SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

**As for being innocent, I agree with you that the OC is innocent but it is not my job to care about the OC's innocence and his dependence. **

Over,

This is exactly my point. It is your responsibility. As a member of Society it is everyone responsibiliy to respect and care about other members of sociey (expecially the innocent). Your statement is what make Affairs so prominent in or society. Read it again. I bet your OW felt she had no responsibility to you when she was with your H. making it ok in her mine to do what she was doing...but i wasnt OK and you are walking around with the pain to prove that it wasn't OK. The same pain she caused you with her thought process is potentially the same pain you cause another huaman being because of you thought process. When and where dose it end.

You can call me an OW or what ever else you choose but I would rather be, feel and think like me than to have any of the thoughts or feelings I have read here.

For the record...I am not interested in you MM. I dont find men who cheat on their wives or abandon their children (OC or COM after divorce) fitting to be a part of my life.

AS for helpin my case...I took care of my shit the day I found out....I came here to learn how to help the OW in my stitch deal with what has happened. Not STOW fashion huh..

Stop bashing. If you have an issue with what someone is posting, bring it to a mod.

"I came here to learn how to help the OW in my stitch deal with what has happened."

Then *why* in the world do you continue to post on THIS thread? Please climb down off of your cross. Perhaps then the "bashing" will end.

I am really sorry but I don't agree that it is my responsibility to care for the OC. My responsibility is to care for my two children who once they learn the truth will be devastated. I don't hate the OC however I don't feel like I have the responsibity to care for her either. If society had done what society was suppose to do ethically and morally then she would not be here. The OW in my case new exactly who I was and who my children were. She got pregnant on purpose because she knew my husband won't leave his family so she twisted his arm and in the end she lost that gamble. She has to explain to her daughter how she short changed her from the beginning not me. I am totally comfortable never hearing from her as long as I live. Like I said earlier I had my children like you are suppose, to being married and very able to provide for them without My H support if need be. As a matter of fact I am the one supporting my family, including his sorry ass because after 21 years with the same company he lost his job for fratinizing. His stupidity along with her whore self not only ruined my life but also theirs in the process along with 3 innocent children and his career. And you still want me to feel responsible for the OC, I don't think so. I pray that the OC has more common sense then her idiot mother because she will hopefully be a productive member of society and I do feel sorry that she has the mother she does, so insecure that the only way she thought she could keep a man was to get knocked up by him even though he had a family. I also feel sorry that she doesn't have her father in her life but again it was not my doing and I am not willing to sacrifice my two children for her. Even though they together did this to me and I am in a lot of pain, I feel that I am better off then them because in the end I still have the love of my two beautiful children, I have the strenght God gave me to handle this. As far as i am concerned my H and the OW are the ones who got the short end of the stick. I really don't see how you are helping anybody in this thread by attacking what is said here. Most of it is just venting so that we don't go "postal" on the OW and our H. Are you yourself truly sorry and remorseful for what you did even though you didn't know, can you imagine how the wife will feel when she does find out and she will eventually, it could be tomorrow or 18 years from now but the truth has a way of surfacing.

[This message edited by overdone at 6:13 PM, September 17th (Sunday)]

Heres the deal.........and I'd suggest that you all read this. The next person that gets personal and bashes is gone. G O N E .........gone.

If you can't use this thread as a support thread then it will be gone too.

me&myoc

please leave this thread.

i don't know you personally so i will try and remain objective to the path in life you have chosen past and present but.....

i become agitated just reading the name you have chosen for yourself let alone your posts.

if you hope to help, enlighten (whatever) other OW, WHY?????? are you posting on this thread?!

all of us on this thread are trying to deal with an awful thing that has happened in our lives. i can only speak for myself when i say i am really NOT interested in the opinion of the OW. i know your not the OW in my case but you embody that person to me. do you understand what i mean?

i come here to read how everyone is doing and how they are handling things, i don't always agree but that's not the point. we are here for each other and we all manage as beat we can with the hand we were dealt.

can i say that reading your name and posts causes me to trigger and i am trying not to, on saturday it was one year from the day i found out about everything, it's hard enough right now.

i feel all of us, the BS', should be able to come to this one place we have and feel safe. i don' feel safe with you posting, as a matter of fact, i feel your recent set of posts has set me back. PLEASE no more. i am not saying this with malice, i'm saying it for my mental health and perhaps others as well.

BYW - we are in NC and i feel absoulutely NO responsibility towards the OC, innocent or not. we all make our choices, you included.

I apologize for starting a firestorm w/ my choice of words. My nightmare has kicked into high gear and while the choice of words was not the best, I will not take them back either.

The OW in MY situation is crazy. Last week at visitation she told my H that she didn't want the kid anywhere near ME (I'm the bad guy now...) but that he needed to be a "full time" father to the child. What? This week she emailed him that I'M a psycho and that we are both pathetic and that she will not subject HER child to US. Guess she's forgetting where she got the sperm from in the first place, huh? It's getting so ridiculous that we have reached out to our lawyer to handle this.

My H NEVER said he would not take responsibility if the child was his. It was proven by DNA and yesterday he handed her $1100 - the first of the semi-monthly payment. Her response? "Where's the rest of it?" Nothing is ever enough or good enough for her. Her favorite words are "I want" and rehashing that he didn't leave me for her. She actually brought this up at his first visitation w/ the OC while take at least 4 phone calls from the guy she's dating.

