SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What did you break ?

Were you surprise ?

Have you ever broken anything before ?

I smashed the wedding ring and wedding pictures.

No, I have never smashed anything before.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 5:52 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

I had never previously smashed or destroyed things.

I found some "desk stuff" from her in a box in the basement. One was a mug from her town or origin, and I took that sucker out in the driveway and took a sledge to it, and turned it from mug to dust.

More importantly though I burned a LOT of stuff during R. Mainly healing letters I wrote to her, and my H. I would spew my nasty hatred and vile thoughts out on paper, and then burn them, symbolically letting go of the anger. It helped me.

Early on when I was pressing him, and he wasn't all in, he got pissed at me, while working on something in the garage and threw a wrench through a window. Dummy. He made a mess that had to be cleaned up and then had to get the window replaced. Which he did the next day.......That was pretty good sign that he wasn't all in on R at that point.....

I've never smashed anything before in my life, but once dday came along the anger inside me made me do a few things!

When I found out he was still in touch with OW#2, sent her a message while out with the boys asking how she is doing and called her a few times that night as well, I checked his phone in the morning because I had a gut feeling something happened. Yep, saw the message and the calls and I flipped out and smashed his phone on our bedroom wall and the pieces fell all over him and woke him up!

I found pictures of the two of them and she had bought him some shirts, so I asked him which ones she gave him and also took all the ones he had worn in those pictures and burnt them all in our hut in the backyard! Boy it felt good!

I did destroy our wedding photo in front of him, smashed the frame it was in and tore the photo into a hundred pieces.

have I destroyed before, no

It wasn't surprising when someone rips your world from you, that is a different kind of anger.

Proceed with caution as you go through this thread.

Make sure you have goggles, thick clothing, and a good pair of shoes.

There may be glass and debris flying everywhere.

Also, watch where you step.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 2:22 PM, January 9th (Monday)]

I was a smasher/breaker thirty years ago, and had a bad temper as a kid, so yes, I've broken my share of "stuff" before. My monster has laid dormant until the A's. Seriously. I was somewhat even keel.

But over the years and affairs, I've:

*Smashed his cell phone to tiny bits with an ax on the front porch

*Beat a printer/scanner and other computer parts to death using his midi keyboard in the den

*Kicked mirrors so badly that I broke my toe (and had to have surgery)(plus it was 3 mirrors, so, 21 years bad luck!)

*Ripped to shreds the terrible novel the AP wrote and gave as a gift to my WH. Then I spit on it, peed on it (yes, I really did!), and threw it in the trash trailer.

*Took my really sharp sewing scissors and cut his favorite dress shirts (the ones he was wearing the nights he was with her) to ribbons. Then I hung those shirts back on the hangers in the closet.

I thought my anger issues were under control, but this A stuff has released them. I hate it that I'm an uglier person inside because of all this shit.

I never broke anything, but did leave behind all gifts he gave me during the affair when I moved. Not that there was much.

The worst thing I did was let the dog lick leftovers he had the nerve to bring home from their dinner dates, while he refused to allow DD or I to purchase groceries (he drained the accounts & I didn't have a job. DD was getting P/T min. wage at that time). I'm not proud to say I also knocked every peach off our peach tree when OW posted pics of her and my then STBX making a recipe I used to make with them.

Until his A came to light, I don't think I had ever destroyed anything at all, at least that I can remember.

But since DDay? Oh, this is a long list and it's just some off the top of my head.

-His favorite sweatshirt. I had bought it for him and it had nothing to do with the A, but one day I was in an angry place, and that shirt got ripped to shreds. It may not sound like much, but that sweatshirt was irreplaceable and it really meant something to him.

-On 3 different occasions (the night of DDay being one of them), I have ripped every single piece of clothing out of his closet. Buttons flying, hangers in a heap, I couldn't stop until every last item was out.

-Too many wine glasses and coffee cups to even dare to count. Also several plates that I bought cheap just so I could smash them.

-A very expensive huge retro cooler (think of the old coca-cola coolers on wheels) that I had gotten him for his birthday less than 3 weeks before DDay. I kicked that cooler down the deck stairs then went into the garage and got a sledgehammer and beat the crap out of that thing.

-Our wedding album. I didn't really destroy it, but I did take all of the pictures out of it and then threw it in the trash. He retrieved it, but I still don't know or care where it is.

Those are just a few things that I can think of right now. That kind of anger frightened me, and I don't think I'm past it yet. But, on the bright side, it's been about 3 months since my last rampage, so maybe things are looking up.

[This message edited by carriemcsky at 2:13 PM, January 9th (Monday)]

I used to keep all the cards, mementos and gifts that my exWW gave me during our 17 years together.

When the divorce was final, I collected all of them (and anything else of hers she left behind), planning to burn it all in the backyard. However, I realized that was far more ceremonious than it deserved, and too much like what a lovesick teenager would do, so I just bagged it up and put it in the trash instead. No anger, no tears, no shitty goth poetry about the ashes left behind...and best of all, no need to fix a patch of dead grass in the backyard.

I've never destroyed any of our stuff prior to dday.

A few weeks after finding out, we were in the middle of packing up our house to move. I found a box in storage that dated back to the A - and it had been years ago. But she still had pictures of the two of them, and pictures of him with our sons - no naked weird stuff, the sad irony is AP's wife took the pictures, she was in the same boat as me, thinking we were all just friends.

