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Too much pain and sorrow

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Sharkman posted 9/2/2017 14:58 PM

Yes, nobody will fault you for wanting that. It's not revenge, it's that for the last year you have had every decision made for you in the most unethical way known to man. For you to want to make the next move is just a small, important step for you to.... feel better about yourself.

That momentary panic that she'll get when getting served is admittedly only a micro-percent of what you had when, for example, you opened up that loser's scribblings on that page. It's important for you to take a little (proverbial) punch back to her face. Co-parenting will be very tough and if she knows you'll stand up for yourself everything will be mor eon the up-and-up.

So yeah, just play it 180, file and then move on with life as fast as damn possible.

arbuom posted 9/2/2017 15:00 PM

I wanted some opinions on execution day.

I was initially going to explain to WW how we got here, and then drop the news on her. But now I'm not sure I should even bother.

I'm leaning towards:

"I've tried everything to make this work, and you've made it clear that you don't love, and never will! So I'm done."

Any suggestions?

trustedg posted 9/2/2017 15:11 PM

I don't think you need to say much at all.

goalong posted 9/2/2017 15:21 PM

I was initially going to explain to WW how we got here, and then drop the news on her. But now I'm not sure I should even bother.

I think reverse is appropriate if post 'serving papers" warrant/lead to such discussions (without anger or much emotions)

OrdinaryDude posted 9/2/2017 15:40 PM

I'm not sure I would bother discussing or forewarning her of anything...let her continue to think you are just going to let it go until the process server shows up with papers for her.

You didn't get any warning that she was considering an EA, why should she get any warning of divorce papers.

File, have her served, observe fallout while you move forward with the D.

Let her panic, etc, while you are a cool cucumber because you prepared.

Remember, you owe her nothing in the way of consideration.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 3:41 PM, September 2nd (Saturday)]

MidnightRun posted 9/2/2017 15:47 PM

Why explain the reason for D? It's obvious.

bobdobalina posted 9/2/2017 15:50 PM

I don't think id bother explaining anything unless it's an outlet for you as she seems to thrive on your pain
Let it be known your going to get medically checked that might be blow to her ego and shred that book he ruined the holiday with by tainting it with secret messages and hand it to her
Mind you I think I would of packed the kids up and drove home leaving her to read it alone
Did you ever contact this posom regarding any of this his world seems to be just all cruisy after destroying and torturing you for this amount of time

arbuom posted 9/2/2017 19:25 PM

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

I'll see what my lawyer suggest this week, and take it from there.

Man, I must say that I'm not ready for the shit storm of divorce. It's not like I haven't suffered enough! I feel absolutely empty. I was reading with DS1 for bedtime, and he told me that I'm the best Dad in the world, and that he loves me more than I love him. That poor boy is gonna be so crushed, it completely breaks my heart. Life is gonna suck for the first while, there is no doubt about that, but I hope I can get through this to a happier place sooner rather than later.

I also really hope that WW can reunite with POSOM (if she hasn't already), because what a fucking waste of a perfectly good family if she's not gonna end up with him!?

bobdobalina posted 9/2/2017 20:04 PM

The gorgeous comment made by your son should of gave you the strength right there to jump the fence into the positive side and get what you can out of this
You havnt lost a family you are still their father and they need you to be strong and positive ,not to watch their dad spiral into a deep hole where they cant reach you
Whats with the i hope they end up together could you really stand him turning up picking up the kids on a visit

Sharkman posted 9/2/2017 20:21 PM

Nobody wants to do what you have to do. Sometimes we're all called onto to strap on our big boy pants and get it done.

You did nothing to hurt your son. Your wife did.

[This message edited by Sharkman at 8:21 PM, September 2nd (Saturday)]

Hylton7 posted 9/2/2017 20:39 PM

how old are your kids?

