SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I intended to post this to my previous thread but found that it has been closed.

I think it appropriate that I post an update to my "I am engaged" thread.

I know first hand want an incredible place this is. Truly the most caring community. Folk who actually take an interest in you and what is happening in your life. I apologise to all of those who have shown such concern for me, for any worry that my extended absence has caused. I have had a run of tough weeks.

In late May, MMS took me to a little patch of heaven. It is a place we visited early last year. I attempted to describe it in a thread of Mrs Life that I was contributing to at that time.

You know that you have found an incredible life partner when you can spend a week together, isolated in nature. In a croft. Secluded half way up a mountainside. Just the two of you. No TV, no internet, no cell signal. The only entertainment at night, watching the flames in the fireplace, and each other’s conversation. And when the week is over, you wish it had just begun. It was bliss. We made plans for the future, reflected on the past 2 years. Had the opportunity to honestly thank each other for all that we have been able to share and do. And made wedding plans.

Thankfully that was as good as it was because soon after we got back I caught an early season flu which had me flat for several weeks. I was just feeling better by Father’s Day weekend. Over here, the Monday after Father’s Day Sunday was a pubic holiday, so my crew decided to make it a 3-day Father’s Day for me. Boy was I spoiled. Has to be my best Father’s Day ever. The thought crossed my mind that they were thinking that they don’t know how many more Father’s Days they will have with me so they were going to give this one all they had. And to crown it, I was given the best Father’s Day present I think any father has ever been given, and it was not even from one of my kids. It was from DDF, some of you might remember her. The young girl who had been abandoned by her dad on her 18th birthday, and who I then helped to get a place at university for the specialised course she wanted to study.

Again, thankfully my Father’s Day was that good. The week that followed was hell. A new oncologist has joined my care team. He is an academic research professor. His special area of interest is palliative cancer care. He requested a whole range of additional blood and urine tests in an attempt to locate the primary site of my cancer. Those took up that next week. One required 3 days of restricted diet. That also meant no painkillers. As luck would have it. I suffered severe headaches over those 3 days. No fun I tell you. My only comfort was a heated bean bag against the neck and temples. But I survived that.

The test confirmed NETs, but we were no closer to identifying the primary site. So the doc suggested that I undergo another, extensive MRI. I spent an inordinate amount of time in that damn narrow tube, with ship builders hammering in rivets all around my head. Not fun for anyone, but sheer terror for a claustrophobic. I was dreading it. Reached out to some folk, and through the collective of good vibes, mojo, and prayers, I made it through without panic. Completely calm in fact.

Unfortunately, I received an email from the doc late this last Sunday. Nothing showed up, so now he wants me to have a capsule endoscopy and then an MIBG scan. That last one is another nuclear scan with more radioactive poison injected in your veins. Thing is, this is potentially more damaging radioactive stuff and it can take up to 3 consecutive days in that damn, noisy, narrow tube.

So yes, my life continues to be interesting, but this is NB. This is supposed to be where we post good news that lifts the spirits, so; let’s forget all of that and get onto the important stuff. I am not married yet. For me, every day I wake up and say to her, “Lets make it today!” You see, I want to die a happily married man. She stubbornly refuses. She says that she is not stupid. Will not give me any excuse to throw in the towel early. It is as important to her, and she wants it to be everything that she has ever dreamed it to be. (and that from a woman that in the early stages, when we were still just “rescued, incompetent shopper”, and “coffee friend”, told me that she had no interest in marriage, “What, after all, protection did being married give you from infidelity?”). It must be on a day that holds significance to us. We must be surrounded by friends. We must be surrounded by beauty.

So, what do we have? The dress has been chosen. I have been told, by the collective womanhood, that it is beautiful, but I am not allowed to see it. We have the venue. It will be a destination wedding. In the mountains. We will be surrounded by our growing circle of friends, and those who have become family to us like J. The date? Well, she wanted September 1. The official start of our spring. Such a powerful symbol of all things new and vibrant. The problem with that is that many, many years ago I made a commitment to DD to do a rather special Dad and Daughter adventure when she turns 18. 18 is a very special birthday down here. Legal driving age. Legal drinking age. Legal voting age. Age of legal majority. Despite my health issue, DD is not letting me off on that one either, so over the end of August and the first weeks of September, DD and I will be embarking on an adventure of epic proportions. One bucket list item after the other. Because of my heath, we have had to forgo our original planned destination. It would have required multiple flight connections, very long flights, a significant time difference, and the most challenging, dad doing long distances on a motorcycle. We have had to make compromises, and special arrangements. We will fly business class. The flight time will be around 8 hours. No time difference. I will have wheelchair assistance through the airports. We will have a private driver throughout the trip. But we both agree that what we have come up with in not only easily equivalent to what the original was, but way, way better.

