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Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:56 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
I’m so sorry for posting a ton but being away from stbx this summer has made me realize so much
I have been terrified of being alone. So scared.
I made a list of times wh refused to help me do things and I had to do stuff on my own.
Example- I went home for a week this summer bc ds 1 had an orthodontist appointment. Wh had no food in the house When we got home (after. 9 hour drive) . I asked him to go to the store because I didn’t want to have to take 8 month old ds 2 out in corona virus ... it would just be easier for Wh to go alone that me to get baby ready and cart him around the store.
Wh said, “no. Since you’re divorcing me, I don’t want to give you any help. You’ll need to learn how to do this stuff on your own because I won’t be there”
I made beans and rice for dinner and got grocery pickup the next morning.
I’m on page THREE of years and incidences where he flaked on me and the kids.
He missed our kid’s competition because he “needed rest”
He couldn’t go to this family event Because he MIGHT have something at work (he didn’t)
He thought going away with my friends for my 30th bday was stupid and I was being selfish (We did go but he yelled at me for days before)
I have wasted SO MUCH TIME on this person who is not worthy of my time!!!!
I am not sad like I was at the prospect of divorce... I feel so free and excited about what I will do with All. This. Time. that I’ve been putting into Stan Zbornack.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:00 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
((((Gotta))))
You weren't alone. He was being an abusive prick the entire time. Alone is awesome compared to what you were dealing w/ .
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
99problems ( member #59373) posted at 2:27 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
He does sound controlling and abusive.
I have had a similar experience. I think our lives will be much improved by the removal of the lying, cheating, lazy and horrible WS's.
Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 3:39 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
Exactly! My STBX keeps telling me things like I will regret this or I don’t know what I’m doing. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other and each step I take I feel freer and stronger. I’m still alone while IHS. I felt alone in the marriage as well. Only when he wanted to play family man or complain to me or about me was I blessed with his presence. Now he says he’s devastated but where was he all along? I’ve been devastated while in the marriage.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
He does sound controlling and abusive.
I have had a similar experience. I think our lives will be much improved by the removal of the lying, cheating, lazy and horrible WS's
.
I agree! I have goals that I’ve kept to myself for years. I’m so excited to start working towards them.
Without this summer away from Wh I wouldn’t be able to get the clarity that I needed to see... I am alone (or what tushnurse said... worse than alone). Cutting him out of the picture won’t make me lonely. I can do this.
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 3:49 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
I’ve been devastated while in the marriage
.
Yes! He’s devastated me so many times! How many times have his actions given me that “gut punch” feeling. When I heard from a friend he was cheating in 2009? When he asked for divorce the day after we sold our house? When he asked for divorce while we were at his MOTHER’S HOUSE!!!!
When he said ILYBINILWY
When I read the text that he’d said he loved ow 2
When I saw other texts from ow 2 and him
When I went home this summer and saw a text from him to ow asking for bikini pics
Bye, sucker. Times up to be a good person. You fucking lose! Have fun trying to find someone as wonderful as me to shit on.
And PS- he’s going to HATE paying child support on 3 kids. One isn’t even a year old
twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 6:44 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2020
Good job!
I've found it's way less frustrating doing everything myself, than asking another adult and getting excuses.
In my world, if it doesn't get done I have no one to blame but me 
May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.
*********When you know better, you can do better*************
LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 10:13 AM on Tuesday, July 28th, 2020
Good on you for getting out. Page 3 so far...
We could all fill novels of the times our WS’s let us down or were just non existent.
My last straw was when WH refused to get out of bed for our Daughter’s wedding. Yep, that’s correct. He couldn’t be bothered getting out of bed.
That was the last time he made me feel like a solo parent.
Our DD will never forget that. I will never forget the pain and hurt in her eyes when the realisation hit that Dad wasn’t there.
September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 4:31 PM on Tuesday, July 28th, 2020
LadyG- he didn’t come to her wedding? At all?
I’m so sorry.
My husband has stayed in bed for many things. I don’t put it past him to stay in bed when our DD gets married.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 6:25 PM on Tuesday, July 28th, 2020
Geez he is a royal ass.
You will feel so much better when this is done.
Lots of hugs. You did great.
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 9:50 PM on Tuesday, July 28th, 2020
I told my best friend that I was struggling with the idea of being alone after divorce. He said that I had already been alone for years with WW. He was right. It's funny how you can be in a marriage and alone at the same time...
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:42 AM on Wednesday, July 29th, 2020
I was so lonely in my marriage, it was debilitating.
Being alone is easier.
messyleslie ( member #58177) posted at 8:40 AM on Wednesday, July 29th, 2020
I'm realizing now how much I held up my WH. I always thought he was a good dad and now I'm realizing that apparently without me holding his life together for him he can't even be bothered to show up sometimes.
Its freeing but its also sad.
I wonder sometimes if I am ever in another relationship with an emotionally healthy person who is a real partner if I am going to be like WTH - this is SO easy and I can't believe its normal to not have to do everything in a relationship.
taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 4:26 PM on Wednesday, July 29th, 2020
Messy - that’s exactly how my life turned out. I went from alone in a marriage to marrying a man that helps around the house. My kids think I’m crazy for thanking my husband for helping out or driving them to events. It’s amazing the difference.
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!
Planetx ( member #44928) posted at 4:05 AM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020
After my divorce, I had someone ask me what I missed about being married. I couldn't think of anything! I think my marriage was a lot like yours, I always went to events and all kids things on my own. I did all the shopping, daily dropoffs/pickups before school and work. He never went to the park or zoo with us, never put the kids to bed or got them ready. Towards the end I was even vacationing and going to HIS family events with just me and the kids!
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