I found out about it last week. We've been together for 6 years. It was an online EA that lasted for a very short time but he does not want to cut contact since she's his only friend (yes, really).
My first instinct was to leave, block, leave them to each other (she's married too), fuck em etc but then I realized I don't want to be alone. And I never imagined the future without him and I want to hold on to that. So that is why I decided to try to reconcile.
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So he met this chick online because he's a gamer and I'm not and she is also. That's what they have in common. At first I was happy for him because I knew how lonely he was and how much he wanted a friend to play video games with.
But then it quickly degenerated. They started talking about things they like in the bedroom and complaining to each other about their partners and so on.
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After we decided to stay together he said he is very sad about being lonely all the time and he would like to remain friends with her, because he hasn't had a friend in years and so on.
And he promised to be with some self imposed limits which sounded good to me, so I said okay. My heart breaks when I think about how lonely he is, and I thought that if they're just playing games together for a bit and don't cross any lines in conversation it should be fine.
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Then the first day after we decided to reconciliate, after he had to speak to her and convince her not to have an emotional affair on her husband (who doesn't know about any of this btw) she messaged him because she was literally about to die and on the way to the hospital.
I was like, why is this bitch messaging some guy she met a week ago about her medical emergency, instead of her husband? And how well timed. But of course my SO got all worried and it ruined our day and when she messaged him again a few hours later (maybe a couple hours after she told him her heart was acting all wacky and they used a defibrillator on her) she was already at home.
Like when you have heart issues and you go to the hospital and they're using a defibrillator, do they just leave you out an hour later?
That smelled like so much bullshit to me. But he thought I was being insensitive and petty.
Anyway. We moved past that and the next day he spends even more time playing games with her than he'd agreed to.
And the next day we watched a movie together. He let me chose it, hated it and then kept saying it ruined his day. I thought he was joking at first, but apparently he wasn't, so that was hurtful. Then he went to joke with her about the same movie.
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Besides that:
Now he tells me he feels like he could be 100% with her, which he never could with me. I wasn't aware of that. I am very flexible-minded and I don't remember judging him over anything since we've been together.
Also I have a sleep disorder (it's called N24, my sleep schedule shifts every day) and now he has a huge issue with that. He keeps saying he never knows when I'm awake, because then he feels like he has to drop everything he's doing for me. I never asked him to do that. I might ask him how long will x take? And he'll say 30 min or 1 hour and then I'll wait. I feel like that's reasonable.
I pointed that out to him and he said "that's how I feel".
He's also saying "I thought I was happy, but I guess I wasn't"
"I feel this tug towards her, maybe it's a sign???"
And that I should do this and that and fix my sleep schedule and so on.
He's also flip flopping between I do want to work on us and idk if I can cope with your sleep schedule and so on.
I ask him to block her now and he's like "I feel like I literally can't. Can THIS be a sign?"
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And I'm just here like "??????? wtf??"
What's so attractive about a lying cheating homewrecker who doesn't mind shitting all over me and my life?
And if I go he'd still be a lying cheating homewrecker, also he'd be a homewrecker. Which I always thought he was too ethical to be, but I also thought he was too ethical to do all this to us and yet here we are. Also it's not sure that she'd even leave her husband for him, she probably wouldn't.
wtf is he thinking.
wtf am I thinking? Everything agitates me so much and I feel like my mind is in 10 different places.
I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm so many things I don't want to be, and all at the same time.
Sometimes I'm tempted to just let them talk about whatever they want and see how badly they destroy each other's lives.
But the thing is that I want my relationship back and what I thought was my future back.
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Anyway. I wrote all this to try and make sense of things. I have no one to talk to.
I don't know how to react to things. Sometimes I feel like I'm over reacting.