And we still don’t have a date.

Will let you know as soon as we do. Promise.

What a whirlwind of events!!!

That is so crazy that after all that, they can't find the source.

Do they not offer open MRI's there? I haven't had that sort done but I heard of others who have due to claustrophia. Maybe they are only an option for certain types of MRIs. Like you, I have only endured those tiny tube ones full of pings, bangs and clicks. To make it worse, our little hospital was donated a pediatric MRI machine (we didn't have one) so the tube was even tinier!!!

And to crown it, I was given the best Father’s Day present I think any father has ever been given

OH man.....how can you leave us hanging like that????? WHAT WAS IT???

I've never posted in your threads, but I read, with awe, all of your painful stuff, and all of your beautiful stuff. I felt I knew you.

Then you stopped posting. I feared the worst, but I checked up regularly to see if you'd be back. And today you ARE back. :) And with some great news.

Your bucket list is being tackled. Keep at it, it's one of your raisons d'etre. You are building amazing memories for yourself and your loved one.

Thank you for inspiring many of us. You are an amazing person.

Hey Friend,

Keep making those plans and sucking up life. I will be looking up at the sky today with you in mind.

Yaaaayyy!! An official OhFor update. Feels like Christmas here at SI NB.

Keep going my dear friend. Keep living your incredible life.

ohfor,

So glad to see you back. I too worried about your absence. But I checked on your profile and was relieved to see that you were at least visiting recently.

Keep living your best life, friend, and know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts.

Hey there ohfor:

Just wonderful that you took the time to come here and post - your life is so very full - but you have such a collective here rooting for you in all ways.

You sound just so completely *present* in your life right now - and I don't say that lightly. How many people just sort of drift through life, letting it wash over them without fully immersing themselves in it? I know that means you have to feel the painful feels alongside the lifting ones, but you've definitely got the real deal going on over there.

(There is a dress! Teeeeee! This is me being a little girly and gleeful....)

Great to hear from you.

What a great update -- I love how you are surrounded by so much love -- both the love you give to others, but also the love you get back from them.

What an awesome update!

So very happy to see this update!!!! You are probably the kindest, strongest person I've ever come across in my many years.

Take care my dear man --- you have such beautiful, amazing people surrounding you --- all you can do is absorb every moment and spread your love!!!!

Sending you peace, love and healing every day ----

JanetS, thanks for taking the time to share that with me. Reflect for a while on how it must feel for me, to have someone tell me that what I have posted has had meaning for them. So again, thanks.

Odonna, from the very first time that I met you towards the end of my JFO thread, you have been a wise and helpful guide. We certainly are connected by our sky, but also by more that just one of life’s challenges. As hard as the other connection is, I believe that providence saw that we might need an understanding ear from time to time. You certainly are that to me.

Bleep, I must say, your relentless support and resilient good cheer, sharing all those frustrations in “Stay no contact …..” but still bouncing back with positive support to so many of us, is most certainly one of the contributors to me being one of Simplicity’s miracle patients. I am not going to go into any more detail on this other than to say that a year ago this month was when I was first diagnosed and the collective lab results that piled up since, together with every academic, peer reviewed research paper told me that it was going to be impossible for me to be still here by this time. But here I am. Happy, almost said healthy, but not quite, but still breathing and still loving life and the happiness that is in it. If Simplicity is still around, she will confirm this. And Simplicity, if you are still around, I miss you, and hope that a tidal wave of happiness has found its way to you.

Squid, it is always great when you stop by. On so many occasions I meant to respond to your last response in my previous thread but flu and doctors and the demands of planning weddings and oh yes, I meant to share in my opening post in this thread, I am the proud father of another beautiful daughter. The adoption of Sunshine was finalised a little while back. We now all tease MMS that she is not actually part of the family as she does not carry the Ohfor surname. Now back to what I wanted to respond with to that other response of yours. On our Europe trip of earlier this year we met a delightful couple from your part of the world. Thanks to you I had a wonderful conversation piece, I mentioned how I had never associated strawberry fields with your part of the world but had recently found out that there were. Well firstly, they were suitably impressed with the breadth of my knowledge, so thanks to you I looked like a well-informed, knowledgeable chap, then secondly, they went on to enthuse about just how lovely those strawberry fields were. So you were clearly telling the truth when you shared that experience of yours with us.