She is a typical youngest child. Spoiled, kicks and screams and throws a tantrum to get her way. We cannot live w/ her in our life.

If my H wanted the OC in our home, I would have to come to terms w/ it and adapt b/c at the very heart of the matter is that I love my H. I always have. He made a terrible, terrible mistake that eats him up. The fact of the matter is, he CAN'T have the OC in our lives b/c it means opening the door to the OW as well. The stress is so severe that he literally vomited after leaving her and the OC yesterday. That is no way to live. She chose to bring the OC into this world and it's her responsibility to care for it. My H had no say so in the fact that she chose to remain pregnant and give birth but now she is acting like the injured WIFE!

I'm sorry that MyOC&Me felt it necessary to personally attack me. I have nothing against her or her child. I am dealing w/ one OW/OC in my life and honestly don't need the stress of another, anonymous as it is. To personally attack me not only on this thread but by PM too, and tell me I DESERVE an empty womb is horrible IMO. I only hope that someday she regrets her words.

For those of you out there in my situation, I pray for you nightly and wish you all the best. For me, I'm going to enjoy my evening w/ my H and relish in the fact that yesterday we learned we are EXPECTING OUR FIRST CHILD.

Hugs,

BW

The situation is being taken care of by the moderators.

Nothing further on the subject needs to be said.

I understand all of your feelings and they are valid.

Let this thread be what it was intended to be now.

KDNY - thank you.

BW,

CONGRATULATIONS!

grin:

What a wonderful way to end these past few posts! I will keep my fingers crossed for the next NINE months!

BW

Congratulations!!!!! Hang in there with the OC/OW situation. Take care of yourself first and for most.

Overdone...thank you! I plan to take care of me and the tadpole! H is THRILLED and said he would make sure the OW does not upset me during this time. He is turning everything over to the atty so he never has to see her and take her abuse again.

BW

Sounds like the best thing to do. She thrives on getting inside your life, if you take that away from her she is just going to flip but who cares. Let her rot in the shithole she created. I hope your CS gets reduce, that is alot of money. Good luck

wow so queit for a while then wham lol.

I hope you all are doing well.

BW--

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

BIG congratulations and lots of happy hugs coming your way.

BetrayedWife-

Congratulations!!!!

We got the paperwork for paternity and child support for the OC. H told me that there was another guy who may be the father but of course all the paperwork points to H. We got a letter today from the court appointed attorney for the OC (NY State law). The first line states that the letter is from the attorney for YOUR child. It kills me.

I am not sure I can do this. I hate seeing things like this. People in the courts are assuming he is the father. Why? Why is the happening to me?

Worst case senario, H is the dad and he decides he wants contact. I am not sure I can do that. I want him to pay his financial obligation and walk away from contact. However, I know this probably will not happen.

It is a double edged sword. Either he decided to see the OC and it effects our family together or he decided to seek no contact and he regrets it compromising the OC right to have a father in her life.

The attorney's letter states that he needs to make an appointment to meet with H and also have a home visit. I am leaving it up to him to make the call. I am not forcing the issue.

I am spent. I am hoping I am a strong enough woman to go through this. I am not talking about my marriage. I am talking about the results of the paternity test.

Kristine,

Am I losing my mind or did you already post this?

It's not surprising you triggered when you saw that letter. It is a reality check slap in the face and hard to take emotionally.

As for the paternity results....keep breathing.(A friend use to say "there ain't nothin' more important than oxygen!) The waiting will be very hard, but once the results are in (good or bad) you can chart your course and not feel as powerless. H and you will decide what is and isn't acceptable for dealing with OW/OC and you will adapt and learn how to deal with it should you and your H wish to continue R.

Think of it as a tooth being pulled without novacaine. It's going to be painful but once it's done you should begin to feel better.

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst and you should get through better.

Take care.

BeeTrayed-

I did start another thread but did not hear from many. I should have just posted it here in the first place.

I am so scared. I hate having to wait for this. I hate having the potential to air all of our dirty laundry.

We have an appointment with the lawyer next week. She told me that they have the hearing and then schedule the paternity test at a later date. However, the CS hearing is before the paternity hearing. I just wish they would wait to determine paternity before having us fill out all this paperwork. I guess the way the courts work is funny.

I am going to mention to H about calling the OC's court appointed attorney like the letter said. If he does not, will that harm us?

Truthfully, Kristine, I do not know the answer to your question. Run that past your lawyer; that's what she's there for.

I do know that my H DID ignore a letter from an attorney demanding certain things for the OW/OC. However, at that point the court had decided the amounts, etc. and how it was to be paid, so H simply did not capitulate to further demands by the OW, despite her lawyer's request .

Since that is not yet the case with you I would err on the side of caution and call your attorney.

Remember, set the tone now as best you can. Dealing with this situation can be (hell, IS) very intimidating. You and your husband have rights (even though the BS is often not a party to the actual court proceedings), so make sure you protect them.

It WILL get easier. Many on this thread find the waiting to be one of the hardest parts. I know I did, though ultimately the OW never followed through with the DNA and I'm glad she didn't, (as she can now never definitively state that OC was H's).

Keep posting; we're here for you.

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 11:19 AM, September 18th (Monday)]