SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm still here,I' have been forced to stay home with my 2 sons as I tested positive for COVID. we are doing fine except some back pain and mild headache at times. my youngest lost his sense of smelling and tasting. the biggest pain is not being able to get out. My WW has been in contact, bringing us groceries and prepared food.

the only new development regarding the A, is her former colleague D reached out to my daughter defending herself, she told her she understands why I'm upset but she wasn't in a position to talk to me about my WW's affair,she insists that she never enabled nor encouraged WW to have an affair.

My WW is staring a new Job the 28th of this month, she has new IC next week. she sent me an invite to a self improvement therapy that's gospel based.

Being separated is clearing my head and I'm starting to accept a life without her.

I want to thank all of your for your support, I wouldn't have gotten to where I'm without to advise I got here. most of you here have been in similar situation and understand that it is not easy. making such life alternating decision is scary.

Shame about the COVID, luckily it's not the killer it was advertised to be, so I have full confidence in your speedy recovery.

Your wife's friend D did in fact facilitate the affair by not informing you about it. She can defend herself until the cows come home, I wouldn't pee on her if she were on fire were I you.

It seems you are in the process of detaching from you WW, this too is good, but recovery is not linear and you will have better and worse days to come.

I am rooting for you and your kids AH.

Strength to you.

Wishing you a speedy recovery AH.

she told her she understands why I'm upset but she wasn't in a position to talk to me about my WW's affair,she insists that she never enabled nor encouraged WW to have an affair.

Except you know this is completely false as they went on double dates. That’s the very definition of enabling and encouraging.

You might consider letting your daughter know that since D reached out to her and spun this false story to her.

[This message edited by Thumos at 1:27 PM, September 19th (Saturday)]

Glad you opened a new thread, AH. I back what Dictum and Thumos said regarding D. She's complicit. She might not have said to your WW to cheat but she encouraged it by going on double dates.

Sending an invitation to a self improvement therapy is still sending a message that you bear some responsibility in her adultery. We all can use self improvement. Right now she needs to concentrate on herself and not the marriage.

My XWW did something the same when wanting me to go on an intensive marriage weekend (Christian) without her doing most of the things on my relatively short list of requirements to see if I should attempt R. We had done Worldwide Marriage Encounter and Turn Your Hearts Toward Home before she took on a secret piece.

So, no thanks. It'll be MC in a different format.

God man. So sorry to hear you and the kids are sick. This is one hell of a year for you. Let’s hope there are no incoming comets as your house will be a target.

How you felling about the continuous references to church, gospel etc. you’ve never said.

I'm glad you checked in with an update.

I'm sorry about the covid-19 diagnosis. I wish you and your family well.

With respect to D, I agree with others that double dating with the cheaters is the ultimate encouragement as well as validation of their affair.

D reached out to my daughter defending herself, she told her she understands why I'm upset but she wasn't in a position to talk to me about my WW's affair,she insists that she never enabled nor encouraged WW to have an affair.

Double-dating isn't encouragement?? I can't even begin to work out how she accounts for that. And to contact your child?... well, let's just say you're all better off with this person out of your lives. That need to explain/control isn't healthy. It's ego. She can't admit she was wrong to be involved.

I hope you and yours get well soon.

AH sorry to hear you tested positive. Hang in there!

As for this "friend" D. She definitely enabled it, but you know what, who knows what your wife was telling her about you. Hell she could have been telling her you were beating her and cheating on her as well...who knows!!

Yes she could have told your WW to just leave you but we know she didn't. Not trying to defend this D woman at all as she was definitely not a friend to your marriage.

Glad you started another thread. Keep us posted and hopefully you and your boys will be out of being quarantined soon (and that no serious symptoms develop)

Everyone seems to be in agreement on the whole D thing.

Double dating is an affirmation of the ongoing relationship and does a lot for normalization of that relationship. The message is very clear: when you're all done with him (AHGUY) and with the new guy (POSOM), we'll be here for you. Toxic.

And then D, all smiles, with the peck kisses on the side of the cheek. Enough of "D".

[This message edited by rugswept at 4:18 PM, September 19th (Saturday)]

Fuck "D".

She is obviously a terrible person. It doesn't matter if she encouraged it - "Hey go fuck someone outside of your marriage!" - She was a part of it.

It wasn't a "none of my business", situation, for Chrissakes, she is contacting your daughter!

You're best to remove yourself from this hive of immoral idiots.

Good luck, and feel better.

The cheating wife and toxic friend — birds of a feather flock together.

Two lying and no morals women found each other and brought out the “ best” in each other. They should form their own support group.

The friend must think you have no brains and will believe anything. Glad you can see the truth.

Hope you and your family recover quickly.

Betrayed Husband Part 2:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=648032&AP=981

Thank you all. Believe me, I know that D is full of herself. She only cared about his business , and if the affair was making him happy she was all for it. I don’t need any apology from her or her sorry ass husband.

