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MessyT (original poster member #51805) posted at 12:29 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
Well I haven’t posted in a very long time but I still read here regularly as it helps me a lot. Things got very bad for us financially and we have been limping along together still. Couldn’t afford to live hardly, so separating wasn’t really an option.
Anyway while my marriage may still be a mess in progress. He is not actively cheating as far as I know and loves me more than anything. But for me that ship has sailed. I don’t really trust him and don’t think I will ever be able to love him the way I did before. So I decided to forget about him and what he wants and needs and focus on me and my healing and getting to a better place where maybe I can make some real changes.
Anyway I received a great job offer, enabling me to get back into the workforce. I had all but given up but at 54 after 19 years out of the workforce I now have a job. I am so excited and can’t wait to start in a week. So I am hoping this will be the start of getting me back. Because I realised during all the trauma of the last few years that giving up my financial independence had crippled me and left me very vulnerable. It left me stuck in something I wanted to leave but couldn’t.
So here’s to better days ahead.
[This message edited by MessyT at 6:31 AM, May 17th (Friday)]
Me BS 52
Him WS 65
2 DS
M 22 years
Giving it one last shot at R. Not sure if I'm fully in yet though. Watching and waiting mostly.
DDays: 2005, 11/2015, 2/2016 and 9/2016
deephurt ( member #48243) posted at 12:34 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
Congratulations. Enjoy the new job.
me-BW
him-WH
so far successfully in R
rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 12:44 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
Best wishes to you!
And congratulations on taking control of your own life.
Remember this: whatever the assignment, do it diligently and earnestly to the best of your ability. you will find you advance quickly and you will be part of the success of the company.
R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.
Marie2792 ( member #44958) posted at 12:50 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
It’s good to hear from you! So glad you are taking control of your healing and concentrating on Messy. Good luck in your new job. Tell us all about it!
Me: BS,48 (41 at dday)Him: WS, 56 (49 at dday)Married 27 years, together 30 Dday : 9/9/14 3 week PA
BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 12:58 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
That’s awesome about the job!! Less awesome about the rest but getting back to work is a great first step. Keep us posted!!
Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:59 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 1:15 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
Congratulations on the new job!
The only person you can change is yourself.
MalibuBayBreeze ( member #52124) posted at 2:02 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
This is such great news! I can't tell you how happy I am for you MessyT! Truly. You have been through so much, were stuck for such a long time and now FINALLY the tables are turning.
Good luck and congratulations on the new job. I have no doubt you are going to rock this and he will be sorry as you spread your wings and fly away from his toxicity. I am thrilled for you and this is inspiring to me.
❤
A man or woman telling the truth doesn't mind being questioned.
A liar does.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
Great news!!!! Enjoy the new direction in life.
I like your post about the marriage being so-so but you’re putting yourself first.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 4:43 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
GREAT update!!! Thank you so much for sharing 
! I found...for ME...that being in a place where I could be married because I WANTED to ..instead of being married because I HAD to...was a HUGE help in deciding to R or D. It sure seems like this new job will soon give you that freedom too 
!
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
Adlham ( member #53358) posted at 4:56 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2019
It's very good to hear from you, MessyT! I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were doing.
Congratulations on the new job! That's awesome!
Sending you loads of good thoughts!
There is NO need to have that “one last conversation” with a toxic individual in your life.” The closure will come when you look deeper inside yourself. It’s not your job to fix someone when they are unwilling to fix themselves.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:30 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2019
Good for you. Getting this job will give you options beyond what you have right now. Just keep focusing on you and your healing, make yourself the best employee that your boss has ever seen, and squirrel away money in YOUR account. You can do this!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:24 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2019
Congratulations MessyT! Great way to take back control of your life!
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
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