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When your WS gets sick how...vent

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DragnHeart posted 11/4/2019 11:16 AM

I'm the type of person who cares to much. I care for him because it's what's right to do. But having been witness to his bullshit IN the hospital and his total lack of caring for my health and safety knowing I still had to drive after 30 hours with no sleep makes me angry. And that anger makes it hard to show compassion. Which isn't in my character. I'm not who I truly am around him because of the pain hes caused. I am guarded now. He asks what I'm thinking and I say nothing. Because it won't matter what I tell him. He tunes me out. And its totally heart breaking to have loved someone so much who appears to care only for himself...

DashboardMadonna posted 11/4/2019 11:35 AM

I am dealing with this same man.


If he is checking out nurses, while you're changing his diapers, it's time to consider your options. As you know, they dont get "better".

I have been my mother's caregiver, since I was about 12-years-old...I am 43, now. My mother uses her illness to manipulate people. I finally had enough and removed myself, allowing her sick golden child (my sociopathis brother) to play son-husband... I had to draw boundaries, especially following DD.

Honestly, life is so damned short and I wasted my entire life accommodating assholes. Your husbands real illness is pathological and you are not responsible for his happiness.

Caregiving is a bullshit job and it's hard enough on it's own, let alone unappreciative assholes. I know it's hard not to care, but he is sucking your life away, regardless of "illness"...

I need to check out your story.... Does the POS have family to belch him? Hes obviously well enough to still objectify the opposite sex, so I wouldn't let the guilt eat away at you. Your sanity is more important. Make these hospital visits less frequent.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 11:37 AM, November 4th (Monday)]

free2016 posted 11/4/2019 12:33 PM

I'm the type of person who cares to much. I care for him because it's what's right to do

Gently, you do not have to be the martyr. You say that you care about him, but really you do not care about him. This is absolutely normal and no one would judge you. Be honest with yourself. You behave sort of 'look at me how good I'm to this ass.le'. This is a way to get gratification. It is easy to feel so righteous in the contrast with the cheater. I am not defending him, but you should focus on why would you choose to be a mommy to someone who disrespected and humiliated you.
After DDay I refused to act as a mommy to WH in any aspect of his life. When he got sick I provided the basic care and all this was balanced with a care of myself and my son. Why would you enable his immature behaviour by sacrificing so much of yourself for the person who has been showing you disrespect for years.
He might choose to be an ass...le for the rest of his life. Why do you choose to be around him?

DragnHeart posted 11/4/2019 12:49 PM

A few things.. I'm in the midst of a few things so not on here much.

Wh is not in hospital right now. Hes at work and headed on a path back to hospital if he doesn't take it easy....

I'm not trying to be righteous. I'm doing what I believe to be the right thing in helping him. When he needed help to the washroom.o was there. Making sure he took his meds, kept up his fluids and eventually taking him back to the hospital.

And up until the friday night at the hospital I hadn't seen any wayward behavior from him in ages.

I didn't think he would be cruel in guilting me for taking the kids home and leaving him at 11:30 at night. I didn't expect him to get angry at me and tell me to leave then beg me to come back hours later OR try to guilt me for not coming back.

I didn't expect any of that. I know he was in pain and scared and that's why I called his family up to be with him until I got the kids settled.

DragnHeart posted 11/4/2019 13:06 PM

I certainly didn't expect the comment about the nurse.

Also had he fallen in the bathroom I just didn't want to clean up the mess. Head wounds bleed like crazy. Lol. Better to make sure he stayed upright then be mopping the floor. Like I need anymore cleaning lol.

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