How you felling about the continuous references to church, gospel etc. you’ve never said.

Personally I’m not a religious guy, I grew up catholic but because of my wife I joined her baptist church. Unlike her, I was never really a devout Christian .

My WW believes that good morals can only come from faith. She had many argument with my daughter about it. It does bother me that she keeps involving church and gospel in our problem, but there is nothing I can do. The self improvement thing she suggested has nothing to do with infidelity, it is program called “Steps” and supposed to help healing the mind .

Sorry to hear you've got the COVID, hope you make a quick recovery.

It's pretty common for people to lean on their faith when things get rough, just don't let her use it to absolve herself. This is between you and her, and she needs to remember that.

I dated a girl for a couple years in college who cheated on me. About a month after we broke up she wrote me a letter where she apologized, in here words, 'for the thing that came between us' but she assured me it was all ok, she had accepted Jesus as her savior. I just shook my head at that.

Don't let her take the easy route out. It's fine to pray to God for forgiveness, read the bible for guidance but she still needs to work on what she did, not how her faith will make it better. Otherwise she's just cheapening both.

As for her friend, good riddance. As long as the money was coming in she was fine with whatever was going on. Now that the business relationship is over she wants to 'be a friend'? Sounds more like she wants to salvage her reputation, so she's reaching out to your children. Keep her on the ignore list.

Good luck man. With the COVID it sounds like you've got a few weeks to think about what's happening, and take a good look at things. If there's a silver lining to this, that's it. And you're with your boys so you'll have time with them, unless you wind up killing them Heal up, get yourself strong again, you still have a long way to go.

[This message edited by MountainGuy at 9:24 PM, September 19th (Saturday)]

I’m not surprised that the Bible thumping bothers you. When she gave you the “it’s so simple I need to let Jesus take the wheel” note it seemed like she was trying to take the easy way out and persuade you that it’s going to be fine now. It really doesn’t show any real depth of understanding or any real level of taking responsibility. What’s concerning is that she thinks you are going to buy the idea that she’s with God now so not much more to do except thrust religious tracts at you, cite gospel, get various church goers involved in your situation etc. it’s surprising she thinks it would work.

Hey brother sorry about the Covid, that truly sucks.

I don’t normally talk down about females but D has to keep out.

Fuck "D".

She is obviously a terrible person. It doesn't matter if she encouraged it - "Hey go fuck someone outside of your marriage!" - She was a part of it.

As written, why oh why is she contacting your daughter? Go tell her to play her poop 💩!!

When you get out of the Covid isolation would it hurt to do the seminar? Can only help your mindset.

Glad you are being able to think clearly. As always do what is right you.

Take it slowly and take care.

One day at a time

[This message edited by Buffer at 2:43 AM, September 20th (Sunday)]

Part 2 of this thread was found here:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=648032

My WW believes that good morals can only come from faith. She had many argument with my daughter about it. It does bother me that she keeps involving church and gospel in our problem, but there is nothing I can do. The self improvement thing she suggested has nothing to do with infidelity, it is program called “Steps” and supposed to help healing the mind .

Your WW might want R, but she doesn't get to say what that might look like or whether her efforts are good enough to elicit your interest in considering it. YOU get to say what's good enough for you.

I took a cursory look at "Steps" although it's difficult to find real reviews, and for me... this would NOT be enough. I don't have any problem with religion. I'm super happy for people who are in touch with what they believe and living life. But I don't believe that people have to be religious to have good morals. Those good morals come from good character. They start with the core values we choose for ourselves and the way we protect those values. I just don't think this is a substitute for an experienced therapist who's well-versed in handling infidelity and trauma, who can dig in and find out WHY your WW had the capacity to say "yes" to adultery. In tandem, as extra?.. sure, why not? But not instead of.

If you're leaning toward D, it won't matter. But if you're still perched on the fence, YOU get to say what's good enough for you.

Looks like her former colleague “D” is trying to salvage/protect her reputation.

If word gets around that she encouraged and helped facilitate an affair, it could be bad for business.

Also most married women (who don’t cheat) don’t want a home wrecker, or an accomplice to home wrecking, around their husbands.

So if her neighborhood catches wind of this she could face a shunning. And that is most females biggest fear, not being included.

Hence her contacting you daughter.

Dictum Veritas

luckily it's not the killer it was advertised to be

Yeah, if you don't count the 957,000 deaths worldwide, 200,000 in the U.S., 16,000 in South Africa, all more or less dead for good.

And then the uncounted thousands who contract the virus but don't fully recover after weeks and months of recurring and sometimes debilitating symptoms.

Source: I read.

OP, I wish you and your family every success in fully recovering from this scourge. And DV, I wish you every success at avoiding contracting it.