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How Could You Do This To Me?

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demolishedinside posted 12/14/2019 03:27 AM

Buck, there absolutely is. During those first days after dday, my WH told me he knew Iíd never leave him and was doing it because of that and to get one over on me. Well, I guess he did...until he didnít. Now heís finding out how wrong he was.

demolishedinside posted 12/14/2019 03:27 AM

Buck, there absolutely is. During those first days after dday, my WH told me he knew Iíd never leave him and was doing it because of that and to get one over on me. Well, I guess he did...until he didnít. Now heís finding out how wrong he was.

Notmine posted 12/14/2019 07:23 AM

My WH says he compartmentalized - just never considered me. WOW! THAT makes me feel on million times better.

jb3199 posted 12/15/2019 09:18 AM

In my case, I would say that resentment was the primary factor in how 'she could do this to me'.

I still thought I was in a good marriage....about 12-15 years in....but I will admit that life was basically on autopilot. I wasn't 'working' on the marriage. And apparently, Mrs. Poor Coping Mechanisms started building up the resentment(s) of me. Not saying that I wasn't deserving of any of them, but I wasn't closed off. I wasn't unapproachable. I was, like I said, just going through the motions of life.

By this time, alcohol was playing a huge role in WW's life. Easier to see NOW, but I still knew that it was a problem back then. And one day....and my wife recalls this moment very clearly....as I was walking up the stairs to our bedroom, and I did NOT give her the response that she was looking for, she told herself at that moment: "Fuck it. If he is not going to give me the attention that I deserve, then I am going to go get it myself".

That was her clear line, based on all the built up resentment that she had for me. That's how she was able to still play wife and mother, and gut me at the same time. She simply didn't care enough about my feelings anymore. I wouldn't say that it was an intentional attack on me, as much as it was her new ambivalence she had towards me.

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