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tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 8:32 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
32years2day ( member #14016) posted at 8:36 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Been keeping up with ur JFO thread-stay strong ,ur doing amazin 
The strong are sometimes wrong but the weak are never free.
BetrayedSAHM ( member #27305) posted at 8:38 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Glad you found us here.
And so happy about your new man-bunker.
It does sound like your WW is getting some decent advice... although like someone on your old board said, when your enemy begins to self-destruct, let them.
Totally divorced and moved on. Life is fantastic
DS(9) & DD(9)
Dday: 1/1/2010
Dagny07 ( member #16928) posted at 8:52 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Been following your story. I am so sorry for your pain and applaud you for taking action.
Keep up the vigilance; she may have cleaned up the surface of her act and gone underground. Make sure your evidence/documentation is in a safe place.
Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 30 years, together 37 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 9:56 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
I've been keeping an eye on your thread and have to say you've done amazingly well.
Glad you've got a safe place to hang out. I hope she settles down and you can hammer this out in an equitable fashion from here on in, although drama surprises are the norm at this stage.
Welcome to our little corner.
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
ThriveNotSurvive ( member #22093) posted at 10:01 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Welcome to D&S tulipcitymadman! I've read your posts in JFO as well, but couldn't find anything to say that hadn't already been said better by other members. 
I remember reading that you used that thread as a diary, so I wanted to remind you to copy it somewhere. Once a thread gets to page 25 of a forum it is gone. So maybe you can cut and past the thread to a word document, or in your profile here there is a journal section that you could put it in. Copy all the posts not just the link to it.
I'm actually glad to hear that she got a lawyer, maybe hearing common sense from an outside source it might get through to her!
[This message edited by ThriveNotSurvive at 4:02 PM, June 26th (Saturday)]
Strength, Courage, and Wisdom, it was inside of me all along - India Arie
Some women are Angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick if we have to...cuz we're flexible that way.
Hope24 ( member #9344) posted at 10:27 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Welcome to the forum, TCMM. Sorry you are joining us here.
I have perused your thread in JFO but haven't read the entire tome. 
Sounds like you are experiencing the joys of cohabitation with your STBWW while in the midst of D proceedings.
How long will you be living in this situation?
She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 3:07 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
Welcome to D/S TCMM. I've read through your other thread..took me most of the night!
You are doing great. Good luck on Wednesday, and ask any questions you have here. As you have learned, the people on SI are very helpful. :)
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 3:30 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
woot woot woot ... welcome to D/S ... we are kinda a crazy bunch down here ... but we are so happy to have you join us ...
while being crazy we are very supportive and glad to have you join us ... anyway we can help just ask ...
(((tcmm)))
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 4:09 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
ThriveNotSurvive ( member #22093) posted at 4:43 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
I think you are doing an amazing job so far, keeping it very business like. But try to let a few of those emotions come through every once in a while. You have to feel it to heal from it.
she is treating me like I never even mattered to her
One of the biggest things I had to get past was my ego. I couldn't believe STBX wouldn't fight for me, why wouldn't he I'm amazing and he's loved me forever. I took a really hard knock to my self esteme until I could wrap my head and heart around the fact that he didn't want me anymore. But that was his issues not mine. We all hold a mirror up to our spouses and he hated what he saw when he looked at me. I held him responsible and he couldn't handle that.
But I refuse to second guess the past. He did love me, he waited 10 years to marry me. We were happy together and we had big dreams of what our life would be. He may not want to remember that but it wont change the facts.
I'm sure you and your wife had a wonderful marriage, not perfect but none of them are. Her making you feel guilty is only a way to make herself feel better about what she has done. She wants to be the good guy here and to do that she makes you the bad guy.
You are doing great, make that basement space your own man-cave haven away from her drama. It'll be over before you know it.
Strength, Courage, and Wisdom, it was inside of me all along - India Arie
Some women are Angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick if we have to...cuz we're flexible that way.
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 7:25 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
wise words TNS, wise words. Thank you for the wisdom. I read your post twice, because I needed to hear it. I feel that way so often: why won't he fight for me, for this family? We are awesome.... right? (crickets....)
So your words really resonated with me and I am sure tcmm needs to hear them too.
Welcome tcmm. There are some great people here. Thank goodness for that!
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 2:31 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:10 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
Kharma ( member #8969) posted at 3:38 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
TCMM, I hope that you are documenting each time she leaves the kids alone. That behaviour will come to bite her on the ass when you get to court. Get a small notebook and record the dates and times as best you can.
Your WW really pisses me off. 
You are doing a great job, Sweets. Fight the good fight!
-Kharma
Me: BS
Him: WH/XH
Four young children, trying vainly to make sense of it all
**************************
"The first cut is the deepest...."
And the second one sucks, too.....
GeauxTigers ( member #28301) posted at 4:04 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
ThriveNotSurvive: We all hold a mirror up to our spouses and he hated what he saw when he looked at me
Wow, what a powerful statement. Thanks TnS
Sigh... how did I end up here?
foxglove ( member #21791) posted at 4:53 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
TCMM,
Welcome! I've followed your thread in JFO and you've received some good advice. You'll get good advice here as well.
It's probably good that your WW has a lawyer, but I would echo what the others have said about documenting her leaving the kids alone.
Keep whatever documents you've copied in a safe place including any communications with your lawyer, but not your home. I also took pictures of everything valuble in my house. I kept everything locked in my office at work.
Also, I've gone the in house separation route and would echo what TNS said, especially as the affair will continue right in front of you. You will never be able to wrap your head around the "why" and "how" of throwing it all away. Don't try to figure it out now-just concentrate on being a good dad and not doing/saying anything that she can use against you at a later time.
Also, it is critical to find some outlet for your frustration so that you don't engage with your WS as she carries on right in front of you. Exercise is great or find a new hobby-anything so that when you find yourself trying to figure out the "how could she do this to me after all these years" you can occupy your mind with something else.
Good luck.
Me (BS) 57
XH (WS)
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two grown sons
Remarried 9/18
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 5:24 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:11 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
dreamlife ( member #8142) posted at 5:58 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
I'm glad you are feeling your pain and processing it rather than blocking it...that is how we all go through the grief process.
Yes, it absolutely hurts to be discounted!
Your WW sure is a piece of work!
Hang in there & warm hugs.
~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
"He called me a bitch.
I called him an ambulance."
Linda H.)
BetrayedSAHM ( member #27305) posted at 6:06 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2010
She told me as she walked out the door that she didn't know when she would be back, and I just replied "Whatever." I wanted to say feel free to not come back at all, but the kids were right there. I am off to hang with my kids for a while and then figure out what to do the rest of the day with them. Thank god for them, they keep me going.
I'm not SI expert, but would it be wrong to send her a text saying, "stay out as long as you want."
The less time she spends with the kids, the better for you, right?
Totally divorced and moved on. Life is fantastic
DS(9) & DD(9)
Dday: 1/1/2010
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 3:24 AM on Monday, June 28th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:11 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
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