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He passed away & another women has emailed??

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Throwaway999 posted 9/9/2020 08:22 AM

If you follow my sorry...my WH passed away a little over a month ago. I still check his email mostly to unsubscribe from lists. Today he received a poem from a women I have never heard of before. I think itís about infidelity. Whatís your take on this? What should I do?

Itís a whole other level of disappointment in my WH today.

Here is what she sent:

The lonely silence
of hearts dividing.
Deceptions, mistrusts,
set worlds dividing.

Quick sidelong glances
caught blank, unknowing.
Yield to suspicions,
lustful hearts showing.

The tell of the light,
made known the pathway,
Cunningly hidden
amidst dark cloaked mislay.

Secrets etched inward,
tangled emotions.
Blinded by auras,
love spells and potions.

When boundary lines cross
trust turns to betrayal.
The question one asks is...
do I leave or just stay?

HellFire posted 9/9/2020 08:32 AM

I think it sounds like its from a current OW. One that either started before he became so sick that he didn't leave the house, and turned into online only, or started ans stayed online.

She clearly doesn't know he has passed away.

I'm sorry.

Jehuretired posted 9/9/2020 08:44 AM

Oh Throwaway, I'm sorry. I can't imagine a scenario where this is an innocent email. Kinda sounds to me like someone he distanced himself from who doesn't understand why he is not longer available.

I had a similar thing happen on my husband's Facebook. Female employee posted very lovingly about how much she missed him. It was a private message, so it was never meant for me. By that time I knew things, and sent her a message asking some pretty direct questions. She never answered me.

It is so hard when you just keep uncovering things that you wish you hadn't. It's not pain shopping. There really are things that must be done and cleaned out. I wasn't snooping on my dead husband, I was trying to save his photos (selfies) of him and our grandkids. Try to focus on the fact that it is ALL in the past. It's done. Look to your future and plot YOUR course. ((HUGS))

nekonamida posted 9/9/2020 08:44 AM

TA, I am so so sorry. I agree with you that it sounds infidelity related. It was clear from his recent behavior that he has a more active OW on the line.

Can you search his email for more from this woman and maybe figure out who she is in case she ever reaches out pretending to be a friend after she figures it out?

ThisIsSoLonely posted 9/9/2020 08:47 AM

Wow. I would stop checking his email.

I think this is most likely:

I think it sounds like its from a current OW. One that either started before he became so sick that he didn't leave the house, and turned into online only, or started ans stayed online.

She clearly doesn't know he has passed away.

I'm sorry. I would send something saying he has passed, so you don't end up with a bunch of emails from this person. But that's just me - or you could just ignore it. Not much else to do with it really.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 8:48 AM, September 9th (Wednesday)]

Throwaway999 posted 9/9/2020 08:58 AM

I have searched all of his contacts and her name. I did respond with a vague question asking if she wants to talk...didnít sign my name at of course all hoping she thinks itís him. I will wait to see if she responds.

The subject line of the email was The Betrayal.

I agree...it feels like a new AP coming out of the woodwork. Or his old AP trying to mess with me and pretending to be a different person.

How would this person know his email address and about infidelity if it wasnít real...

Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving. This just sucks. I was doing really well...I feel sad.

DragnHeart posted 9/9/2020 09:03 AM

Or his old AP trying to mess with me and pretending to be a different person.

This was my first thought. Something I could see ow2 in my case doing...

I'm so sorry.

tushnurse posted 9/9/2020 09:20 AM

TA I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this shit now.

So you have a choice respond, or stop opening emails from unknown senders. It certainly contributes to his lack of empathy, if he didn't end his current A, and was just letting it hang out there.

Maybe this woman was just feeling sad since her AP died, and thought no one would see it. Doesn't make it right. Just a thought....

If it were me, I know I couldn't resist responding, but I think the better thing is to ignore, and not respond. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Unhinged posted 9/9/2020 09:35 AM

That's really bad poetry. Just sayin'

I agree that responding would be a waste of your time (unless you respond with the above ).

Lalagirl posted 9/9/2020 09:42 AM


I am so sorry this happened

It will be interesting to see if she responds - I don't think I would let her know about your WH's passing. Just block her.

pinkpggy posted 9/9/2020 10:09 AM

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like someone new or potentially the old AP just emailing for her selfish purposes to find a connection or because she thought of him or because that poem was meaningful in someway. I googled it and nothing came up, maybe self written.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 10:10 AM, September 9th (Wednesday)]

Throwaway999 posted 9/9/2020 13:21 PM

Update and a good one finally for me....the person responded and she sent it to the wrong email address...which does line up with all of my google searches today.

So I am relieved but angry my WH even left me in this position. I should be having warm loving thoughts of my WH but all I have is anger and hurt. He destroyed so much without a second thought.

I deserved better and I know I am better without him. But my feelings are complicated...this all sucks.

Thank you all for your support and so sorry for the false alarm!

Lalagirl posted 9/9/2020 13:27 PM

No worries - I am glad it turned out to be a false alarm, but sorry that it stirred up more pain for you. Also sucks that the writer of this "poem" is a wayward.

tushnurse posted 9/9/2020 13:32 PM


Glad it wasn't something real.

We got you either way. It's ok to be mad. It's all part of the grieving process. Grieve the loss of your M, and the death of your H. It will hurt, it will make you so angry you want to scream and punch a wall, and so sad that you won't want to leave bed for a day.... regardless we are here. We get it, and we will help you through it.

20yrsagoBS posted 9/9/2020 13:39 PM

Glad it turned out OK.

Your WH was awful, Iím sorry

messyleslie posted 9/9/2020 22:42 PM

Did you respond back to her and tell her that before she tried to send it to some other man she should probably think twice because another betrayed wife may read it?


Throwaway999 posted 9/10/2020 05:18 AM

By the time she had responded, I had a strong suspicion it was sent by mistake. Weirdly, she was sending to her son. She had both her maiden name and married name in her email addresses...I found her on FB, IG, marriage licenses and obituaries. Heck, I even had found her cell and place of work.

I made sure her story checked out...she lived in US and there is no way my WH would know her. And she turned out to way older than us...not his type. She apologies and sent me several emails. She wasnít for sure not a AP.

The world is filled with odd people. I felt it was a sign from the universe...so I remember who my WH is was.

Hurtmyheart posted 9/10/2020 10:42 AM

You said that she meant to send the email to her son? Maybe she was trying to wake him up to his wife cheating on him... who knows but yes and agree... life is a deception, keep your eyes wide open and protect your heart.

I think it's our job to figure out the why's of all of this so that we never have to experience anything like this again. Sucks but these are our life lessons. Such a difficult journey that we are on but there also can be so much growth in it. Sorry.

gmc94 posted 9/10/2020 11:05 AM

I felt it was a sign from the universe
I'mwith you on this, Throwaway.

So sorry you had to deal with it.

ETA: And to me, it's a weird AF of a thing to send to one's child.... hmmm

[This message edited by gmc94 at 11:06 AM, September 10th, 2020 (Thursday)]

HellFire posted 9/10/2020 11:26 AM

If she was an OW, and the wife responded rather than her AP, and she is married,she is going to lie.

Wrong email address? But claims she was sending it to her son? Odd,because all of my children's email addresses are saved in my contacts. I simply click on their name,and their email address pops up.

Sent several emails,rather than just one apologizing? Odd again. One is sufficient. Reminds me of my WH. When caught, he had all kinds of excuses as to why what I knew to be true,couldn't be true. If he was telling the truth, one explanation would have sufficed.

That poem is not something one send to their child.

As gmc said..hmm.

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