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I am engaged update

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Greeneyesbluezy posted 8/1/2019 17:31 PM

Oh For!!!

So good to see you continue to post in NB!

You know I hate what you’re going through, but your strength and attitude and the love you receive and give, is your superpower.

I’ll continue to pray to our Father and I send you tons of healing strength.

Happiest of birthdays to your beautiful daughter!!

Ps: the dress will make you cry (because MMS is wearing it).

ohforanewme posted 8/2/2019 14:29 PM

I know that sometimes on this I sound like a stuck record. (Is that a figure of speech that is still understood these days?)


But thanks all.  I wish that there was some way that I could let each of you understand the extent to which your support has helped me through some of the toughest challenges a man could ever be asked to face.


I am  having a bit of an internal struggle between my post A commitment to brutal honesty and my view that NB should be a place of good news.  I've had a couple of crappy weeks. For some of this week that has been rather literal. I had a capsule endoscopy. It requires a purging of the digestive tract, just like in preparation for a colonoscopy, so you are given medication that seems to convince your anus that it needs to try and mimic the other side. 


Yesterday I also was given confirmation that my next episode of being turned into a radioactive superhero wannabe and more time in my favourite tube,  will be the Sunday to Tuesday of the week we are back from the lodge, and just before DD and I leave for our right of passage Dad and Daughter trip.

But there is a far deeper reason that this week has been so tough.


There is a deep sadness in MMS and my hearts. Deeper than we have ever felt.  It is mixed with fear and trepidation.

We heard last  Friday  that my chemo buddy passed away.

On my 1s day of chemo, her  and her sister  in law (her support carer) realised that MMS and  I  were  newbies.   They  took  us  under  their  wings.   They  became  our  guardian  angels  and  beacons  of  hope through the chemo journey. They answered all the questions we had without us having to ask them.  They explained the horror that I was going to go through,  but gave the comfort that as terrible as it is,  we all get through it.  

When my chemo cocktail put me  out, they kept MMS company.

They laughed, and smiled and joked and shared. They lived, and loved, They were the picture of unbridled joy and life. 

They were my inspiration. They made me believe that I did not need to stop living because I had cancer. Quite the contrary, because you have cancer, you need to live to the full. Every breathing movement.

And now my chemo buddy. My inspiration, is no longer there. That laugh. That naughty grin in the chair next to mine. Gone.

And to make it worse, last Thursday was one year since my 1st day of chemo. 1 year since I first met her. 

This week my world has been a poorer place.

But  I must  remember the lesson she taught me.  A little later today we leave for our 2 weeks at the lodge.  A week after that it is our Dad and Daughter right of passage adventure. 

So, while I have some challenges, if I look at my life on balance, the good far outweighs the bad by like 20 to 1, so how can I be anything but thankful 

Cooley2here posted 8/2/2019 14:55 PM

(((((((Ohforanewme))))))). Sending giant hugs. I am so sorry for your loss. Friends are the jewels in our lives and you had the blessing of the top of the line.

WhoTheBleep posted 8/2/2019 17:34 PM

(((OhFor)))

Safe travels, friend.

BearlyBreathing posted 8/4/2019 22:58 PM

So sorry for the loss of your friend. But glad to hear you will honor your friend by living as fully as possible. Enjoy the travels, keep fighting, and know you have a global
Support team rooting for you!

steadychevy posted 8/5/2019 07:32 AM

I just noticed this thread, ohfor. Thanks so much for updating.

The week you spent in seclusion with MMS sounds euphoric. I remember when you broke down in the supermarket picking out mushrooms. Do you remember the cautions about not reading too much into her (MMS's) actions and now look at you?

I'm surprised, too, that the source of your illness can't be identified. I know nothing of medicine or oncology but it seems that finding the location should be possible.

You've been through so much and you hold on to such a thankful and positive outlook. Character through and through. So much evidence of that since we met through the internet. Your children exhibit the influence as does your "adopted" daughter.

Bless you sir. I will continue to pray.

squid posted 8/5/2019 11:01 AM

I'm sorry for the passing of your friend, ohfor.