GoingCrazyNow posted 9/2/2017 20:41 PM

My biggest concern were my kids as well- it broke my fuckin heart thinking about what my WW had done to our family. School is starting soon, and I have my kids all week long and the bitch will only get them every other weekend. She will be paying me child support- even though her lazy ass only wants to work 15 hours a week, which I'm sure the judge will love to hear f it goes to trial. I am my kids "rock", as my Psychiatrist said - your Kids need a "rock"'too, and that person is you! They will know full well what happened once they get older and see your stability vs your crazy STBEx. The kids really are the ones that unknowingly suffer. Just be the best Dad you can be, and everything else will work itself out. Go to the gym and pump some iron if you don't or haven't been already, you would be amazed at how much better it will make you feel using your pain and frustrations as motivation. I've been addicted to the gym for the past 3 months and I'm in the best shape I've been in 20 years now; and I ain't finished- doubt I ever will be.

Good luck man, I'm pulling for your amicable settlement which is a pipe dream in my situation.

Good luck man

[This message edited by GoingCrazyNow at 8:45 PM, September 2nd (Saturday)]

arbuom posted 9/3/2017 03:44 AM


Whats with the i hope they end up together could you really stand him turning up picking up the kids on a visit

Fuck them! The ultimate triumph for me is to not let anything she does affect me in the least from now on....

arbuom posted 9/3/2017 03:47 AM


You did nothing to hurt your son. Your wife did.

Thank you, brother! Your tireless support to me and others on SI is greatly appreciate.

arbuom posted 9/3/2017 03:48 AM


My two boys are 8 and 6.

arbuom posted 9/3/2017 03:59 AM


You made me cry brother.

I can't imagine a mother agreeing to only see her children once every other weekend. I think that says it all about your STBX. I suspect my biggest battle with my STBX will be the kids. It will most certainly destroy her if I end up getting them 50% of the time.

I hope to start IC soon. I may have found a good therapist. I’ve tried two already, and they were horrible.

One foot in front of the other…

Chappie posted 9/3/2017 08:52 AM

Google They may have some suggestions and they are pro father. As you know, fathers often get the short end of the stick in many states.

For example, in their adds here, the say a competent attorney will subpoena all the wife's social media, text, and email records. While a state may have no fault divorce, adultery can make a difference in custody. You also have a stronger case to keep him or other men away from your kids.

What state do you live in? The different states have dramatically different laws regarding custody, adultery and spousal support..

Trtroles posted 9/3/2017 08:52 AM

I am going to be honest with you OP,this was painful to read.

She played you so good and she is still doing it.
She brings OM to your house,swims with him almost naked and she did this in front of you and YOUR KIDS. like wtf.
Then she goes and have a Valentines Day with him. Brings his book to you vacation. Dont let me start on her actions during New Year...
Every time you want to talk about your marriage she makes a fool of you,sorry.
She is not good woman.
Sorry to say this but They had sex and plenty of it.
You really need to man up and start looking for yourself.
Serve her with D papers because you deserve a better woman.
Take care

GoingCrazyNow posted 9/3/2017 11:05 AM


Yep, my STBEX is a piece of work. She didn't want me to have majority custody because she couldn't afford to pay me CS! I was like "and you think I can with the mortgage, childcare, healthcare and everything else I pay out for every month?!?!?" She was only thinking about herself, she puts on a good charade of acting like she cares about the kids, but she is so up in the POSOM's ass, that she chooses him over them. I took them to the beach last weekend (which was her weekend), and asked if she wanted them this weekend for a day or two because it is a holiday weekend and they start school Tuesday. She threw the biggest fit because "last weekend" was hers, so I have them this weekend- and told me to stop trying to make her feel guilty; UH HELLO? You should feel guilty. It was just code for "I'm going out of town with my POSOM and he's more important than seeing my kids"- I told her I drop everything for imy kids and she's a POS.

She was not like this in the beginning so I hope your WW does not follow a similar path.

arbuom posted 9/3/2017 14:07 PM


Thanks for all your help buddy!

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