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Dreamt that I was the cheater....

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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 1:20 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

To be clear, I have no revenge fantasies. It's not for me at all, which makes this dream really strange.

Normally my bad cheating dreams are about my WH cheating. Last night (well, really early this morning) I dreamt that I was the cheater. That I was cruelly flaunting it in my WH's face, and not allowing him to also go do his own thing. I remember the hurt look on his face. I remember feeling sad when he finally said he was going to find another woman.

It has left me feeling really off today. I really hate bad dreams!

Anybody else have especially cruel revenge affair dreams? (I mean dreams, not talking about active fantasies)

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602106
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:58 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Been there, done that, and if I have such a dream tonight I'm gonna blame you.

Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown

posts: 6743   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8602134
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BentandBroken ( member #72519) posted at 3:11 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Kinda similar. Over the years before dDay I would occasionally have dreams that I had cheated. In my dreams I was always devastated, knowing I had done the unforgivable. When I woke I was always so relieved!! Literally almost crying with relief that it was only a dream.

Of course now I wonder if my subconscious was trying to warn me. Was it always right there for me to see? 😟

20+ year relationship; Never officially married
Dday November 2019
4 wonderful grown children
WH multiple APs, currently involved with married COW
Kicked him out on Dday and that was that

posts: 329   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8602142
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TwoDozen ( member #74796) posted at 3:24 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Yup almost every night I dream about either WGF cheating on me, Hiding things from me, lying to me or me doing these things to WGF. The dreams always affect my mood for a while but I’m getting better at dealing with them. The worst dreams I have are the ones when I’m friends with the AP, having a beer etc FFS.

posts: 451   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8602144
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 3:29 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Unhinged, lol. Sorry in advance if that happens!

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602147
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 3:31 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

The worst dreams I have are the ones when I’m friends with the AP, having a beer etc FFS.

Ugh! That would be awful!

Of course now I wonder if my subconscious was trying to warn me.

Not sure where my subconscious was going with this one! I am sure it was something I read or something, but still, really annoying.

[This message edited by landclark at 9:31 AM, October 26th (Monday)]

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602148
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ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 3:40 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I had a cheating dream recently, and it was just... awful. I was hanging out with an ex-boyfriend, and we were super flirty and inappropriate with each other. It was intoxicating and arousing, but, I still couldn't cross THE line. No kissing. No sex.

It was only a dream, but I still couldn't cross the line, BECAUSE in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about my WH and our family together and how that/they were more important to me than what I was feeling with my ex-boyfriend.

I woke up feeling all fucked up, because WH obviously had no problem fucking his coworker... repeatedly... for months.

"I will survive, hey, hey!"

posts: 2123   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2018
id 8602151
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 3:48 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

ibonnie, I definitely crossed the line in my dream, and was cruel about it. I don't believe I would ever do that IRL, but it bothers me that I did it in a dream!

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602157
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:20 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Pre-d-day, about the only dream I remembered was getting into bed with the young Sophia Loren, sitting up and saying, Where's plainsong? I'm supposed to be with plainsong!' After d-day, plainsong didn't come into those dreams.

I don't remember dreaming about SL since about 2014.

They're just dreams. That's all. Dreams are pretty far away from being actions.

Except ... am I sisoon in bed with SL dreaming about posting on SI?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31118   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8602202
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:44 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I have had similar to ibonnie.

I find myself in a place where things are about to happen with someone [sometimes I know them other times not] yet won't act. They all end the same, with me walking away saying "I just can't - this isn't right"

Funny - I never had those until DDay. Go figure. Even in my dreams I'm loyal to the core. And even at those I wake in a cold sweat.

ETA - the ones that cause me to wake up in a dead panic - the dreams where I am mistaken for LTAP. While I haven't had one in a while, those haunt me even as I type this.

[This message edited by Chaos at 1:45 PM, October 26th (Monday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8602265
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 7:55 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Well, I don’t think having a dream about it means I’m not loyal.

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602269
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LemonSpearmint ( new member #75630) posted at 10:39 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I don't think it means you're not loyal.

Pre-A I would have disgusting dreams about cheating on H with really gross people. I would wake up feeling awful.

IRL I think it just enforced for me that cheating on my husband was something I could not live with, since I couldn't stomach the guilt from even a dream.

Post-A I now regularly dream about meeting the AP, which is always unpleasant, but no more icky dreams about being wayward myself. Every night I hope for no dreams at all.

I hope you all dream pleasant dreams from now on - we all deserve a break when we sleep.

Me: BW 40 / Him: WH 42
Dday July 15 2020
3 month EA/PA - Working on R

Keep moving forward

posts: 44   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8602316
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Bingo ( member #72835) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I have had recurring nightmares where my xwh and the ap are raping me..

Man, talk about traumatic!!

But, IRL, I guess they really did rape me, in more ways than one.

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8602321
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 10:51 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Bingo, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. :(

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602324
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 10:53 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I hope you all dream pleasant dreams from now on - we all deserve a break when we sleep

I did have a dream the other night that I saved the world from King Kong, and it lead to a badass government job. I was recruited by my mother in law who passed in 2013. The mind is a funny thing.

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602325
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LemonSpearmint ( new member #75630) posted at 11:16 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Bingo - that sucks. I can see where those feelings would come from. I hope you never have that dream again. ((Hugs))

landclark - that sounds brilliant

Me: BW 40 / Him: WH 42
Dday July 15 2020
3 month EA/PA - Working on R

Keep moving forward

posts: 44   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8602332
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Trapped74 ( member #49696) posted at 11:34 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

When I first got together with my POSWH I used to have the worst dreams that I was cheating on him with my "favorite" ex. I'd wake up so, SO relieved it was just a dream because I would have been so devastated to ruin the "best thing that happened" to me.

Psshhhh. Isn't that just hilarious?

Many DDays. Me (BW) 49 Him (WH) 52 Happily detached and compartmentalized.

posts: 336   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Oregon
id 8602337
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 landclark (original poster member #70659) posted at 11:42 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

I never had dreams about cheating on him prior to finding out he cheated on me. I did have many dreams of him cheating though, and still do at least every few weeks. I should have listened!

I did have a dream earlier this year that Chris Pratt was in love with me and I turned him away because we were both married. Ugh. Biggest dream regret ever.

Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5

First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.

posts: 2059   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2019
id 8602343
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:17 AM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020

I used to dream an old, handsome, excellent sex partner ex boyfriend reached out to me, and I left with him. I used to feel guilty about it

Until DDay.

Nope! Now I enjoy reminiscing about those great sex days!

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2199   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8602362
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ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 2:37 AM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020

I wonder if one aspect of a dream like this -after- DDay is because you want them to feel how it is to be on the other side of the fence. Not even a revenge thing but as a cry of "please understand me".

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8602395
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