Continue making memories with your loved ones. You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

Shockedmom posted 8/6/2019 00:21 AM

Very sorry for your loss Ohfor.

I hope your time at the lodge is filled with wonderful new memories sprinkled with gales of laughter and lots of love.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 8/12/2019 13:10 PM

My deepest condolences for the loss of your chemo buddy (((HUGS))).

I can't help but think about the HAPPINESS that YOU brought into HER life . There is a quote that comes to mind from Milton Hershey:

"One is only happy in proportion as he makes others feel happy and only useful as he contributes his influences for the finer callings in life."

YOU did this for your chemo buddy Dear Sir...she felt useful and happy because of YOU. I am sure she felt just as much love for you as you did for her...and in the end...love is all that matters .

Booyah posted 8/13/2019 06:06 AM

Just now seeing your latest update.

So sorry to hear about your friend Ohfor. By your description she sounds like a wonderful woman who taught you some valuable lessons that you have taken to heart and will remember the rest of your life.

Have fun on your trip with DD!!

Look forward to next update.

God bless Ohfor.

northeasternarea posted 8/13/2019 07:03 AM

So sorry for the loss of your friend,

20yrsagoBS posted 9/5/2019 21:22 PM

OFANM,


How are you doing? How are you doing after the passing of your chemo buddy)

Please check in

GraceLove posted 9/6/2019 19:47 PM

Although I hadn't followed your story, I have to say I wept when you described your time away for your vacation. How beautiful.
You give me hope that true love does exist.
Wishing you all the best.

ohforanewme posted 9/10/2019 11:13 AM

You will know that I like to acknowledge the thoughts you share with me and reflect back what they have meant to me. I have a very limited window of access so I hope I will have your understanding if I don't do it this time. 


Also,  to ensure that no one thinks that I live this charmed life of only ease and laughter,  the week between our time at the lodge and then leaving for the adventure with DD was awful.  Just awful.  On both a physical health, as well as mental level. Possibly the worst of my life.  Other than of course,  the infidelity stuff that XWW chose to heap on me. 


And, if any WW ever ventures down here,  especially one whose BH has given the gift of R, please know that you will never know, or understand, the magnitude of awful that you have inflicted on your BH by your selfish choices. The awful of infidelity is far, far worse than even the crappiest crap that cancer can ever throw at you. 


But enough of that. 


We are two thirds through our epic Dad and Daughter trip, and already our heads are bursting with more magical moments, more momentous memories, more "dreamed of doings" than any one man should ever be entitled to in a single lifetime.


We have snorkeled what is billed as the best preserved corral, directly and easily accessible, straight off a beach.


We have walked in the footsteps of Indiana Jones. And then gotten to do that again, in the dark of night, with the secret way lit only by a path of a thousand candles (actually, over 1500, it just didn't sound as nice in the text).


We got to visit Mars and experience its "warm"  hospitality.


We have been depressed. Very, very depressed. The lowest one can go. Quite literally. Thankfully, it was physical rather than emotional. And at the same time had body and spirit buoyed by a wonder of nature. 


We found that time machine that everyone wishes for, and took it to a time and place 4000 years ago, where we got to walk, trying desperately, and surprisingly, succeeding, in blending in with the locals, on the actual streets of their pilgrim way and market places. We even got invited into the home of a wealthy family. Were shown, with particular pride, their elaborate and envied crockery services, as well as their source of greatest pride, and the source of greatest coveting, of ALL the neighbours, the indoor toilet.  Well, it was 4000 years ago. It was only just as we were leaving, when we saw the official seals in pride of place on the shelf, that we realised we had been hosted by the king's advisor, actually named in ancient texts. 


As an engineer,  I got a special treat.  The city utility engineer bragged to me about his latest project.  A rather special water project for the city. Hand chiseled through hard rock, deep within a mountain. With work starting from either end.   Running at least 500m in length. And meeting perfectly in the middle. Had to get my feet wet on that one, well actually right up to my thighs,  in the pitch black of the belly of the mountain. It was worth it though. I begged him to share his secret of the technology that he used to achieve it, but he declined. 


