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Just another thing I'm obsessing over lately. My WH says she wasn't good at sexting. This feels like when the WS says the AP wasn't good in bed or they didn't enjoy the sex. When I ask about what her responses were to his inappropriate pictures, he said he doesn't remember but threw out "you're hot". That seems so lame. That's what he jeopardized 15 years for?

Have you seen the sexts between your WS and AP? Does it sound like he is minimizing this as well? I'll never be able to sext after this which is a shame since I would have been so much better at it than her.

Sadly I never got to see the texts. WH got a new phone after Dday and all those texts went poof! I did ask if they sexted and he asked me what I considered to be sexting. How does he not know? He said yes, but didn't elaborate on what exactly, and I didn't ask for specifics. But I really wish I had access to them.

Is it possible to see their chats? I don't know if you want to go there or not. But if he still has his phone and hasn't deleted things, you can see for yourself how "bad" AP was at sexting.

Nope, I didn't see the sexts. My fch told me about them. He didn't seem to minimize. I didn't ask if she was good at it, though. Never occurred to me. Obviously, he liked it because he kept responding.

I'm very bad at sexting. My fch continues to try.

He included sexting details in the original timeline. He never said much about her part in it so I asked. Things that he said were straight out of a graphic romance novel. I almost wish he would have done that with me because now it's ruined forever.

Part of my struggle is knowing they said these dirty things at work right next to each other, but never made it happen in real life. I guess if he's telling the truth and her responses were as lackluster as they were, then that would make sense.

I did. And honestly, if you want to know what they said, here's basically it:

Things that he said were straight out of a graphic romance novel.

Meant to be together, never felt love like this, your my everything, I want to run away with you..

Take any romance novel, turn to page 359, copy it, paste it into your phone. You've captured the content/message about 95%.

I saw the whole, sordid, days-long string of it between my H and his 18 yo slutbag... all the half naked photos she sent him, all the times he told her how much he adored her, that he was 'so in love' with her, that he would do anything to fuck her. And the parts where he told her that there was no way he could be happy with his wife now that he had met his "soul mate". Also the whole exchange where he offered me to her sexually like I was some sort of sex candy he had a right to pass out.

Glad at the time that I read them so he didn't get a chance at minimizing, but wish now I could bleach my brain of that shit.

Funniest part? We hadn't enjoyed sexual anything in over a year because he "was just not that sexual of a person". HA. Meaning apparently, I was not young or slutty enough for his dumb ass.

I am not sure if it is better to see or not.

Not the sexts because they were on a burner phone that supposedly got tossed long ago. I have seen the Facebook conversations. Very graphic. Nothing he has ever said to me. Lots of swearing, which he never does IRL. I can barely handle what I did read, so I guess it’s good that I didn’t see the sexts.

There were no lovey dovey pieces to it. It was raunchy. Again, I didn't see them but this is what he said. The closest he got to "ILY" was "I think this might be more than just liking you". In a conversation I saw between them at work she was saying he got her head spinning again with "the in love thing". That's a little different than how he said it.

For context, she was getting ready to move back in with her husband and moving on when he said that. She told him he was screwing with her head.

I've seen them and those images are burned in my brain forever.

Some highlights:

AP even sent him a close up of a donut on her boob. That's right. A freaking donut on her boob.

WH sent her a close up of his dick IN HER FACE. That's right. An up close and personal look at his dick while stuck in her smarmy smiling face.

I could go on but There is not enough bleach in the world.

I guess I should have clarified. I'm talking about sexting as in role play. I think they did that more frequently than sending pics.

He deleted their texts - but the one I saw - that lead to Dday 2 - was she told him she was "throbbing" for him. When I asked him about the contents of their other texts he said she would mostly just text him xoxoxo. Asked him if she was thirteen!

We had to change phones shortly after Dday 2 so wasn't able to try and retrieve old texts. Maybe a good thing - the "throbbing" text was hard enough to read.

Layla,

If you read my post, my WH was EA through apps with lots and lots of sexting and ego kibbles, ILYs, I miss you, I am holding your hand, together forever, etc.

The sexting was graphic. Lots of very detailed erotic porn type of writing. Anatomical pictures were shared and videos were made of their masturbations. It was truly disgusting. No editing, no filters, so very ugly and very raunchy.

It was like that for almost every day, morning, afternoons and nights.

ETA: It got very repetitious after a while. You can only sext so many sex acts and write them out fairly differently so many times - unless you get really side ways. The role playing in terms of the sexting got boring. What hurt was the sharing of what I thought was special things with a stranger whore, and the deceptions.

[This message edited by TornInShock at 7:46 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

I saw them and used them as evidence during the divorce.

The raunchy texts just all seem to be part of this lovely shit-show. It’s like they regress into being teenagers.

Since my STBXWH and his whore worked together, I don’t think they texted too much since they were together all day.(She was a direct report.) but I could be wrong.

My cheater was very careful to delete the strings of texts, but I did manage to catch an awful text or two ... one in particular was her asking him if she should bring her vibrator for the next time they meet up.

Don’t let this take up too much of your head-space. I know it’s hard, but honestly it’s all just bullshit.

Meant to be together, never felt love like this, your my everything, I want to run away with you..

That's not sexting.

Layla,

I did attempt to use Dr. Fone to retrieve the "Sexts" to no avail and now 32 months later, I'm glad I didn't see it in writing.

My wife did try and minimize when we discussed what was said via sexts. For instance "when can we have sex again" became "When can I F' you again and pound your Vajaja". It was clear when she attempted to minimize and I had to continually circle back with "is that really what was said".

I echo others, in the grand scheme of things, don't let this bother you. it happened (to whatever degree and level), we can't change it.

Good luck!

Layla, sorry you are here with the rest of us.

I'm not sure if your WH is minimizing or not. He could be; I suspect mine is as. We're more than 3 years out. Of course, he deleted everything and I didn't think to run any recovery apps on the phone back then, so the texts are gone.

However, I did ask him about this issue and he claims they discussed things they enjoyed in bed. Being that my WH has only been with me (before the m-COW), I guess he was referring to our sex life He also claimed the m-COW said something about looking forward to their next sexual encounter.

All this to say, I'm 99% sure WH is minimizing in my case. But alas, just like everything else, I have no proof.

Also, I just realized you were asking (I think) about role play type sexting. I don't think that happened in my situation, but again, who knows!

Wishing you some peace-

Uh, yeah. I saw the sexts. Apparently, AP made my STBXW's pussy wet.

The thing is... and not to be cruel... but an affair is an affair. They had sex. There was some weird form of courtship associated with it. You have to get past all of it.

@Barcher My WH did not have sex with her. I guess it would make sense that their sexting was so detailed. This was confirmed by a polygraph. He also passed a question asking if he had planned sexual encounters with anyone else. It was all just a fantasy that never turned reality. It's still very very painful knowing I'm now not the only one to see my husband naked. That was something that I held special to me. Not very many people can say they are their spouses one and only everything.

Boring stuff like “sexy ass” or “love those tits”. She never really wrote anything back to him and what she did write was illiterate couldn’t figure it out half the time. She did send a lot of photos of herself, some in bras and underwear, never nudes. Ours were much spicier.. my husband isn’t much of a texter though. So there’s that.

I can see your parallel and how a newly betrayed may feel like it’s minimizing. But truthfully, the actual sex to me is worse. And in the case of emotional cheating. Saying I love you or being romantic is worse for my eyes than sexting.