I would also like to respond to the others from that thread that I never managed to get back to.

Coolye2, I am glad that you looked up the link. And as I am sure you will know, pictures can never capture the all of it. And yes, the diversity of language and culture is quite astounding. Makes one think that if we could get all foes to garden together, we might have fewer wars.

Taken, what took me so long?, Well, I am this sort of bashful chap, and never believed that someone as multifacet-ly beautiful ( I know I made up a word there, but it works for me), would ever want to be with me. Not something I think you will understand. I was thrilled when I saw in one of your posts that there is an aspirant SO in your life, and it sounds like quite a good man. So pleased. You deserve it. But you got there much quicker that I did.

K8la, I looked Queens Garden, Bruce Canyon up. Loved what I found. I am not sure if you ever recall reading in my JFO thread that XWW and I had done a number of trips on the Desert Express. I LOVE deserts. XWW and I used to visit SA’s Northeast neighbour, Namibia at least once every 2 or 3 years. Our souls needed to cleanse from the constant crush of people of the large metropolis, and just soak in the healing found only in wide open space. The sort of uninterupted space found only in a desert. Namibia is home to the oldest desert in the world, the Namib. It is also home to the Fish River Canyon, 2nd in size only to the Grand Canyon, quite as spectacular, and with the advantage that one usually has it all to themselves. If you would like to discover another intriguing place, look up Kolmanskop.

Oh sage Chili, if only you could give me an argument to use to get them to let me see the dress, I would be able to describe it all for you. Don’t you think that it would only be right for them to let me see it so that I could do right by all my SI friends.

susieque2 you made me blush , but also made me feel so warm inside that I instantly felt well. So thanks, that goes for you too, phmh, Phoenix and northeasternarea.

EvenKeel ,

OH man.....how can you leave us hanging like that????? WHAT WAS IT???

Apologies, never meant to leave anyone in suspense, it was just that I didn’t know how many folk would remember DDF and how she came into our lives. Also, I am a little fearful that in sharing it, I might seem a little boastful. Don’t want that, but here it is any way. On the evening of Father’s Day, I received this message from DDF;

"Hello, I was gonna write you a letter for Father's Day but then I didn't. But I just want to say thank you for everything you've done for me. For ? (DS) and ?? (DD) it's kind of expected, but you didn't need to do everything for me that you've done. The big things like helping me with the court case and applying for uni and then all the little things that are equally important. I really appreciate everything and I always feel at home and welcome in your house. I don't really feel like I've lost anything in life because I just traded one dad for a much better one 😁 so thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest of your Father's Day"

Hope I didn’t over sell it, but for me it is the best Father’s Day gift I could ever have been given.

[This message edited by ohforanewme at 3:10 PM, July 26th (Friday)]

ohfora - thank you so much for this update.

It is fantastic that you have a caring life partner, family and friends to keep you going through your pain.

Sending strength, love and mojo to you, and wisdom to the med peeps that they can figure everything out and give you a more targeted treatment.

((((ohforanewme))))

they went on to enthuse about just how lovely those strawberry fields were.

If you go to those fields now you'll find them barren and overgrown with vegetation. They're waiting to be prepped for the next harvest.

This is incredible. You’re am amazing source of inspiration for strength, resilience and hope. I ❤️ this so much!! Keep us posted!! And I really hope they can get to the bottom of the source of your cancer.

Ohfor, yesterday I, no youngster, was sitting in a chair thinking how stupid I was being by doing nothing.......so I got up, found some music I like and danced. This is what I imagine you are doing. You are up and dancing. Maybe not physically, but certainly in my imagination. So, I have another song for you. Van Morrison’s BRIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Just lots of

You are teaching so many of us what it means to truly LIVE.

Good to hear from you ohfor.

You my friend are the epitome of love and your cup runneth over.

Was also thinking that there are so many people outside of SI who would be blessed to hear your journey. Would you ever consider writing a book? I know you have so much going on, but your testimony is powerful. It would give so many hope.

Please keep us updated and God bless.

Now go make some more memories for yourself and your loved ones.

Praying for you!

Just found your update and was tickled pink to read about the engagement and the lovely Father's Day letter.

Hang in there with the diagnostic testing, I will be saying a few prayers for you.

Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. Inspiring to say the least.

I'm so happy to hear from you again and I believe that things will work out for the best. It sounds like you have two wonderful women in your life that love you very deeply.