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New trial date has been set

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barcher144 posted 10/23/2020 10:12 AM

I remembered a moment of absurdity from yesterday's trial.

My HR person was on the stand, taking questions about my projects. The documentation that she provided included the start dates and the end dates for the projects. So, for example, the document said... Start date = July 1, 2016; End date = June 30, 2019.

STBXW's attorney: Are those calendar dates or fiscal year dates?

My HR person was truly flummoxed by this completely ridiculous question.

ZenMumWalking posted 10/23/2020 12:20 PM

nomudnolotus posted 10/23/2020 15:57 PM

I agree with everything that you wrote 100%.

I have no plans to treat her like a diseased or disabled or "special" person. She's wonderful, bright, and very talented; she amazes me every day (sorry to go all "Dad" on you).

Still, she has some issues that keep her from making friends and those same issues have added strain to the relationship between me and her. There are times when the two of us get along with each other quite well, but there are other times when she is angry at me for seemingly no reason at all. Knowing that these latter events are related to Aspergers rather than something that I have done (recall, I am used to getting blamed for everything as a co-dependent formerly married to a narcissist)... is extremely helpful to me. It would also help me ignore STBXW's accusations that I am a terrible father, pointing to DD15's outbursts that actually are related to Aspergers rather than anything that I have done (or neglected to do).

I think one of the hardest things for me barcher was learning to understand that I had done nothing wrong (I am the one my autistic daughter gets angry at not her dad)

You have had it pretty rough with your stbx (I've followed your story) so I am sure that's a big relief to know that it's probably you because you're the safe one.

The friends thing is so hard. As much as we all say on social media that we are inclusive, society is absolutely not inclusive (just watch the good doctor where they "include" him and discriminate against him at the same time.

I also think Asperger's is much harder for girls. Girls are meaner than boys, and a lot of the social stuff is subtle beneath the surface stuff that you're supposed to just get but autistic girls don't get it. My daughter was bullied terribly and I was always at the school but they would do nothing.

There are some really good social skills learning programs out there now for autistics and they can be better, but some things they just don't ever get. it's like asking a blind person to see.

It sounds like you're doing great with understanding and doing the best you can given the circumstances to try and get help for your daughter.

barcher144 posted 10/23/2020 21:06 PM

I think one of the hardest things for me barcher was learning to understand that I had done nothing wrong (I am the one my autistic daughter gets angry at not her dad)

I am certain that my daughter gets angry at both me and her mother, but remember that STBXWW is a narcissist and she blames me for everything. I literally have a "runaway note" where DD15 (from maybe 3 or 4 years ago) was planning to leave the house because she was convinced that her mother didn't love her.

I know that STBXW is very hard on DD15. DD15 does not conform to what is "normal" and there is nothing worse than that from the perspective of a narcissistic mother.

And you can be damn sure that STBXW has utilized DD15's issues as part of this divorce. She submitted to court on April 26, 2019 that DD15 was having stomach aches because of the stress that I was causing by being me. DD15 has stomach aches, but we learned a couple of weeks prior to that affidavit that they were caused by lactose intolerance.

STBXW is also actively involved in parental alienation with all three of my kids, although I am doing very well with the other two. I guess that part of me has confused DD15 Aspergers with parental alienation. I have literally felt like I was "losing" DD15... so the Aspergers theory (and potential) diagnosis is very helpful to me. DD15 is just mad... not necessarily at me... and not necessarily because STBXW has convinced her that I am a terrible father (although I am certain that STBXW is trying to convince all three kids of that).

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