SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I honestly am not even sure where to start. I just know I need to vent somewhere where somebody can possibly understand. H is suffering from ED. He’s been tested and testosterone is very low. He started getting biweekly shots. I’m not sure how long before we see the effects of the shots. This week was the second shot. We decided to "try". It was a failure, in the midst of the act the erection was lost.I know there’s a medical issue but it’s so hard not to feel like it’s me that’s not attractive enough. It’s also hard to still feel any kind of desirable. We talked about what was happening, that things are better, just not good yet. I miss sex. I miss the act, I miss the closeness, I miss the feelings. I know people will say you can do other things. For me it is not the same. I’m just feeling so low today, it’s been on my mind all day. I’m not ready to give up sex but what if the shots don’t work? It literally seems like our life has been one thing after another and I look back and can’t seem to find the happy times, just the regrets

What about viagra? Is that an option?

Dr has said Viagra it’s not an option yet due to the very low testosterone.

Oh, gosh - there are many other options, but don't count the shots out yet. Sleep apnea can cause ED. There are shots that go into the base of the penis that can help (usually used by men who have had prostate surgery). There's also surgery to get the blood flow back (revascularization). There are pumps that pull the blood into the penis, and implants that can be used.

Don't give up yet.

Hi Flatlined-

I have been having similar issues. I had 3 back surgeries last year and am on so many medications my libido is gone, I have ED issues, and function issues. I went on T therapy which helped, and am taking a low daily dose of cialis which helps the ED, but I still find myself having function issues. I'm only 38 and have never had any of these problems before. I did find this article which seems to explain it all, at least for my situation. Hope it helps!

lelo . com/blog/when-infidelity-leads-to-sexual-dysfunction-guest-post-dr-tammy-nelson/

It's very easy to let pressures mount. You may very well be trying your best to hide/suppress your emotions about this, but it is also very possible....maybe even probable....that he can not only sense your concerns, but is putting more and more pressure on himself.

My advice for now is to enforce the positives, and build off of those. He is actively trying to address his ED issues. He is still trying to engage in sex. He hasn't just stated that this is what happens to men as they age, and be content on a sexless life. Hopefully, he is trying because it is important to you.

I know the above sounds more like platitude, but really think about it---what if he can no longer perform, no matter what efforts are put in? Do you grieve the loss, or continue your bond by other methods?

Just a thought but there are other activities that can still be sex. You just have to lose the fixation that sex = penis in vagina. Sex should be a menu of fun activities that you can pick from based on interests.

My boyfriend has occasional ED and we have an amazing sex life. It also takes the pressure off because he knows he doesn't have to worry about whether he will get or stay hard, or be able to orgasm- we will still have a great time regardless.

You can still have intimacy and closeness and connection without a hard penis or a male orgasm.

How about oral sex or fingering? He could even wear a hollow strapon if you want the sensations that come with PIV sex. There are so many options out there that are still sex. ED shouldn't mean dead bedroom.

[This message edited by PSTI at 12:14 PM, February 6th (Sunday)]

Flatlined123 - I am here to alleviate your concerns. This was me exactly (Im the husband).

The testosterone will take a good 3-4 weeks before his ED gets much better. It will definitely help, GUARANTEED. I went from completely limp ED to wanted to have sex 2 or 3 times per day and rock hard. Currently aged 45 and I apply a compounded testosterone cream 2x per day. My levels are right around 700 but Ive seen them as high as 1000. (Previously had been 2-300). Just know that once he goes on, if he ever stops again, the ED will return because the body will stop making its own natural T.

One tip FOR YOU. Don't make him feel pressured, because the ED is also a psychological thing and each time it happens it causes more anxiety which builds up for the next time. So if he feels nervous about it at all, it will make it worse. Just say its not a big deal, there is no pressure, and even if he cant get it up, you will try again another time and just try to make it as fun as possible. I cant stress this enough. You need to say it's not a big deal. Remove the pressure to perform completely for him and be very loving.

He will soon be all over you and you will be telling your friends you cant keep him off of you.

Now, it could be that he has also has a blood flow issue and if this is the case then the testosterone alone might not work. I take a daily low dose of 5mg Cialis (I recommend Cialis over Viagra because you can take it and it will last all day) just to help me out a little bit more. On days I know we are going to have sex I bump my dose up to 10-20mg (20mg is the typical dose). All this does is relax the blood vessels in the body making it easier for blood to flow.

Im 99% certain that these two things will fix the issue. If there are still issues or its not quite there, you could also investigate penile shockwave therapy, which is a soundwave technology that damages the tissues in the penile shaft and makes them regrow. Ive heard that people have had some pretty amazing results with that as well.

Any other questions lmk and good luck.

UPDATE: We’re 4 weeks into the testosterone shots and it is definitely making a difference

Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

Glad to see that the hard work is paying off for both of you.

Sorry....I just had to put that out there.....

My experience with testosterone shots: I was taking them once a month for a few years. About six months ago my PSA doubled. I went through an MRI and subsequent biopsy to determine if I had prostate cancer. A couple of pre-cancerous lesions were found. My urologist stated that if I did have prostate cancer, he would immediately take me off the shots. He thought that I could continue with the shots. Since testosterone can improve with exercise and weight loss, I decided to end the treatment and follow this course of action. In addition, my hemoglobin count is now out of range. The danger of blood clots is now real. There is a possibility that the high hemoglobin count is related to taking testosterone shots. This problem is especially prevalent in older men. I will be seeing a hematologist soon to get to the bottom of what is going on. My advice is for your husband to carefully monitor his physical wellbeing while on the shots.

55 year old guy here. From what I understand, men begin to really lose muscle mass as they get older and as a result, produce less testosterone. Hitting the gym might help naturally elevate testosterone levels with the added benefits of increased health, and increased cardio...if you know what I mean.