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Unhappy, thinking of leaving. Confused.

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The1stWife posted 4/24/2020 17:31 PM

Thatís great. Tell your kid as they are leaving for college When they are off on their own with no family support that you are divorcing your spouse.

Do it now. While you can provide love and emotional support and face to face contact.

Have a plan for therapy or counseling as a family and for your child so they have the support needed.

Please re-think waiting.

nekonamida posted 4/24/2020 18:03 PM

I agree that waiting for your youngest to go to college is not a good idea. I remember being in college and knowing kids who struggled with the fact that so much change was happening AND their entire home life was being upended so far away. The exceptions were kids whose parents had very toxic and dysfunctional marriages. They were relieved that they didn't have to witness the fallout and that they wouldn't spend Christmas listening to their parents argue and act passive aggressive with each other.

If you had a relatively peaceful marriage on the outside, don't wait. Take care of it now so that your DS can process it in a familiar environment without the intense pressure of college and knows what to expect when he comes back home over break.

Westway posted 4/25/2020 13:11 PM

My older daughter was in her first year of university, and my younger was a sophomore in high school when I filed for divorce. I realized there was no "good" time to divorce their mom. All I knew is that I could not stay in a marriage where I was being disrespected by my WW, and then turn around and expect my children to respect me.

My girls have had a hard time yes, but I think they would have had a much harder time if they had to watch their dad allowing himself to be treated like a chump.

mamabear22 posted 4/27/2020 09:43 AM

I am feeling the same way you are.
The only difference in our story is that I am only 3 years post d-day, and that I really don't think my FWH thinks anything is wrong, he thinks our marriage is good.
I still find it difficult, I too have contemplated that once my son goes to college in the fall that would be a good time, knowing like teh other say it would not be.

The hard part I think is that I feel like I am going back on my word that I said that we could work it out, and maybe it would be okay to live a 'meh', marriage.
I feel we exist as more like room mates.
What if single or another spouse isn't all that great either.
I understand your feelings, I don't know what to do either.
It is shitty feeling 'meh' though and knowing that the person you thought was a great spouse ruined it for you. You want it to work but what they did ruined it for you.
I was always hoping that the 2-5 year recovery was going to kick in. But shitty having them as a reminder all of the time, let alone things that crop up, dates, sayings, and every show on TV seems to have an affair in it. But I think that will still be there even if we divorce. SO does that fix anything?
What am I saying???? well I guess you are not the only one.

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