Anyway, the photos broke my normal cool and calm. No one was home, no small animals were harmed but I went into Incredible Hulk mode. Hulk smash. Hulk smash everything.

Bookcases, storage bins, storage shelves and whatever items got in the way. Ten minutes later it looked like a couple concussion grenades went off in that room that was hip deep in broken bits and papers.

I felt great.

But it was really hard to go back in and pack that room for the move.

No fire or cutting up stuff - but smash. Smash was good.

Yep. I did my share of smashing and burning. I threw a flower vase with flowers he bought me against the bedroom wall and water and flower rained down upon him. I kicked a plant he bought me out the backdoor and when it didn't break, I went outside and kicked it some more. I burned all the bed linens in the backyard. When I finally packed his stuff, I put dog pooh in his boots and brushed the toilet with his tooth brush and pack them in the bags with his clothes. I wrote many letters that I burned, but never sent. I am over it now, but I got crazy a few times.

First time he ever cheated ( that I know of ), I gathered all his clothes and shoes and had myself a nice big bonfire out in the backyard BBQ pit. I was devastated, it helped a tiny bit.

This last time, I went and had the SUV I bought and gave him ( I had just bought a new car ) towed and sold. He let that trick keep all her clothes and stuff in a car I worked my ass off to buy, hardball time. Threw her shit in a dumpster and took my car back.

I allowed him to drive me crazy, not proud of it at all

Someone on SI recommended the Frozen Plate technique. Freeze water in a cheapie metal pie pan. When you're FURIOUS, take out that Frozen Plate (take it out of the pie pan) and smash it on the cement patio or driveway or garage. It makes a very satisfying smash sound, and feels good to throw it down hard.

Plus there's no remorse upon clean up (cause let's face it, whenever I've smashed glass stuff, and left it for Wayward to clean up, he has never done it), as there's nothing to clean!

It's not quite the same as smashing up *their* stuff, but it does feel pretty good when you throw those suckers down with a primal scream.

I smashed and destroyed our wedding picture that was hanging on the wall, and tore the pages out from our wedding album that had my family on them (thinking I was only going to keep those ones).

I smashed another picture on the wall that belonged to him, glass everywhere (he cleaned it up).

I knocked a lamp over and damaged it a bit.

With hindsight what I SHOULD have done that would have really hurt him (to the point I am not sure he'd forgive me, ironically enough) is to take an axe to his piano. If he tried anything like this again, that is what I will be doing.

A teapot, cut up his final Anniversary card which was written begrudgingly anyway. I kept the pieces..... also sold all the jewelry he gave me that isn't part of my children's inheritance..... had to pay the debts he left behind.

I threw a small TV across the room the day I found out. And it was not the thin TVs – one of the ones that was very deep and heavy.

I'm not sure how I did it, because I was bedridden with mono at the time.

Yeah, I guess I can remember how I did it – that was being that much distraught on my part – I probably could've thrown a small car!

I am a very loving person but i dont know how much more i can take im about to break the posom face thats about the only thing i want to break lmao

[This message edited by Lost82 at 6:10 PM, January 9th (Monday)]

Odd twist, but my smashing story had a happy ending. Never been a smasher prior to this. We had a random old post (4x4) sunk in concrete in the back yard the previous owner put there for who knows what. We rented a big construction dumpster two months after D-Day and were "cleaning all the crap out of our lives". The day they were supposed to pick it up I decided I wanted that post gone...and I was running out of time.

I went at it with a pick axe (safety glasses, kids). It took me over an hour to break up the concrete enough to pull the post out. It was hard work. I ended up out there shirtless and sweating like a pig, seeing OM's face every time I swung the pick. Don't know what it was for, but that post was sunk in TWO FEET of concrete.

As an aside, I lost 20 pounds the year prior to D-Day (just diet). 20 more since (infidelity and exercise). I've been hitting the gym so I'm in the best shape I've been since we met and weigh what I did senior year of high school.

I didn't realize fWW was watching me out the window until she came out and basically catcalled me. She doesn't know it, but I was so angry out there until she did that. Then I just felt good. I got the last of the concrete in the dumpster about ten minutes before they picked it up and then had a shower. When I got out of the shower, fWW was waiting and pounced on me like a tiger. So yeah, that was fun. Constructive, angry rampage leads to amazing HB sex. Good day.

I smashed a piece of furniture another night in a not-constructive, angry rampage (no sex that time) and punched a hole in a door. I think that's about it.

ETA: Forgot to answer the last question. Yes, it has shocked me. Not so much smashing things, but the level of rage I've felt, mostly towards OM. I've seen a side of myself I never wanted to meet. It's crazy-making stuff.

[This message edited by bh1977 at 7:48 PM, January 9th (Monday)]

A pineapple, a watermelon, a lamp, an alarm clock, a window. And I spiked our landline phone more times than I can remember...But that damn thing still works. Very impressed...

I have never been a violent person.

However, on d-day #1, I burned the "williesdad memorial library", which was a 4 foot tall stack of playboys that he kept in a closet. I was so mad that I also drug our picnic table off the porch and and tossed it on the blaze. I hated that table.

We had employees, and the next morning they all came to work and walked right past that smoldering pile without comment. They knew what had happened and knew well enough to steer clear of me.