We were then immersed in the cacophony of belief systems. The chanting.  The wailing. The bells. All combining in a positive, possible picture of what might be,  if lives were actually lived according to the tenants of the faiths.


We still have to sail a wooden fishing boat across the sea.  And sip coffee, to the melancholy tune of a lonely saxophonist, as the sun sets over another sea.  Not sure how I am going to make space in this head of mine for those memories.


There have been other meaningful moments.  Very different ones. But equally as important as the others.  Moments of honesty,  vulnerability, acceptance. Moments of intense closeness.  


My health has steadily declined over the duration of the trip.  At the beginning I tried to hide it.  Tried to push myself through the wall of fatigue that hit each day,  and not let DD see it.  I didn't succeed.  Even put some of our experiences at risk.  She could plainly see the disorientation that happens when it hits.  I could see the recognition in her eyes.  


One such moment is burned into my memory.  Early on in the trip we encountered a small, practical problem.  As many of you will know,  I was quite a wiz with maths and physics. I immediately recognised  that the problem could easily be solved using simultaneous equation. I was even able to quickly jot down the equations.  But then my mind froze.  For the life of me I could not remember how to solve simple simultaneous equations. I tried to force the thoughts through this thick treacle of darkness in my head,  but nothing.  I began to panic. DD saw, she knew what was happening.  She had seen it before but had been able to pretend she had not.  She gave me time until it was clear that it was not going to happen,  just get more terrifying for me. She put her hand on mine,  said, "its okay dad", and solved it in an instant.  


From then on I I learned to lean on her. She has taken responsibility  for keeping us to schedule.  Making sure we make departure times.  Checking bills and keeping the budget.  Dealing with all interactions with others.  Only now do I realise how much strain those had become for me with these challenges I have.  Not having to burn energy on those means that I have more energy to get through the day, and we get to fill more of it with savouring the richness of what life is gifting us right now. 


Is not one of the greatest worries of a parent, whether they have adequately equipped their child for life so that they are able to be confident,  competent adults able to deal with life's challenges and make a positive contribution.  Well I got to see that I have nothing to worry about on that front.  When it is my time to take my leave,  2PP are going to be just fine. 


I keep asking myself this question over and over,  "why am I so blessed?"


And then,  I  made a promise a while ago that I have been a little late in honouring. 


We have a date! It will be the 14th of December.  A little longer away than either of us wanted,  but a significant date for us both. 

WhoTheBleep posted 9/10/2019 14:40 PM

(((Ohfor))

Your words are lyrical, as always, and once again have brought tears to my eyes.

There aren't even words to describe the feelings you invoke in all of us as we read of your life and adventures and love most of all.

Well I got to see that I have nothing to worry about on that front. When it is my time to take my leave, 2PP are going to be just fine.

Of course they are. Impossible to imagine any child losing their way having had you to guide them all these years. Well-done, sir. You have every right to be proud.

Odonna posted 9/10/2019 14:56 PM

O4,

Thanks for spending a bit of your precious time in giving us an update. This rite of passage for DD is such a special thing. And she is learning to function as an adult in the world. And she is able to give you the gift of caring for you and taking on the little tasks of travel that sap you of energy. This time will be a foundation for her future self. Your parenting will be with her all her life.

You are living a great life my friend!

[This message edited by Odonna at 3:00 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 9/10/2019 19:56 PM

What a beauty journey, filled with all the wonder, beauty, and discovery anyone could imagine!
December 14 - so glad you have a date.

Enjoy life, take care of you, and beam in the knowledge that you raised beautiful people.

-BB

Shockedmom posted 9/12/2019 01:53 AM

Thank you for sharing these moments with us. You are a gift to those lucky enough to read your words and for a moment take a virtual walk beside you. Continued safe travels and please share when time permits.

Booyah posted 9/13/2019 04:28 AM

O4 good to hear from you.

Wonderful memories being made but the best thing about all of it is the two of you just being together.

Looking forward to your next update.

squid posted 9/13/2019 09:08 AM

ohfor,

Thank you for the update. Always amazing seeing you still living your best life, despite setbacks.

Of course I'm not surprised you've raised a wonderful daughter. Can't wait for the next update.

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