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I was already alone!!

Gottagetthrough posted 7/27/2020 06:56 AM

Iím so sorry for posting a ton but being away from stbx this summer has made me realize so much

I have been terrified of being alone. So scared.

I made a list of times wh refused to help me do things and I had to do stuff on my own.

Example- I went home for a week this summer bc ds 1 had an orthodontist appointment. Wh had no food in the house When we got home (after. 9 hour drive) . I asked him to go to the store because I didnít want to have to take 8 month old ds 2 out in corona virus ... it would just be easier for Wh to go alone that me to get baby ready and cart him around the store.


Wh said, ďno. Since youíre divorcing me, I donít want to give you any help. Youíll need to learn how to do this stuff on your own because I wonít be thereĒ

I made beans and rice for dinner and got grocery pickup the next morning.

Iím on page THREE of years and incidences where he flaked on me and the kids.

He missed our kidís competition because he ďneeded restĒ

He couldnít go to this family event Because he MIGHT have something at work (he didnít)

He thought going away with my friends for my 30th bday was stupid and I was being selfish (We did go but he yelled at me for days before)

I have wasted SO MUCH TIME on this person who is not worthy of my time!!!!

I am not sad like I was at the prospect of divorce... I feel so free and excited about what I will do with All. This. Time. that Iíve been putting into Stan Zbornack.

tushnurse posted 7/27/2020 08:00 AM

((((Gotta))))

You weren't alone. He was being an abusive prick the entire time. Alone is awesome compared to what you were dealing w/ .

99problems posted 7/27/2020 08:27 AM

He does sound controlling and abusive.
I have had a similar experience. I think our lives will be much improved by the removal of the lying, cheating, lazy and horrible WS's.

crazyblindsided posted 7/27/2020 09:39 AM

Exactly! My STBX keeps telling me things like I will regret this or I donít know what Iím doing. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other and each step I take I feel freer and stronger. Iím still alone while IHS. I felt alone in the marriage as well. Only when he wanted to play family man or complain to me or about me was I blessed with his presence. Now he says heís devastated but where was he all along? Iíve been devastated while in the marriage.

Gottagetthrough posted 7/27/2020 09:44 AM

He does sound controlling and abusive.
I have had a similar experience. I think our lives will be much improved by the removal of the lying, cheating, lazy and horrible WS's
.
I agree! I have goals that Iíve kept to myself for years. Iím so excited to start working towards them.

Without this summer away from Wh I wouldnít be able to get the clarity that I needed to see... I am alone (or what tushnurse said... worse than alone). Cutting him out of the picture wonít make me lonely. I can do this.

Gottagetthrough posted 7/27/2020 09:49 AM

Iíve been devastated while in the marriage
.

Yes! Heís devastated me so many times! How many times have his actions given me that ďgut punchĒ feeling. When I heard from a friend he was cheating in 2009? When he asked for divorce the day after we sold our house? When he asked for divorce while we were at his MOTHERíS HOUSE!!!!

When he said ILYBINILWY

When I read the text that heíd said he loved ow 2

When I saw other texts from ow 2 and him

When I went home this summer and saw a text from him to ow asking for bikini pics

Bye, sucker. Times up to be a good person. You fucking lose! Have fun trying to find someone as wonderful as me to shit on.

And PS- heís going to HATE paying child support on 3 kids. One isnít even a year old

twicefooled posted 7/27/2020 12:44 PM

Good job!

I've found it's way less frustrating doing everything myself, than asking another adult and getting excuses.

In my world, if it doesn't get done I have no one to blame but me

LadyG posted 7/28/2020 04:13 AM

Good on you for getting out. Page 3 so far...

We could all fill novels of the times our WSís let us down or were just non existent.

My last straw was when WH refused to get out of bed for our Daughterís wedding. Yep, thatís correct. He couldnít be bothered getting out of bed.

That was the last time he made me feel like a solo parent.

Our DD will never forget that. I will never forget the pain and hurt in her eyes when the realisation hit that Dad wasnít there.

Gottagetthrough posted 7/28/2020 10:31 AM

LadyG- he didnít come to her wedding? At all?

Iím so sorry.

My husband has stayed in bed for many things. I donít put it past him to stay in bed when our DD gets married.

Tallgirl posted 7/28/2020 12:25 PM

Geez he is a royal ass.

You will feel so much better when this is done.

Lots of hugs. You did great.

Justsomeguy posted 7/28/2020 15:50 PM

I told my best friend that I was struggling with the idea of being alone after divorce. He said that I had already been alone for years with WW. He was right. It's funny how you can be in a marriage and alone at the same time...

Tallgirl posted 7/28/2020 19:42 PM

I was so lonely in my marriage, it was debilitating.

Being alone is easier.

messyleslie posted 7/29/2020 02:40 AM

I'm realizing now how much I held up my WH. I always thought he was a good dad and now I'm realizing that apparently without me holding his life together for him he can't even be bothered to show up sometimes.

Its freeing but its also sad.

I wonder sometimes if I am ever in another relationship with an emotionally healthy person who is a real partner if I am going to be like WTH - this is SO easy and I can't believe its normal to not have to do everything in a relationship.

taken4granted posted 7/29/2020 10:26 AM

Messy - thatís exactly how my life turned out. I went from alone in a marriage to marrying a man that helps around the house. My kids think Iím crazy for thanking my husband for helping out or driving them to events. Itís amazing the difference.

Planetx posted 7/31/2020 22:05 PM

After my divorce, I had someone ask me what I missed about being married. I couldn't think of anything! I think my marriage was a lot like yours, I always went to events and all kids things on my own. I did all the shopping, daily dropoffs/pickups before school and work. He never went to the park or zoo with us, never put the kids to bed or got them ready. Towards the end I was even vacationing and going to HIS family events with just me and the kids!

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