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Okay, ya’ll seem to understand my STBXH much better than I do, so tell me is this normal behavior when going through a divorce?

Quick background...

...I’ve been w/ him for 20 years, multiple D-days, at least two relatively long term affairs that I know about. We have 4 kids and he has 2 kids from his first marriage whom I love like my own. We also have 5 grandkids...

He calls me before work, at lunch, on his way home from work, then stops by and eats supper w/ us, leaves and usually calls and talks to me on the way to his place. Then calls again when laying down to tell me goodnight. He also has started calling me Sweetie, which he has never done before. I am so hurt and confused. Is this typical behavior?

Shouldn’t he be w/ her all the time?? Talking to her all the time? This is there chance to be together! I just don’t get it!?

Thanks for any help ya’ll can offer.

[This message edited by lilflower1000 at 10:52 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]

lilflower1000:

How many days until you close on your new house? I know you are trying to play nice with him until you move.

Go back and read your profile and description of what you put up with from your WH in 2012-13. You will see his pattern. He does the same thing every time. He is playing you. He love bombs you with attention and pet names, because he doesn’t want to lose his family. But he also wants to keep his side piece fo fun. And since you given in to his love bombing before why shouldn’t he expect similar results. It’s just a ploy.

For half your marriage he has been a selfish jerk. You know that. He knows that. Maybe he is between gf right now or he is playing you while he gets all the money. Sometimes you just have to be better at faking it than he is. Be super sweet until the divorce. I hope your attorney is a bulldog and if you don’t have one, get one.

I haven’t read your entire postings.

Of course he is. He’s your friend (😬. ) Because if you are now friends he’s done nothing wrong.

It’s all about him and avoiding any guilt and pain. He can tell himself he’s not so bad b/c you are friends.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:10 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]

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Of course he is. He’s your friend (😬. ) Because if you are now friends he’s done nothing wrong..

First wife, I think you are spot on. He keeps saying that he wants us to be best friends.

Fareast, thanks for the reminder. I just pulled the texts from 8 years ago when he had the first affair from the closet as I am going through everything as we get ready to move. I’m not sure if I can read them because it hurts so badly, but I’m glad I never got rid of them. They are a good reminder of why I do not need to go back to this hell. I’ve got about 30 days.

Cooley, yes about 1/2 of the marriage has been hell. I’m TRYING. my best to be super sweet. I’m trying not to bring up anything he’s done wrong, so I don’t puss him off which is really easy to do.

[This message edited by lilflower1000 at 6:57 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]

stop taking his calls and serving him supper

You are his maid. Stop being there for him, and fully let him go.

My STBX WH calls and messages several times daily. Even Good night Darling, love you.

I have made it clear that I will show him love and compassion but I am Divorcing him and getting 60% (for my children)

I reply sometimes with ‘good night’ or nothing, if I am not in the mood.

Why are you taking his calls?

I am trying to distance myself from my ex/asshat because I can’t cope. There are no chats. NC makes life easier for me. I can breathe and there are fewer tears.

Maybe you would find the same. Thinking about why isn’t he with her, is not good for you.

Good luck

He calls me before work, at lunch, on his way home from work, then stops by and eats supper w/ us, leaves and usually calls and talks to me on the way to his place. Then calls again when laying down to tell me goodnight.

Why are you allowing this? He's treating you as though he's still in a relationship with you. Healthy boundaries are important. You don't "need" to provide him love, a meal, or a place at your table. His actions clearly have shown that he can manipulate you, and has no respect for your marriage.

Let him make his own meals. It's not healthy for you to be accepting all his calls as though nothing has happened. Only speak to him when it concerns the kids, and don't be fooled by him calling you "Sweetie".

If he loved you, and respected you he wouldn't have had an affair. You aren't his plan B you WERE his plan A, and he needs to understand what he lost.

Let he OW be his "everything", and you start taking care of healing YOU.

The first step is cutting off the "warm fuzzies" that you're allowing, and draw a line in the sand. He is on one side with OW, and you are on the other side. Your paths are no longer the same.

He's making sure he has the best of both worlds, and you need to make him live in the world he choose. I know it hurts, is confusing, but you don't owe him your love anymore.

Hugs Liliflower...