Bigger posted 1/4/2021 04:02 AM

To me the issue is not if or when you should or should not phone your soon-to-be ex MIL.

The issue is that he controls your phone.

THAT issue can be fixed like… now.
Do it.

HalfTime2017 posted 1/4/2021 17:43 PM

Yes agree with the others. I would prescribe the following:

1) No more phones line/family plan with our ex. You're an adult, go get your own phone. This is a way of control and manipulation, YOu see how he did that by telling you he'll shut you down? Reread what you wrote, which leads me to point number 2

2) you need IC. Reading your post is cringeworthy, bc I see a women who needs a boost of Self. I think IC help would really benefit you. Again, reread what you wrote. You allow name calling, put downs and even manipulation from a man you are divorcing/divorced.

3) boundaries. Put them up, and don't allow the ex to control you, or to even question you. I think IC will also help here.

He is your ex, don't put up with shit. Stop being chatty with him. Remove yourself from him and this situation. Just bc you have kids doesn't mean you need to talk like you do. Shut it down, get your own phone and work on you.

Cooley2here posted 1/15/2021 09:14 AM

Someone has been controlling you for years. Your reactions are those of a former smoker. You keep reaching for that phantom pack. Every time you interact with him you go right back to your “comfortable” reaction. It’s automatic. It’s a bad habit and hard to break. Gray rock the hell out of him. Don’t respond to texts, phone calls, etc. HE DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO BE KIND TO YOU. Selfish people are selfish because we let them get away with it. Your internal mantra to yourself should be “Nothing to see here, moving along”. If possible take your emotions out of it and just look at his behaviors, including words and tones of voice. By now he has you trained to respond to them. That old standby.....count to ten. Then continue to keep your mouth shut and your fingers off your phone.

CallingSpades posted 1/15/2021 13:40 PM

Congratulations on taking the first steps to rid yourself of this horrible human being. Now time to take the rest of the steps, which others have so eloquently laid out.

Girl, I have a diastasis too, and WH had the audacity to list these diametrically opposed grievances after he was caught cheating: he didn't like my post-pregnancy body AND he wanted a third child. It's not you, honey, it's him. All of it. You're just fine as you are. Put up those boundaries.

And for the love of all things holy, don't spin your own story in his favor. Him locking your phone is not good for you in any way. He's terrorizing you. He doesn't even need to try to convince you it's ok - you're doing his job for him. I second whoever said find a good IC.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 1:41 PM, January 15th, 2021 (Friday)]