues and lost them all. She keeps the legal stuff going just so she can see him. The last time she took the child. She thought she could force my H to look at the child in court. It didn't happen.

Anyway, unless the man has signed acknowledgement of paternity; the courts don't make you pay any CS until paternity has been established in my state.

I can't believe that in NY they make you start paying CS without proof of paternity. Did your H sign anything?

BeeTrayed-

I will be sure to keep posting. You ladies have helped me answer so many questions. I wish we did not have to meet this way.

I plan on going to the appointment with our lawyer with H. I am hoping I can be there for the court date. I will ask about the other lawyer when we see ours.

H is not facing the decision on what he wants to do if the OC is his. He says he cannot until the paternity is done. I think this makes it harder.

icando-

He does nto have to pay CS until paternity is established. I am assuming the court procedure just collects his financial info and then uses it if the paternity is positive. Why they do this now, I have no idea. May our lawyer will stop the CS hearing until the paternity is established. We will know next week when we see her.

The OW does not have a lawyer as far as we know. She just went to family court and filed the petitions. The OC is appointed a lawyer by the courts.

K,

The OW in my situation also went the family court route.

H had a good lawyer and got the CS numbers down. Perhaps yours can do the same.

Take care.

Kristine,

There are at least two of us ahead of you in NY courts so if you want info, let me know.

In our case the first hearing was for paternity. Our lawyer simply said H didn't know if the child was his and the judge ordered a paternity test and set the next court date for 8 weeks later.

At that court date the financial stuff was exchanged. Our lawyer argued w/ OW's but be warned...the NY judges just don't care. My H's TEMPORARY order is $1100 twice a month. He was ordered by the judge to try to negotiate a settlement and a new court date (yes 8 weeks again) was set.

I'm happy to give you any tips I have or answer your quesitons. PM me for info.

BW

BeeTrayed-

She did say she could get the numbers down. I am not sure how our unborn nany would play into this.

So your H got a lawyer 18 years ago and told you nothing? Wow.

"So your H got a lawyer 18 years ago and told you nothing? Wow."

Yeah, but you know what Kristine? I'm just about to the point where I can laugh about that now. Isn't that AMAZING?

The OW told me "I must be an amazing woman". I told her I'd been told that before, and probably just "bounce" better than average. H and I get a good laugh out of that email exchange now.

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 7:32 PM, September 18th (Monday)]

BeeTrayed-

You are a strong woman. I am sure I can learn from you.

There are several things that kept me going after D-Day. Some of you have heard them before:

1.There ain't *nothin'* more important than oxygen.

2.What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

3.Things are always darkest before they go pitch black!

4.Living well is the best revenge.

I knew these all before, but they really came to my rescue after OW spilled the beans. H & I have an even better marriage now. Why, "thank-you" OW!

BeeTrayed-

I am going to print those out and post them at my desk!

Kristine & BW,

Since you are expecting try your very best to be less stressed. In the end, your babies and children are what matter the most.

I know that I no longer have to deal with the OW and OC but I do still read everyones posts to keep up with what is happening with you all. You helped me so much when we thought the OC was my H's that I just have to know what happens with each of you.

BW- That is such good news. Take good care of yourself. Try not to get too stressed out as others have said. You need to concentrate on that little one you are carrying.

Kristine-

Stay strong. I didn't think I could deal with things either. I knew that if the child was my H's he would want contact as he had been having contact since she was born. I am thankful it turned out in my favor but I question if I would have been strong enough to deal with his continued contact with her had things turned out differently. If you love your H enough and know that he still loves you and only you, feel that he is telling you the truth- that nothing further is going on with OW and if you can work out visitations to where you can be there too, I have faith that you can make it. But you ahve to have the faith to in order to do it.

I continue to with all of you the best and Good Luck. If it is okay, I will continue to touch base to see how eveyone is.

Ladies,

I realize this is off topic but I just had to do a slight brag.For the first time in my life I had a New's Year's Resolution (to diet and work out) I'd never done either before seriously. I've always been an "easy keeper" in horse lingo but mid-life was rapidly catching up with me after having to be "neutered" last year.

Then along comes D-Day on 1/10 and BAM! I go from my New Year's resolution to what I began to refer to as the "I" Diet. (you guessed it..... the infidelity diet).

I am happy to report that I have gone from a high of 146 (size 12) to a low of 119 (size 4). I'm toned and I'm (dare I say it?)....HOT!

I bought a tee shirt that says "I'm still a hot babe, only now it comes in flashes!"

I feel GOOD.....and hubby can't keep his paws off me!

OK, I'm going back out to muck stalls now.

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 4:58 PM, September 19th (Tuesday)]

icando-

I am trying my best not to stress. It is so hard though.

Bee,

Do you suggest buying a horse after I deliver so that taking care of the horse helps me lose the baby weight? Maybe the OW in our life would like to apply for the job!

Congrats on your new hot self!

I went from 165 to 139 lbs. I lost a permanent 10 lbs. in the first 2 weeks. I have never gained a lb. back.

Kristine,

I know it is hard. But please just make up your mind that you will think positive and happy thoughts for the baby's sake. You want your baby to have peace and not to be upset. Even though none of it is your fault.

Maybe you could have a song, bible verse, phrase, etc... that you can read when you start feeling stressed. Read it when you have those thoughts to distract you.

I know what those thoughts are like. They are never ending have a life of their own thoughts. You go to bed with the thoughts, dream about them and wake up with a continuation of those thoughts. They just pick up where they left off at.

icando-

I am trying. I have lost 21 pounds since D-Day. My midwives are aware of the situation and say am doing fine physically. We see our baby again on October 11th and hopefully find out if it is a boy or a girl.

I am now actually eating and beginning to gain some eight back. I am going to try the son or verse thing. It seems like a good idea. Thanks.

BW,

Horses have always been my comfort and sanctuary. H has always known this, so I've had a LOT of horses since we married! It has kept me sane during all the times he could not be with me (in truth we have spent about 1/2 our marriage seperated (apart, not actually "seperated") due to his job).

After D-Day I would go out to the barn to reflect; I always came back in with my head and emotions in a better place. I have always said that when I die I want my ashes spread from the front end of a horse and the back end of a sailboat. (NOT the other way around!)

It is my sincere hope/wish that all of you here on this thread have something to comfort you as my horses/animals comforted me.

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 9:35 PM, September 19th (Tuesday)]

BTW, the OW found me *because* of my involvement with horses.

I'd say she is a horse's

a_ _,....but I'd be insulting my horses!

okay so it's been seven months since i found out,the kids already a year and she still hasn't filed for cs yet. she threatened to do it in february when she emailed him with pics.my h is in iraq, should i break nc and ask what her deal is? the wait is killing me!!!!!she emailed him in aug about the kids b'day and what a bad father he was being for not calling and how she was sooo disappointed in him.WTF!!!anyway i'm finally at the point where i think i can survive the marriage with whatever news comes but something makes me feel like this bitch has been lying the whole time, and i want to rub it in her face.i mean really what would stop her from following through with her allegations unless she had serious doubts.she had 3 kids already so i know money is tight, so what is the deal? i want this nightmare to end.my h doesn't want to petition her cause he thinks its money wasted cause he doesn't think it's his child but it's possible.i think the child looks like him from the pics but nothings definite like dna.i dream of being one of those wealthy vamps on soap operas that have the means to do the impossible like getting private detectives and such.wouldn't life be grand.