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For those who are still living in the home where some of the infidelity took place, how do you deal with the negative memories that come with that? I find myself continually being triggered by certain places in the house. In my case, my WP sexted the AP while in our bed and bathroom. Also the AP was my close friend so she and her son spent a lot of time at our house.
We are not in a position to move for several reasons but I don’t know how I can continue living here. What has helped?

I get it! It’s hard. After much trickle truth, I found out that WH had the OW in our house. They had sex on our couch and she used our kids’ bathroom to clean herself up afterward. I immediately told him we were getting a new couch. At least I could replace that. He said he put towels on the couch to keep it clean. Which of my towels did they screw on? He doesn’t remember. Now I cringe every time I use one. He doesn’t get why I’m triggered by a towel. We only bought this house 3 years ago. We paid cash for it. It’s supposed to be where we retire after all our hard work. Now it’s tainted. I used to love our house. Now I’m not so sure. It’s no longer my sanctuary, my safe place.

I’m not sure how to get over it either. I guess just replace things as you go and make it yours again. The towels are going next.

The OW was never at my house but was in his car.

That car was sold 2 months later.

The house where I endured his affair was on the market 2 weeks after last kid graduated HS. I had to wait 6 years (from the year of the affair until the last kid graduated) but it was time to unload it.

I threw out CDs, his shirts and anything I thought she had contact with.

If it were me,I'd tell my wh how I was feeling,and tell them to find a solution. It should be part of the work he should be doing,to become a safe partner. It's part of his job to remove all triggers.

I found out that they defiled my sofa- WH said he knew going to our bedroom was "wrong" (he is such an idiot), I made him drag the couch out in the backyard and cut it up with a saw. I also said we are moving, we couldn't afford it but I told him to fucking figure it out because it was non-negotiable. D-day was 8/18 and we moved 6/19.

Had similar triggers in my home early on. OW was a friend and we had spent time having or cooking dinner together. The only time she was in my room, was for a house tour. After a long workout, we all returned to our home to shower and eat dinner. I'm so grateful that I didn't let her use my bath, made her use my son's. Son ended up switching to another bedroom/bath over it. He knew. For awhile, a certain brand a butter or brand of beer would trigger me. It's diminished significantly. We weren't in a position to move either. Over the last few years, I've changed floor plans, decorated rooms in ways that make me smile. Generally, reclaimed this space as my refuge. FWH was helpful in making that happen. This is something that he wouldn't have done pre-A. Him getting involved and helping there helped me.

For me, getting triggers to subside has been a combination of time, dealing with the triggers in the moment (my IC likens it to exposure therapy....just dealing with the triggers over time helps them to decline in severity), asking for what I need when I'm triggered and usually FWH can meet me in those moments in a helpful way. Being mindful and living in the moment. Grounding exercises. Gratitude (I know none of these seem possible in early days....but they have helped me over time).

Had similar triggers in my home early on. OW was a friend and we had spent time having or cooking dinner together. The only time she was in my room, was for a house tour. After a long workout, we all returned to our home to shower and eat dinner. I'm so grateful that I didn't let her use my bath, made her use my son's. Son ended up switching to another bedroom/bath over it. He knew. For awhile, a certain brand a butter or brand of beer would trigger me. It's diminished significantly. We weren't in a position to move either. Over the last few years, I've changed floor plans, decorated rooms in ways that make me smile. Generally, reclaimed this space as my refuge. FWH was helpful in making that happen. This is something that he wouldn't have done pre-A. Him getting involved and helping there helped me.

For me, getting triggers to subside has been a combination of time, dealing with the triggers in the moment (my IC likens it to exposure therapy....just dealing with the triggers over time helps them to decline in severity), asking for what I need when I'm triggered and usually FWH can meet me in those moments in a helpful way. Being mindful and living in the moment. Grounding exercises. Gratitude (I know none of these seem possible in early days....but they have helped me over time).

The very first change I made was buying myself all new bedding - and not worrying whether he would like it. I've also been fortunate enough that I was able to do some other upgrades to my house (new flooring, remodeled my master bath). Just making those changes helped me to reclaim my space.

Can you maybe buy new bedding and do a little refresh of your bedroom? New bedding, new pics, new lamps etc, rearrange the furniture? Same for your bathroom.

I completely understand this. My FWH was sexting women starting from the second he woke up from our bathroom. Every time he's in there, I feel unsettled. He made videos in our home and live chatted with them in our home. He sexted them when we were watching tv together. He'd say he was getting me tea. They saw my dogs on video. It's so gross.

I have never told anyone that I have these feelings so it's so odd to say that.

Hi @insig I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the painful aftermath of infidelity. Triggers come less often as you go further in your healing journey, but I do understand how difficult it must be that your home is also a trigger. Is your WP doing all he can to rebuild the broken trust and build new loving memories with you in your home. I think this is important for both of you especially if you're not in a position to move.

I pray the near future brings complete healing for your emotions and the strength you need.

[This message edited by BellaLee at 11:36 PM, Friday, October 21st]

Triggers do subside over time, my FWH PA happened in an apt he was renting when he was working away from home, so I don’t have any triggers related to my home.

The car where things happened is long gone, along with any towels, pillows, sheets and furniture from the apt.

Can you redecorate? Burn some sage? Look at it as reclaiming what is yours?

The trigger I had a hard time working through was the COW first name was the same as my sisters. I finally decided that I loved my sister more than I hated what happened, and I refused to let the thought of the COW come into my mind every time I talked to my sister.

It took time, but it worked.

Wishing you peace insig.