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Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 9:29 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
I'm just curious how many of your WS's claimed to be the victim ?
Also, when and how did the WS finally admit they were at fault ?
Also, I'm wondering if anyone here had a WS ,once caught, owned up 100% that the A was 100% the WS's fault right away ?
I'll start.
My ex thought that he was the victim of the A.
My ex has a hard time admitting fault because he felt sorry for himself that he was a closeted bisexual all his life.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
Atg100 ( member #66119) posted at 9:32 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
My ex was / is the victim.
She admitted that it was her fault and then withdrew that statement.
Blamed me for everything towards her family .
Who cares what they think or say?
They lie to themselves and bury their guilt within some ducked up corner of their soul .
What a way to live your life ?
layla1234 ( member #68851) posted at 9:35 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Yup. I didn't pay him enough attention or compliment him enough. I changed those things as soon as he told me it was a problem. He continued the affair that I had no idea even existed. Poor him.
Married: 5-15-11
3 kids: ages 6, 3, and baby born in Sept.
D-day of EA with married COW:7-18-18
So much missing info from my story. I'm too exhausted to add it all. Divorce process started.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:09 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Mine never claimed to be the victim.
He admitted he was at fault immediately.
Took 100% responsibility.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 10:32 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Wow Zebra, I didn't think that there were WS'S out there that admitted 100% fault for the A right away.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
He did but he still did many other things wrong.
He is definitely not a saint.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 10:38 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Zebra, I knew that your WS is not a saint so I worded my response very carefully to not say that you are so lucky to have your WS.
[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 4:44 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:27 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Yes my STBX is ALWAYS the victim. He is the victim again with this separation. I'm the big meanie BS who couldn't get over the A.
I don't even care anymore he can be the damn poor victim. I hope his girlfriend consoles him.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:27 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Dorothy, the eye rolling was not at you!
I was just kind of eye rolling at myself with regards to being lucky to have a cheater that took responsibility for his cheating.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 11:29 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Zebra, I understood the eye rolling was not at me.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
JadedByItAll ( member #60042) posted at 11:30 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
I think a better question would be, "Whose wayward spouse didn't claim to be the victim?" But, then again, you probably wouldn't get many replies.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:33 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 11:34 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Jaded, I did think about titling this thread "Whose wayward spouse didn't claim to be the victim?" but didn't because there wouldn't be many replies.
I did ask
Also, I'm wondering if anyone here had a WS ,once caught, owned up 100% that the A was 100% the WS's fault right away ?
To my shock and surprise Zebra raised her hand.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 11:36 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
Not necessarily the "victim", as much as he felt justified right at dday. He did take 100% responsibility for the A, but blamed me for a lot of pre A things that hurt him. Neither he or I were/are saints. I did treat him pretty shitty there for awhile pre A. Not that what he did was right, it just is what it is. He just had a shitty way of communicating. Escape was easier than dealing with it.
BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled
Odonna ( member #38401) posted at 11:48 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
BeyondRage’s WW seems to be doing things right. It is a long interesting story that may be helpful to you.
Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 11:55 PM on Tuesday, November 5th, 2019
My STBXW is 100% the victim in her eyes. My requiring fidelity/monogamy, I was maliciously repressing the sexuality she never told me about. By marrying her when she was 19, I was taking advantage of a young, inexperienced woman and putting her in a situation she wasn't ready for (I was 17, mind you).
By being angry (and showing that anger) at her first affair with my best friend, I was emotionally abusing her. I should have just accepted it as a thing and moved on.
By begging her to break up with me before she had another affair (if she had another (spoiler: she did)) I was trying to force her into isolation, unable to find another partner by leaving her all alone.
By being diagnosed with C-PTSD and working out that a significant part of it was multiple layers of betrayal trauma, I'm demonizing her expression of love, and what kind of monster demonizes love?
My blaming her for her actions and her lack of communication and her lack of trying to focus on and work on our marriage, instead of seeking out emotional and sexual affair partners, I am making myself a victim when she is the REAL victim. Her favorite line is "Want me to get you some chalk so you can draw the outline around yourself, since you love playing the victim so much?"
By talking about the affair and its effects on me, I am demonizing her to everyone, defaming her good name, and the good names of the man and woman she spent a week having torrid threesomes with.
I can't wait until I can move out. The more I see without my rose tinted glasses, the more I see how incredibly toxic and FUCKING BONKERS this woman is.
Me: BH
She: EW
Divorce in progress
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19
What a wicked game we play.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:00 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019
I was maliciously repressing the sexuality she never told me about.
Incarnate it sounds like your ex should meet my ex. I was repressing my STBX's SA needs. I mean duh sex is more important than air or water
He also had the biggest tantrum I have ever seen when I decided I didn't want to have the open the M anymore. Why I ever thought it was a good idea to open the M is still being figured out in IC.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:02 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
outofsorts ( member #70701) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019
Also, I'm wondering if anyone here had a WS ,once caught, owned up 100% that the A was 100% the WS's fault right away ?
Yes, WH told 100% of the truth right away (I believe) and has never blamed me for his cheating. However, he didn't really have an affair, he had approx. 10 hand jobs and sex one time at "massage parlors".
Me(BW): 40WH: 40 Married 7 years, together 20.
Dday 2/22/19 Reconciling
AbandonedGuy ( member #66456) posted at 3:11 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019
My ex didnt admit to a single wrongdoing. No apologies whatsoever. The whole relationship, she pretty much traveled everywhere with her cross and nails.
EmancipatedFella, formerly AbandonedGuy
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019
Shit yes. She blamed me for being abusive and keeping her under my thumb. No evidence of that. I'm a nice guy and the favourite son in law. My mother in law feels like she lost a son. My STBXWW blames her AP seduced her. I explained that he did not have magical powers, but she doesn't get it. Essentially, she is the poster child for cognitive dissonance. Takes full responsibility but it is everyone else's fault.
Hate typing on a phone...
[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 9:22 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
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